Personally I would not attend any gathering where I am disrespected verbally by any family member, especially if DH doesn't defend you.    In your place I would be inclined to get a cab home if DH did not intervene on your behalf, as would be the proper behaviour of a spouse.  What I would not do is put up, and shut up.  Spent too many years doing that.  

No way would I take that $hit - I'd  be ready and armed. And you should not have to miss Christmas or other holidays - I assume there are other people at these gatherings you'd like to spend time with. If not by all means do not go. But do not be pushed around and be ready to fire back what some stinging ammunition. It will be totally gratifying.

You say no one else hears it?  But I think you mean no one else interprets it as snide

If no one else hears it then just ignore it. Nothing worse than trying to get under someone's skin and they don't even notice, so don't give her the satisfaction of getting upset so she knows her comments landed.  Or give her the old Southern, "well bless your heart!" which is really an eff off in disguise.

This doesn't rise to the level of needing a response, in my book.  Be the classier person.

Just pretend you don't even hear it.

My SD once thought she was making an oh-so clever snarky remard towards me, and I just kept on doing what I was doing, without even glancing her way. I saw her in my peripheral vision, though, and she was very disappointed. It took a lot for her to get up the nerve to do it, only for it to fall flat. And she didn't dare repeat it, so....

You not understand her comment will upset her more them knowing what she said.  It will force her to make her comment more understanding to everybody.  It make her look like the sh*tty person she is.

 Think about it’s only four days to six a year you have to deal with her.   You are lucky by most SP standards 

You also should be supper nice to every kid there except SK

Ask for clarification: “I’m sorry, what was that? What do you mean by that?” Let everyone hear.

I would call them out on it. People like this expect you to be the bigger person and ignore it for social niceties sake. 

"Wow, SD that was rude. I know your Dad taught you better manners." 

Confront it immediately when it happens.  Each and every time.  Baring the asses of toxic pricks changes their behavior.  Be direct, confident, and stern.

Ever so politely, you say, “I didn’t hear you, SD.  Would you please repeat that?” Presumably you’ll be talking with someone else, who now will also heat her snark. 

She’ll either slink off, say something irrelevant, or actually repeat her comment. If she does say something rude, keep asking her more questions. “Why would you say that?” “I’m curious why you feel that way.” She’ll eventually be cornered or your DH will step in.  

You demonstrate that you’re smarter, wiser, and strong. 

Dont be caught in the kitchen alone with them  either...

Its a darn shame their dad doesnt put them in their place.

I do not attend family gatherings and have not for 5 holiday seasons.  The first season DH attended SD58 and family without me, I went to my family alone.  It was not fun.  After that DH would not go without me, so we have people in to our home.  SD58  and SGD34 won't come to our home for gatherings, they are punishing DH. 

I have open house for friends and family, pot luck.  It has been very successful.   SD58  and SGD34  refuse to even acknowledge our event.  DH has seen their true colors.  It is not even discussed.

If you choose to go, I would call your SD out on her remarks.  With a smile say "Wow, what did you just say?"

Sorry you are putting up with this.  I did for years, not now.  My SD58  is now trying to be friends, when she visits her Dad.  I am civil, but do not, nor will I, engage with her again.  DH and SD58  are narcissist and nothing will ever change towards me.

The two of them are partners in a separate relationship.  I have accepted their enmeshment and have a life of my own.  Our marriage is not a marriage, because of my mini wife SD58.   My marriage is a  peaceful arrangement.  My choice, never will it be in their control again.

Good luck.  Hugs.  

I know it isn't easy to have rude comments from adult skids aimed at you at family functions. I've had to deal with this many times, not only with rude comments made when only DH and I can hear for the most part, but also with the games they play. Games like always acknowledging DH when I am right next to him and completely ignoring me. I don't care anymore, it use to be hurtful, but you just begin to expect that as the norm. or the game of having busy body in law call DH over then have skid run right up to him so I won't  hear them...happens all the time.

What DH would say to his hateful brood sometimes would be things like, "you remember my wife Disrespect, don't you." when they played the ignore game. When they would insist to corner DH alone for a "family"'pic DH would say to me loud, "Disrestep come over here, it's time to take pictures."' There were also many times when DH would say he never heard the comments or would not say anything and just pretend like nothing was said. I don't expect DH to say anything  in my defense though, although it's nice to have a guy who has your back.

What I'm wondering is what comebacks can DH use or I can use when those comments are said to him. DH has received a ton of rude comments in the past from the adult skids, like "Your flipping wife has you by the b@!!$" or "Here is your holiday present from last year since we didn't get to see you" or "Oh how nice to see you, since we never do." and "Those aren't your words, those words are coming from your bleeping(insert swear) wife".

I've tried everything from being nice and smiling right at them, to giving it right back to them to avoiding them all together. What I find is less stressful is just avoiding them as best I can at family functions. That way they can spew all the hatred they want, I won't hear it or tell them off like they deserve. 

Good luck...do what makes you feel the most comfortable.

I know when someone used to be particularly fowl mouthed, my aunt would say, "How do you manage to eat out of the same filthy mouth you talk with and avoid infection? I'm truly baffled."

My other aunt would say, "Your daddy would be proud. Why don't we go get him so he can hear too? I don't want him to miss out on what he raised."

Filthy talk is sometimes rude's cousin. They can be closely intertwined to those who are skilled and practiced.

It's happened to me personally, when SD decided to try to take jabs. The one time I elected to respond at all, I chose: "Fortunately my class level will not permit me to go to your level, that would somehow make us equals. I choose to scrape the excrement off the bottoms of my shoes, rather than wear it as an accessory."

Be upbeat, happy and positive. Don't for a minute let them think their snide comments bother you at all. If they've said something obviously meant to disrespect you, you can calmly question/call them out on it without causing a scene. Do so maturely and calmly. If your SD's lose it and make a scene, that's on them

For your part, the calmer, and more together/confidently you handle them, the less likely they are to behave like idiots (unless they really are that, and then hardly worth the time and energy you would put into correcting them)

My husband corrects nothing and that is why they behave the way they do. I cannot go back into the mess, not ever.  It is a horrible waste of my time and emotion to even have to navigate it any longer, seriously. They have an agenda, I have no support, I do not want to be there. Husband goes alone and if he ever pressures me to go, we are done. He can either be a father and a husband in their presence for ONCE or he goes alone as usual. Not betting on ever going back.

He does not have those skills, it does not appear. I found peace away from the dysfunction. When you are done, you are done.

I agree with Rags, isn't it a shame, it doesn't have to be this way? 100 percent.....