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SD hates me suddenly

katana127's picture

Submitted by katana127 on Tue, 11/12/2019 - 9:18pm

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Disengaging

To give some back story, when I met SD when she was about 9, she immediately attached to me. Always went with me everywhere and ect. I loved SD as my own daughter and she called me mom for a bit and loved me too. Time went on and SD was doing a lot of bad things and DH and I were the ones to push her in the right direction as BM doesnt really care and lets skids do as they please. Fast forward to now SD has me on snapchat and Instagram and in reference to my last post I messaged her regarding why she missed school twice in a row. To summon that up BM covered for her texting DH that SD is sick. Today SS11 came over because I texted BM asking if he wanted to come play in the snow with BD4. SS11 has a huge preference for me and DH over BM. Constantly gets home sick when he goes to BMs house. SS11 let us know that when I texted SD whispered something to BM and BM told SD that she doesnt ever have to tell me anything if she doesnt want to. Then SD unfollowed me on Instagram. We also found out SD often goes over to BMs and talks poorly of us and when SS11 walks in they stop because they know he will tell us. I feel like im dealing with a bunch of teenagers including BM! I feel really heart broken right now. This has all been extremely sudden that SD has been distant to me. All these years of me doing everything I can to make her feel happy in our blended home and this is what I get. DH and I decided she wont be allowed here anymore and that he will spend time with her outside of the home if he wants to. Are we doing the right thing? We feel like we lost SD (not to mention BM has 2 other daughters that are highschool drop outs that I feel like are influencing SD as well...) any advice? Does anyone relate? I seriously feel so heart broken...

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Wed, 11/13/2019 - 4:09am

I don't think you're doing the right thing if there's not more to this than you've written. Your SD has been distant with you, she unfollowed you on social media and you've been told by an 11 year old (who may or may not have gotten it 100% correct and who may or may not have an agenda) that she speaks poorly of you and DH to her mother. If that's it, banning her from your home is an overreaction.  How old is SD?

STaround's picture

Submitted by STaround on Wed, 11/13/2019 - 5:56am

Unless there is more to this, let it go.

I would not encourage SS11 to spy on his sister and report back to you.  Every child is allowed to talk to his or her parents.

If you are honestly concerned that you ard DH are losing SD, or that her older stepsisters are a bad influence, I do not see how banning her from your house will help.   I would think dad would want more time with her, not less. 

If you have been texting your stepkids on their moms time, you might want to limit that to emergencies.   It is just respectful of the other parents' time. 

 

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Wed, 11/13/2019 - 8:51am

You have what is called "Trying Too Hard" syndrome. Why are you texting these kids and up in their business so much? I have been a SM to two skids for 14 years. Texts between us were few and far between, always related to giving them rides, and always, always when they were at my house. I have never once texted them while they were at their mom's house. Why? Because their bm sucks and would have increased her alienation efforts, just like your skids' bm has done.

I guarantee if you take a huge step back and stop trying to shove yourself down these kids' throats that your relationships will improve. Bm may even lighten up on her hate campaign. 

But banning his kid because she blocked you on social media? What in the ever loving heck?