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Text and phone issues with the ex

Itslife17's picture

Submitted by Itslife17 on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 11:07am

Forums: 
Co-Parenting

I am the parent in this situation but can my spouse and I demand that my ex text both of us rather than just me? We've had many issues in the past that seem to be again surfacing and boundaries are continually crossed. I've had protection orders against my ex several times. When my ex texts or calls me individually it contains inappropriate content such as subtle flirting and texting mean things about my spouse.

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 11:09am

Nope. Your ex has no obligation to do anything with your new husband, and asking him to communicate with his is highly likely to make matters worse, not better.

Itslife17's picture

Submitted by Itslife17 on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 12:41pm

That's slightly offensive but whatever lol. Maybe if you had to go through the things I've gone through with my ex then you would be more understanding. I'm sure there are plenty on this site who have been through the same issues and would like a go between.

SMforever's picture

Submitted by SMforever on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 11:20am

Could you not simply ignore the improper texts and in worst case, block them? Are there kids involved...if so just insist on email.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 11:43am

Unfortunately, you can't make your EX a decent person can you...

I doubt that asking would get you anywhere anyway.

What I suggest is the next time that he does this respond immediately to shut him down.

"I have told you that I want our communications to be limited to necessary communications about the children. period. I am not interested in reminiscing about our past, nor am I interested in your opinion about my husband. You no longer have any rights in my personal life"

You could also become snarky.. and when he tries to flirt text back.. gotta go throw up now.

When he text negatively about your new H. tell him.. I guess, but he sure can lay that pipe. I really missed that when I was with you.

Itslife17's picture

Submitted by Itslife17 on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 12:35pm

lol!!!

Itslife17's picture

Submitted by Itslife17 on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 12:36pm

Basically I'm asking if it's legal that I ignore the texts addressed to just me and only answer the texts that are group texts?

Itslife17's picture

Submitted by Itslife17 on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 12:39pm

I realize that it's sounds easy to just ignore or to be snarky and all but I have an extremely unreasonable ex who is pushing boundaries on all sorts of levels. He's threatened bodily harm numerous times since the divorce and the judges around here don't do a lot about it. My husband being the go between us is better for us because it's a safeguard for me.

Hennypenny's picture

Submitted by Hennypenny on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 2:05pm

you can also block texts, tell him emails only and create a new email address only for communication with ex that both you and DH have access to. If DH can stomach it have him check the inbox- he can share the important things and archive the rest. Once your ex realizes he doesn't have direct access to you it will probably stop.

MineAndYours's picture

Submitted by MineAndYours on Fri, 05/12/2017 - 2:15pm

Our solution to this was request that all communication go through email. Both DH and I have access and can see what's being said at all times.

It's not because we don't trust each other but to be better able to support each other when drama strikes. We both read it and we both agree on an answer...or if it should be ignored.

We work as a team dealing with the exs.

Edited to note: The exs do not know that we both read and respond to the emails as I do believe this would cause a whole host of other issues. DH and I believe in sharing everything...that includes dealing with crazy people.