A little background..Both myself and my BF are going through divorces..we met after this started. We each have 3 children, mine are 18, 14, 13 and his are 13, 10, 8. Our children are very different, mine quiet and shy, his loud and energetic. My 2 younger kids live with their father and we share joint custody. I can basically see them anytime and have a good relationship with my ex and his wife (not the ex I am divorcing currently) The girls stay over with me every other weekend and on holidays as I live in a different school district so weekly overnights is not an option.

My boyfriend and I moved in together in Aug. 2006. He has joint custody also and we see his children on his days off. They only sleep over when he is off on the weekend as they are also in a separate school district. We live in the middle 45 minutes either direction to see each of our kids. He does not get along with his ex. She is out to make our lives as miserable as possible. But that is another topic.

We recently had his 3 kids and my youngest daughter, she is 13. His kids fight with each other non stop. It is not just arguing it is down right physical. The oldest can be very mean and makes the other 2 cry almost non stop. After my daughter went home she told me over the phone that the fighting bothered her. And she has made plans for every weekend in February so that she doesn't have to come here when they are here. She also stated that she is scared of them and the way they fight so much.

Now I am not saying my kids are better than his kids, I am just saying they are different. I am a quiet person, i don't yell and scream and neither did my kids Bio-father. Sure my kids argue with each other, but they do not comes to blows. My boy friend is also a very quiet guy, but his ex is a screamer. And part of the current custody battle is due to the number of injuries her oldest son has when we get him. She will slap him repeatedly across the face as well as slapping the oldest. The youngest one is really the only one that isn't hit. I believe this has made them more aggressive in their fighting.

My problem is I don't know what to do about my youngest daughter not wanting to come here when his kids are here. It has been 2 weeks already and I miss her terribly. I will see her next weekend, but only because I am going to her birthday party. Then she is staying home and having a sleep over, and the next weekend she said she has other plans and can't come then either.

We have tried setting no hitting rules and we do separate the kids when they fight, but it doesn't seem to deter them from starting right back up once the time out is over. And we have not yet been able to get them to stop screaming at each other. My boyfriend is working on it though. Any advice on how to help calm the wild kids and make the quiet ones feel safe would be appreciated.

Thanks everyone and I really like this site. I have read some really great posts.
Robin