My SD10 has a BM with severe personality disorders, including borderline, bipolar, and alcohol/drug addiction (not to mention narcissism and a strong sense of entitlement). Thankfully, my SD is in our custody at the moment, with limited access to her mother, though this will likely change over the next year or two.

For a few years, my SD was in her BM's full custody while the BF fought false allegations of abuse. During that time, my SD was made to lie to protect her BM, and also learned to do so to protect herself from her BM's wrath. So now we have a child who's had it instilled in her that she needs to lie or blame others for her actions in order to keep out of trouble.

Unfortunately for me, knowing the source of the problem doesn't keep the behavior from driving me crazy! If she doesn't feel she can be honest at 10, where are we going to be when she's 14?

I need some ideas of how to break her of this very bad habit. She needs to be able to trust that we'll be here for her and that she's safe if she tells us the truth. But she's so darn sensitive that if we get upset with her for her actions when she does misbehave, she immediately goes on the defensive. My husband has the patience of Job with her, but I find my fuse growing ever shorter.

If anyone has a tried and true response to how to curb lying that doesn't come with harsh punishment (this child has already been through the wringer), I'd be ever so grateful.