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Do I tell him the truth

Dcmom13's picture

Submitted by Dcmom13 on Sun, 06/16/2019 - 12:30pm

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Parenting Issues

So I survived two weeks with tween SS by severely disengaging .. no cleaning, leave the room when I can’t stand it any more, etc

DH has been maid, cook, manservant, activity director whole time. Pains me to see him taken advantage of .. I know he has tremendous divorced dad guilt, coupled with trying to not be like his dad. 

If he asks, do I tell him honestly what I think of his kids? It will hurt him. And I can coexist  with them by disengaging.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 06/16/2019 - 1:02pm

It is the behaviors that you have issues with, correct? So, yes, I would be honest with him. Maybe you can help him open his eyes and see that despite the guilt or whatever, he needs to be DAD and not let his son get away with crappy behavior.

I would be embarrassed if I let my kid get away with such behavior that people didn't even want to be around him.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 06/17/2019 - 10:15am

"It breaks my heart that  you are motivated by guilt and the overwhelming need to not be your father.  Your children take advantage of  you and I cannot participate in that.  When you gain clarity on these facts and how they impact you and me, I may participate with your children. Until then I cannot be a part of this dynamic."

Keep it simple and direct.

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Mon, 06/17/2019 - 10:28am

I wouldn't say anything, as I don't think it will do any good. If he is a true guilty daddy....he won't change the behaviors.

I would just stay disengaged.