but I would start by talking about her when you're pretty sure she's "the one" and not wait until you're engaged, unless you plan to have a lengthy engagement. That way, your son isn't introduced to the idea of someone else in your life and then immediately having to deal with the fact that she's all of a sudden your new wife.
If you and your ex are amicable, I would say that the first time they meet will certainly be awkward, but only until everyone gets used to the situation. As long as you know that you're with someone who's a good person and will be good to your son, you don't have anything to answer for. Good luck.

If your relationship is serious w/the your girlfriend then I think it's okay to introduce them to your son & ex. If you are just going to date a couple of women then I suggest you wait til you know you are serious about one person and then introduce. I don't think that would be a problem, be honest and staight-forward. Better to know early than never. They need time to adjust...give it time. Behavior & attitude might change so expect that.

In the early days of our relationship my partners held a BBQ at his house and invited me, along with his friends, family and EW, and EW's family (whom he still had a strong attachment to at the time).

So I was shown off to all for judgement (with my Bio daughter).

The EW told my partner that my teenage Bio daughter had the hots for him (she just 'picked up a vibe' about it). When he told me what the EW had said I laughed and laughed. Luckily, he has long since learnt that she is a manipulative bitch.

That was the beginning of her attempts to manipulate and control our relationship. I remember, some time later, when we decided to move in together and buy a home, she wanted to come up and inspect the house we were considering. WTF did it have to do with her???

Now three years later, we are marrying (September) and she is still up to the 'drama' tricks to get attention back. But no matter what she pulls, we are happy and nothing will stop us from marrying and being happy.

When you are ready to move forward with your personal life and meet someone special, it probably won't be easy, but you can get through it if you support your new partner and put her first (not the EW).

Kids adjust, in my experience, it takes a lot of time, and they can do and say quite a lot of hurtful things along the way. Then, one day your SK's tell you they love you, or they kiss you on the cheek for no reason, or they just want to hang around you. Then you know that things are settling into place again.

Good luck...............

Just keep smiling......................

to give them chance to run (no offence ) but in my situation ive gotten my self into if i would have met his 3 screaming rude little brats before i fell in love with him i would have gone i dont feel the stress is worth it and it wouldnt of hurt me back then like it would now! the sooner you start to introdue your new woman to the children i feel the easyer it will be !

and always always always try to involve your new woman and never undermind her autority !

remember all the comment on this site its not easy fro su step moms

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

i dont think there is any easy way to start introducing everyone.
kids, do it slowly. being there is a distance between you makes it a little easyer because you can date many people but when the one is it then you can make that choice at that time. as far as the EW goes. I have seen my hubbys EX face to face twice and got in one argument on the phone 2 years ago and i havent talked to her since. i've been with my husband for 6 years. she made NO attempt to get to know me, and it took her five years to come to my house to pick up SS and see where he lived. eather she didnt care or she really trusted my hubby that hes in good hands
( my SS also lives in another state so we only see him for 6 weeks in the summer and everyother christmas)(and she HAS been back in this state to visit many times.) the only reason she came to my house was because in the argument on the phone i asked her what kind of mom doesnt even know what or where her son lives and it still took her a year to see his home. If everyone gets along it should go well, my husband never made a formal into. with her and i which was fine with me bacause knowing what i know about her i cant stand her one bit. if you dont get along then who cares your business is your business. I felt it was HER place to get to know the women in HER childs life, not my job to get to know her. good luck

I'd say be very careful, and aware that no matter how amicable you think your relationship with your ex-wife is, it will probably change for the worse once you get seriously involved with another woman. If it doesn't seem to change much during the courtship, it will still probably change when you get married. Expect tension, power plays, and expect to see a side of your ex that you never saw before.

On the side of your new GF, be very mindful and deliberate about having conversations with her about every possible aspect of parenting and the dynamics that this situation could give rise to. Talk through EVERY possibility, discuss and agree on ground rules, and be open to her worries as well as yours. I don't mean to sound full of my own little situation, but being a stepmom is a really, really hard gig. In many ways, it's the hardest gig of anyone's in the new structure (except the kids if things aren't handled well).

Be PATIENT. Your GF's relationship with your kids will evolve over time, as will her feeling of discomfort or comfort with the situation. It may take quite a while for her to feel like she "belongs" and has a place in your life that's equally as important as your first wife's was. Be gentle with her and realize that, as I said before, it is a really hard gig to marry someone else's ex-husband. It's very possible that your ex-wife will, at some point, do things to deliberately make your GF feel unwanted and less important.

Finally -- and this is assuming that the person we are talking about is poised to become your future wife -- definitely listen to those who say that it's important to make your relationship with your wife the priority. That is the only way that everyone concerned will realize that she is just as important to you as your first wife was. If everyone isn't clear about that, it opens the door for the ex to manipulate you, her, and the children. It also opens the door for your kids to ask themselves questions about whether they should accept you (questions it might never occur to them to ask unless you send off the vibe that your GF is only going to be a priority if they approve). This last point sounds really selfish coming from a SM, but I have to say I have a fantastic relationship with my SKs, and I really owe it all to the fact that my husband did this. A smart woman would leave a situation where the guy didn't do this.

Good luck, whenever it happens. It's definitely more complicated the second time around, but it can be great, despite the complexity.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

The kid is part of your life even if only for limited visitation. The kid will meet your future spouse the Ex has no say nor any reason to ever meet or know your future spouse.

I would make sure that your intended and your kids get the opportunity to meet and know each other a bit before you marry. The relationship between your kids and new spouse will take time to grow.

I would do no more than confirm the situation for the Ex when she calls after hearing the news from the kids.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

I'm glad you asked this question.

I am in a getting more serious relationship with a man with two pieces of hold luggage (kids), and a complete psycho of an ex wife }:) (oh, and that is a professional diagnosis, not just a bitter ex husband).

Although I am a child-free by choice, I like kids, and have a fair idea about how wrangle them having been a very involved auntie in an extended family.

This site either makes me laugh, cry or wonder if just need to give in and turn into a mad old cat lady. Problem is, I finally met a man who I actually, really truly love.

I just hope he is as good as he seems!

I think I will just wear keblar for several months when the ex finally hears about me. Just hope them make it in my colour

I met my stepson’s mother almost a year ago when she dropped him after visitation. The moment I met her, she started reproaching my husband, fiancé at that time, about not telling her that his fiancée and her son has spent a lot of time together. Of course, that was BS because she knew all that. She just wanted to play the victim role again. But it didn’t work. Then she started to give me that crap of how protective mother she is with her son and how much she is involved in his life. BS!!!!!!!!!! She doesn’t give a s***on her son. She uses him as a pawn every time her games don’t work.
Anyway, my husband and I got married back in May and didn’t tell her anything.

Do you guys think we should tell her and how? She doesn’t tell us anything about any potential man in her life.

My stepson is 3 years old and we did not have any problems with relating with one another. It came naturally.

I was baptism by fire when it came to the ex's. I was involved with the skids as soon as I moved in with now-DH. I was not as instrumental in the decision making process, but then again, neither was DH, especially with SD15(10 at the time) since BM made all the decisions. But when DH proposed, skids were involved the whole way, even helping to pick out the ring. We decided to have the district judge marry us rather than go through the hoopla of the wedding proess (again). SD15's BM didn't care, SS8's BM was upset because we didn't include the kids in the wedding, but nothing really changed as far as my involvement in their lives and the role change.

As far as your issue is concerned, once you know she's the one, introduce your son to her and let him get to know her. Make sure you continue to the communication with him to see how he's feeling about certain things, being sure to reinforce that new SM would not replace BM and all that talk. And I think a cordial statement to BM would be appropriate as well and give her the opportunity to meet SO. She won't like it but she does need to know who your son will be around when she's not there.

GOod luck!