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Handling Awkward Moments with Boyfriend & His Children's Behavior

settLM22's picture

Submitted by settLM22 on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 3:51pm

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Parenting Issues

Out for dinner at a restaurant, I observed my b-friend bending over backwards to please his 15 year old daughter because she didn't like the restaurant we went. She refused to order food, sat and remained silent as her BF tried to ask her 20 different ways what she wanted to eat. He also became frustated and didn't want to have normal dinner conversation with the others so it was soooo awkward through dinner for everyone - there was 5 of us. At the end of dinner to make her happy he said "would you like to go get ice cream?" She put a little smile on her face and said "where?"...he mentioned a place and she said "I don't like that place", so on and so forth. I couldn't believe it, didn't say a word at the time but then a few days later I told him he shouldn't reinforce bad behavior with a reward and he just became silent and it was obvious he wasn't happy with what I said. Some background, she is a very fussy eater and he always makes separate food for her and I've never said anything but I don't support that either but just kept out of it. She is otherwise a good kid. Should I have just stayed silent on the restaurant issue and not said anything? How to fix? We didn't argue - he is just silent and distant with me now...

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 4:02pm

I am learning the hard way that the SO doesn't want parenting advice. I've had to stop all together.

We actually end up arguing. It hurts his feelings because he sees me as being judgmental. Since I have no child (we have no child together) he sees me as not equipped to give advice.

Its very hard, but repeating the good words I've learned here on steptalk...
If you want to do good for your relationship, let him parent how he sees fit. You work on you and him

Easier said than done, and I'm making many mistakes but learning as I go.

settLM22's picture

Submitted by settLM22 on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 4:13pm

Thanks, much appreciated, so glad I asked as I didn't feel good about it - good advise and sayings. Sorry you have gone through the same. I'll probably avoid family dinner outings for a while though....haha.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 5:44pm

Yep, after 4 years I've ONLY JUST STARTED doing this. Hard habit to break. I stopped going on outings at all the last two weekends they were here. SO hated it but I stood my ground. I will be a bit more compromising. I will go on a couple of outings during their weekends, but keeping myself busy for a majority of the time.

I really needed some space away from them. Even though I'm only having issues with SD and SO's parenting of her, poor SS doesn't get my time either. He's actually really great. I have to be fair though.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 5:46pm

Yes this! SO knows I will have full control if we have a child. No way does mine end up being self centered and spoiled.

settLM22's picture

Submitted by settLM22 on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 5:37pm

Exactly! Nice to see it in writing how I was feeling! I would have done the same with my kids (they are now older). This is all new to me....just one year but we don't have his girls all the time so I try to be understanding.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 5:45pm

I guarantee it will wear on you if you involve yourself. Just let go now while you are still early in the relationship. You will save yourself a lot of headaches. I really wish I had found this site from the beginning.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 04/27/2011 - 7:02pm

i wouldnt be going out to dinner with her anymore-then u dont have to watch him cater and parent poorly