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BM causing issues at school

healthnut's picture

Submitted by healthnut on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 7:15pm

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Mentally Unfit Biological Parents

Background, FDH has fully legal/physical custody. BM has supervised visits. FDH and I have been together for 2 years and a year and a half of that I have been her primary care provider. I have not had contact/met BM because I feel like she has an agenda or an ulterior motive so she can attempt manipulation tactics of one form or another with me which seems to be her MO with every person she meets. I have been writing a journal since school started about BM's activities since there has been an incident at school with her almost every day!!! FSD5 just started Kindergarten and goes to same school as my DD7.
BM has picks up FSD5 from school via the car line on Mondays and Wednesdays.
So today, I got to school early and parked, waiting for the front gate to open, I see BM go to the front office (30 min before her court ordered visit time), she came out a minute later (probably told by the front office that it was too early. She is SUPPOSED to stay in her car and pick FSD5 via the car line. She walks off and the gate opens. So I go get my daughter and am walking to my car where I see BM and supervisor waiting by the front gate. I put my daughter in the car and notice BM come up to my car and standing behind me waiting for me. She has been told at least twice from FDH I do not want to meet her. So, I find it inappropriate that she chose this specific time and place to put it upon herself to approach me. I decide the best thing to do is to ignore her, so after I get DD7 in the car, I shut the door, and start walking around the front of my car as she is saying "oh healthnut, it's so nice to finally meet you" and I just get in the driver's side and leave. Hopefully she got the hint that she isn't worth my time and I was serious when she was told I didn't want to meet her. The last thing I wanted was to have a confrontation infront of the school, infront of my daughter. The only thing I would have told her is this isn't the appropriate time for this, but feel that would have started a confrontation with her anyway given what I know about her.
I called FDH and was shaking, my voice shaking too when I told him about what happened. My intuition tells me not to have contact with BM and I truly believe in listening to that. I felt like she was harrassing me today, borderline stalking. I know that seems extreme, but given the circumstances, that's how I felt.
She has done SO much to discredit me to FSD5 and starting things at the school with front office, principal and teacher. I'm so fortunate though because FSD5 tells me all the time "BM says so and so" about me or about something I do with her and I ask how she feels about it and she says "I don't think its true, I know you take really good care of me" she is always sticking up to me to BM!!! Score major points for me!!!

So anyway, I'm thinking of filing a restraining order if more incidence like this happen or if something out of hand happens. Given her history I don't think it will be difficult.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 7:27pm

I have not experienced anything like that,,,yet. I am a believer in listening to your gut though. If you're feeling unsafe then I would get a restraining order. Safety comes first.

unwillingparticipant's picture

Submitted by unwillingparticipant on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 8:06pm

It's more difficult than you may think to get a restraining order. In CT, someone has to physically touch you to get one. A court won't grant one just because you have a "feeling" something is going to happen. Otherwise, every paranoid, delusional (I'm absolutely not saying you are like that), schizophrenic person in the world would have one because they think their house is being watched by the fbi and jesus told him so.

healthnut's picture

Submitted by healthnut on Mon, 09/12/2011 - 8:18pm

lol, I totally understand. Its something that I know is an option I will use if something does happen to warrant one. I just cannot believe her audacity in approaching me at school in front of my daughter when she has been specifically told at least twice I do not want to meet her. She does not understand the concept of boundaries, and THAT is scary.

She is a drug addict (supposedly not currently on her cocktail of meds) but has given FSD5 some kind of pill she had to swallow recently. I'm so concerned about FSD safety, FDH doesn't really have "evidence" so he hasn't done anything about it. I'm constantly concerned for FSD safety with her BM even when she is with a supervisor because apparently the supervisor is only there to make sure there is no overt physical harm. The emotional and psychological harm is so bad though. I just want this POS out of my life (meaning BM). This year since FSD is in Kindergarten we thought it would be easiest to have pickups at school instead of someone else being the in-between (as I refuse to do this job), and it has just been one thing after another. She is digging her own grave, and FAST. I wouldn't be surprised if school asks her not to come back any longer from her harrassing the office.

Anyway, it feels good to get some of these feelings off my chest.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 3:02am

You mentioned that SD5 has supervised visits - shouldn't the supervisor be accompanying BM to school to fetch her daughter as she is otherwise unsupervised?
Aside from this issue, I would continue to ignore her, and document all encounters in case you ever should need details of them. I agree with you, she is digging her own grave, and by the sound of the way she behaved at the school, the current arrangement is not likely to last long.

healthnut's picture

Submitted by healthnut on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 8:08am

Yes, the supervisor was with her. Yes, I have been documenting everything from first day of school.

FSD5 mentioned yesterday when I got her from school that BM was trying to meet me for the first time yesterday but I got in the car too fast. She also mentioned that BM was wanting to talk to me about her backpack to get it from me. She seemed to want an explanation. I just told her no, I didn't meet BM yesterday and I don't know anything about her trying to meet me. Also explained BM has visitations with her, not her backpack.

The backpack issue seems to be a big one, I take it home with me every time I get DD7 to take it home. There is sent home personal info occasionally along with graded work, upcoming events, message back and forth from parent to teacher. This doesn't belong to BM. She has been making a stink to the teacher just how upset she is (notice sarcasm) that backpack isn't being sent home with her. I explained to the teacher that it's ok she feels this way, and I will be continuing to take it home. I need to put lunch away, get it ready for next day and it makes no sense for it to go with BM then FDH at pickup then home.

FDH even wrote a letter to school trying to get everyone on the same page that any issues BM brings up need to be discussed between himself and BM and the school not feel like they need to get in the middle. Also BM has zero say in education so anything she says to be noted in regard to that and any school papers with her name on it to be considered null and void.

This wackjob is also questioning FSD5 about her lunches and if there is enough food in them. Apparently when FSD5 is picked up at 3 and hungry it is because I am not packing enough lunch for her. So she has dropped by school a few times to give her extra food. REALLY!!!! I have been taking care of the girl for a year and a half and I don't know how much food she eats? Also, when kid comes home from school they should be hungry! It's snack time! Another way for her to make herself look important to the school as if I am not taking care of her. We told office to hold food in office and it not be passed to FSD.

Btw, I am her legal female guardian and have more rights than BM does Smile can't wait for her to find out!