Dreading the summer
Well, school will be out in a few weeks and that means that the 3 skids (SD15, SD13, SS9) will be planted in front of their computers from the minute they wake until bedtime, coming downstairs only to eat. DH is a computer addict, too, and though he gives lip-service to the idea that this much computer time is not healthy, he does nothing about it. (He's too busy reading Reddit or whatever.)
Last summer was my first with my new family, and I nearly went over the edge. There I was, trying to form a relationship with my new skids, but they had no interest in anything that wasn't on a computer.
For the most part, our relationships aren't adversarial (though SD15 is starting to tell DH that she doesn't think I want her around. Which is admittedly half true - I dislike her behavior but that's another post) but living like this is like being alone in a crowded room - really unsettling and not how I want to feel in my own home.
It's harder that it might be otherwise since I moved 1000 miles to marry this man, and haven't really found any friends in my new city. I'm working from home, so not meeting any people at work.
Not sure what advice anyone might have, but it feels good just to vent! Thanks.
Thanks for the comments. I
Thanks for the comments. I know this is minor compared to some of the situations others are facing, and I know I that adjusting my expectations is probably the best course... but I care for these kids and worry that they're growing up with virtually no life skills.
Which in a vacuum is not my problem... but I don't want 'em living with us cuz they can't make it on their own! DH loves 'em to death but isn't terribly good at teaching them stuff they ought to know by now, or holding them accountable.
Hell, he still wakes them up for school every morning and tells them when it's time to leave for school! We gave 'em alarm clocks but "oh, I lost mine in the move" or "I forgot to set it" or whatever excuse. So he just wakes them up every day. The oldest missed her bus? He'll drive her to school (instead of making her take her bike) so she knows she can procrastinate and he'll bail her out. (The one time he insisted she ride her bike, she GOT LOST, had an anxiety attack, called BM to rescue her, and then of course DH and I get hit with a load of guilt. She's almost 16 years old and can't find her high school that's 1 mile away???)
Some kids are really bad with
Some kids are really bad with oriewnting themselves. My oldest could get lost finding his way out of a paper bag. His Dad is the same, as is my Mom. It really isn't something you can teach. My youngest? Is like my Dad & I - drop us in the middle of anywhere, and we can find our way w/o maps or GPS. We have an internal compass the others don't.
God knows, I have tried to teach my son. But it is hopeless. (he does better in the city, where things are better structured on a grid.)
She can't find her school
She can't find her school because every minute she and her fellow students are gazing at their machines.
Without Dad's help this is hopeless. If you want to save him perhaps a book on parenting is in order. The on-line version of course.
How dedicated to this guy are you? Doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me. Could it be time to admit you made a mistake and bow gracefully out?
What about trying to do
What about trying to do something with all three of your SK's one day a week during the summer? Or since you seem to be having trouble with SD15 asking if she would like to do something just the two of you? I used to take my SD's to lunch twice a month, just us. It was a great way for us to become friends and for me to help with their people skills and manners (they thought it was ok for a female to make bodily functions in public, it isn't ok even at home!)and to discuss any "issues" they had or I may have with them.
You can't parent the oldest, you really can't parent any with BM involved, but you can be a friend, role model, etc. to them. And by having a relationship with them you can guide them with social skills and help them in life.
Do you know how to change the
Do you know how to change the Wi-Fi password? If your DH is on board, change it every night and give them a list of stuff they have to accomplish that day before they get the password... the list could be as simple as eat breakfast and get dressed or could include things like cutting the grass, spending an hour outside etc.
I say leave them home and go
I say leave them home and go do something for yourself! Take a cooking, painting, or pottery class. Check out the website for the city you live in because usually Parks and Recreation offers tons of classes at very affordable rates and then you can meet some friends.
Thanks again for the comments
Thanks again for the comments & feedback. It's so good to get some validation for my perspective!
I've tried suggesting various one-on-one activities with the skids with very limited success; mostly, nothing is more attractive to them than their electronic boxes.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of changing the Wi-Fi password every day! to force them to find other activities, but unless DH gets on board that's just not gonna happen. We do make them log off their computers at bedtime, and only we have the passwords to log them back in. But not only does he log them in automatically in the morning, SD15 also has a smart phone AND school-supplied tablet that somehow DH exempts from this rule. He knows he should be limiting those devices as well, but doesn't actually do it because she cries & says she can't get to sleep without the music on her phone (actually, she can't get to sleep cuz she's on her damn phone all night). I point out that it's going to be harder & harder to justify limiting the younger skids' screen time as they start to realize that limits don't apply equally to their older sister. And he agrees but still does nothing. Oh well.
I guess I should just accept that this is one of those things that I can't change, and start investing my energies & emotions in something else. The chickens will come home to roost at some point, and DH won't be able to say that he wasn't warned. (Just as long as those chickens are not adult children who think that they're entitled to live in MY house!! }:) )