What can be done? (New and confused)
What a wonderful site! Thank you all for creating and being a part of. I knew there had to be somewhere!
I have two girls from a previous marriage and my fiance has two sons from a previous marriage. He has joint custody with his ex wife who is an active addict. She has no drivers license due to multiple DUI's and getting caught driving without a license. So my fiance's parents and him have catered to her every whim regardless of her irrational behavior and mood swings. She now only has the kids 1-2 nights a week due to her not being able to get the kids to school (she lives 15 miles away) and when she does keep them she doensn't always put them in carseats (ages 5 & 6) in the cab or if she illegally drives another persons car. She has gone into his house and stolen things when we are outside.. she gets drunk with the kids there just her two nights. My thing is, she is in no shape of mind to have over night visitiation. It is typically a drama at least 2 times a week on a good week. I love all the children in my life and want to protect them and I need to think about my girls prior to marriage. Any one else delt with this??? I love my so very much and he is such a wonderful father but he is so afraid of doing anything. He says fathers typically lose and alcoholism is hard to prove. There are so many things that I know are morally and ethically wrong that have taken place but it would take a lot of time! Part of me feels like I should shut my eyes and just pray the boys are not hurt ever physically from her irresponsibility or emotionally damaged.
Thanks for listening!!!
This is my personal..
Opinion.. He needs to put his boys first.. I am not saying he is not.. But she is dangerous to them.. Alcohol should not be that hard to prove since she has prior DUI convictions and no license due to it. I think you should try to push him to do something about her. She is going to end up hurting or killing one of them or someone else for that matter. Prove her unfit, again given the cicumstances and how much you have them it should not be to hard. Difficult yes but is hard to much for you to push for or loosing one of them. I am not in your situation. But I can tell you as a kid my mom's BF whom I love dearly had to go to AA and a couple incidents I remember, he drove with me home after being at a bar all night. My mom bartended and he was there drinking and refused to let me go home with her.. I layed my head down and prayed all the way home that we would make it there safely.
Maybe talk to her. IS she that unstable? I would at least try it.
Thanks for the response... I
Thanks for the response... I cannot talk to her. Ever since I came into the picture she wants my so back and has manipulated through the kids and him to show it. She is only respectful when his parents are around and she knows she cannot act insane. I have researched and she fits all the narcissistic characteristics. My father is a doctor and he feels she is bi-polar and medicates with substances. I wish and have prayed that I could some how help her because I know what it is like to feel alone and I know why she acts the way she does but that isn't an excuse to continue. I would be so happy to be a resource but she has made it clear that won't happen.
I will continue to gently nudge in the direction of getting at least legal advice! I think that isn't asking for much considering we are talking about innocent children.
Well..
She obviously is in denial of her "dependency" which is very sad for you.. I wish you luck on your long journey ahead.. Be strong!! You will get thru this..