14-year-old step son is going to make me lose it
My 14-year-old step son is a very high energy child who is hard to satisfy. He constantly talks while everyone is trying to watch TV or a movie together and then asks what happened (this enrages me). He always has to poke around everywhere in our house and mess with things that aren't his and that he knows he should not mess with. I am concerned he may take something because he's done that in the past at other people's houses. My husband and I have several collectible toys in display cases and I feel like I have to count everything after every weekend he is there because I don't trust him. He is a huge know-it-all who knows very little about everything and he constantly sneaks around doing stuff he knows he isn't allowed to do, like sneaking in the kitchen at night and taking snacks back to his room and leaving wrappers everywhere. He never seems to stop talking and he has this sense of entitlement that makes me want to scream. Just today, he watched my husband leave to go take a shower and as soon as he has closed the door, he shot up from his seat and started poking around in rooms he isn't supposed to be in. This is extremely frustrating because when I tell him not to do something, he either ignores me and keeps doing it, waits for me to turn my back and keeps doing it, or he sneaks off to ask his dad if he can do it and his dad usually says yes (or even if he says no, the kid does it anyway). It is absolutely INFURIATING. When I try to mention these issues to my husband, he just gets mad and explains it away or says I need to tell him not to do it. I've tried telling him that he doesn't listen to me but he just gets so mad about me always complaining about the kid that I don't really feel comfortable mentioning my concerns anymore. He always pushes for us to buy stuff for him or he asks for our stuff that he likes, which my husband sometimes gives to him without my permission or by putting me on the spot in front of him. I absolutely dread every weekend he comes over. I am also concerned that this kid isn't going to launch and he's going to be living with us forever. He's failed his grade TWICE and doesn't try at all in school because no one makes him. He lies and hides stuff so much, it makes me sick just being around him. Any help would be appreciated as I am to the point where I am questioning whether or not I can keep all this up and stay in my marriage, as much as I love my husband.
Locks, cameras, and an air horn!
Lock the cabinets, lock the doors to the rooms that are Skid exclusion zones. Put a security system and comprehensive camera coverage in your home (excluding appropriately private areas). When he does the "daddy's in the shower I'm breaking the rules crap" play the footage for daddy when daddy gets done with his shower. Have SS-14 stand for the footage review and grill him until he explains himself.
When he blabs during a movie (at home) hit pause and chirp the air horn in his direciton and tell him to STFU (use better words of course). This is not a young child. This is a 14yo ffs.
If the standards are not set and inforced, this is a lost cause.
Enforce the standards. It is not a complicated process. Not easy by any means. But not complicated.
KISS.
He is 14 and prime age for Military boarding school. I would have this kid marching, doing push-ups, and responding with nothing but Yes/No Ma'am/Sir until he finishes HS. Under the hairy eyeball of experts who have countless experience in enforcing standards of behavior and performance.
It has worked wonders for 3Gens of the Rags clan. Including my SS-30.
Good luck.