Manners
Hi I am new to this group. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. My partner has full custody of his 9 year old son. Child has no manners whatsoever. He is rude and interrupts adults conversations.
He has a bedroom, toyroom with tvs in both rooms, however we watch tv in our bedroom as he is watching his programs. Each night partner and I go to bedroom at 6 to watch tv.
Everytime I talk to partner about this, he sighs and says he is trying......but nothing is being done. He has created a horrible child that has no friends and no adult likes...
From what I have read, everyone seems to have the same issue. Great relationship with partner but all falls apart when the child is around.
what can I do to make this more bearable?
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your response! I think if my partner was making more of an effort to teach the child right from wrong - it would make a difference. This child is very clever and manipulative. When his gran is around, he has impeccable manners. With his father, he doesn't even say please or thank you.
If I get involved with correcting him ie saying "please close your mouth when you chew" to the child. Partner sighs.
How did you go about transforming your SS?
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your advice. I will have serious chat to Partner tonight.
ps as I am new to this and feeling a bit silly asking - what does SO stand for? :?
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your advice. I will have serious chat to Partner tonight.
ps as I am new to this and feeling a bit silly asking - what does SO stand for? :?
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your advice. I will have serious chat to Partner tonight.
ps as I am new to this and feeling a bit silly asking - what does SO stand for? :?
Who slapped you silly when
Who slapped you silly when you were young? This guy is a incompetent parent. The kid is well on his way to becoming a slug in life. Is your goal in life to straighten out another woman's kid and have none of your own? Because if you think this guy is the right guy to father your children and those children will grow up to be well parented you are naïve indeed.
Listen to grandpa. Guys don't change. What you're witnessing is what your children's father will be. Plus they'll have a half-brother to look up to who is worthless. Just poke around this site to read about these slugs that can't be moved out of the house because of incapable parents.
You've made a mistake. Fortunately its correctable as you've shown up here in time. Tell him you erred. Take the blame to avoid a fight - don't try and put it on his parenting he won't accept it anyway. Certainly don't accept a promise to do better in the future he's already successfully taken you down that route.
I know its hard to start over but a year doing so compared to a lifetime of this? There is no comparison. You're young and hardly close to the end of your childbearing years. Find a childless guy who has a good career going and is ready to become a father. Look hard at his father - your potential father-in-law and see how his kids turned out, especially the boys. Are they healthy productive citizens? If old enough are they raising successful families? If so then you've got a keeper - a guy to father your children.
Wait - there is a 9yo in the
Wait - there is a 9yo in the house and you & Dad retreat to your bedroom at 6pm to watch tv? Who interacts with this child except for the tv in his room(s)?
Thanks for your advise and
Thanks for your advise and input. I have a wonderful well-mannered son of 19 years old. I worked hard at parenting to ensure he turned out to be the man he is now. I have no plans of having any more kids. I do agree that SO is an non existent parent. He isn't disciplining this child and it's not the child's fault that he is a brat.
Submitted by jumanji on Sat, 02/15/2014 - 4:42pm.
Wait - there is a 9yo in the house and you & Dad retreat to your bedroom at 6pm to watch tv? Who interacts with this child except for the tv in his room(s)?
The child watches tv, he isn't willing to interact. We tried to get into routine of eating supper together at table. Child didn't want to as he will miss out of tv. He does his school homework in afternoon. Watches tv from 4 to 8:30. After which he showers and goes to bed with tv on until he is asleep. My SO won't push issue that child eats with us.
I can't seem to get through to this man that he is going to be stuck with a delinquent child/adult.
The tvs need to come out of
The tvs need to come out of his spaces. But, really - retreating to your own bedroom (the both of you) isn't exactly a positive example of parenting - it simply reinforces the situation. You both (you and Dad) can't watch tv in a family area? At 6pm? Dad should, and encourage his child to be there, too. Even if Dad has to spend an hour or two watching something he'd not choose for himself. Sorry - but he is a crappy parent. IMO.
I'm against children having
I'm against children having TVs in their rooms. My 9 year old says all her friends have one. We have one and it stays in the living room. Kids are exposed to so much stimuli -
Since my DW and I are equity
Since my DW and I are equity partners in life, we are also equity parents to any children in our home regardless of biology. So, I parented my Skid including discipline when necessary. My bride had a choice. Step up and get it done before I had to or bite her tongue and support me while I parented and disciplined.
Step up and parent your Skid since your SO is not. If he takes exception give him clarity by telling him if he does not like how you parent then he better step up and get it done before you have to.
Rude spawn are not tolerated in our home regardless of whose kids they are. They are also not tolerated at my parent’s house. As an example, even my brother's kids are told to leave the dining table if they do not use proper table manners. My parents to not tolerate rude people. It took a bit of time for my SIL and my brother to come to grips with the expectations that the rest of the family had regarding the behavior of their children but the choice was clear. Your kids behave or they do not visit grandma and grandpa or uncle Rags without their behavior being corrected. PERIOD!!!!
My SS has had impeccable manners since he was a young child. Yes Sir/Ma'am, no Sir/Ma'am, great table manners, etc... because that is how his mom and I raised him and that is what we required of him. Just as my parents required those things from my brother and I. I still struggle with how my brother chose to forego manners and behavioral accountability for his children until he started to feel detached from our family. Only then did he put his foot down with his kids and probably more pointedly with his wife. She is the hug them through it and coddle them to nauseatingly disgusting levels kind of parent. But, character eventually won out in the end and my bro's kids turned out fine after a number of years of behavioral battles.
Set the rules for YOUR home and hold the Skid accountable. SO can step up .... or not. Either way that kid should be held accountable and feel consequences for his behaviors.
IMHO of course.
Thank you for the response
Thank you for the response Rags. I agree especially with your motto. I have been told I am not allowed to discipline the child as it's not my duty by SO and BM. And apparently I "have unrealistic expectations" on kids. I was told I can't expect them ALWAYS be polite
4+ hours of TV or any
4+ hours of TV or any electronic device is ALOT in my opinion.
i too am in the camp of no TV in the bedroom - i actually take it so far as to say no TV in anyone's bedroom, even adults. sleep and medical experts all agree that TV has no place in the bedroom. its not healthy both from a medical standpoint but it has also been shown that couples often have less sex and intimacy when there is a TV in the room. i dread when we stay in hotels because you cant avoid the TV in the bedroom.