Share 50/50 but BM wants $$$
I am technically "stepmom" even though we aren't married. I have no kids of my own. I have been living with my boyfriend and his daughter for almost four years now. She was 8 and now she is 12 1/2.
At first I used to come to this forum to read the horror stories and to be assured I wasn't being a wench for having a hard time accepting my step daughter.
Nowadays, we get along really well, and I really like her. She talks to me about things she can't with her real parents. I know her likes, and interests and friends, etc.
For the first year or two my boyfriend and I didn't really take her clothes shopping so the ex wife used to do that and we would reimburse her. Things have changed since then, I enjoy taking the kid out clothes shopping, or just picking things up for her while I am out by myself. We haven't given her mother money for clothes in at least two years, she knows that isn't how it works anymore. Well, this year, she has been saving up receipts for months, since August at least. She sent photos of the receipts. I am totally okay with reimbursing her for school supplies, hair cuts, and extra curricular activities. No problem at all! But she has also sent a handful of receipts for clothing. $206 at Kohls, $95 on shoes $55 at JcPenny. That is JUST CLOTHING. My parents would have never spent that much on me as a child nor would I spend that much even if she was my own. I spent roughly $150 on her myself for back to school clothes, but didn't keep receipts because I do not expect her mother to pay for my clothing choices. The kid told me how her mom will buy clothes she doesn't like, things that don't fit her, etc. She also told me how her mom will tell her things like if you bring your deodorant to both houses her dad needs to pay half, etc.
When they first got divorced and made this arrangement for 50/50 time sharing, they both had very equal incomes. Well, I know her mom now makes a lot more than her Dad. She just sounds like a bitter woman if you ask me. Anyways...
She is now saying we need to pay immediately or she wants to go to court.
Has this happened to any of you? Does she have a case or is she just being greedy? What should we do? And is it okay for her to save receipts for many months before submitting them to us? Thanks for any and all advice. I live in Florida.
How do you know those
How do you know those receipts are even for SD's clothes? Besides, you guys are buying her clothes, now, so....
If BM makes more than your SO, I doubt she wants to go to court. Call her bluff.
Their divorce decree just
Their divorce decree just states that each parent is responsible for half of the child's living expenses. It is a very short and not very thorough decree, but at the time they were getting along and they were both happy to just split the kid 50/50. It has NO mention of receipts or anything like that. When we first stopped giving her money for clothes he told her (in text) many times that he would not pay for clothing anymore..and again it has been at least two years if not more since he has. Very little money exchanges hands between them, just for school things and medical.
Their divorce decree just
Their divorce decree just states that each parent is responsible for half of the child's living expenses.
That basically says that each parent is responsible for clothes, food, etc. when kid is with said parent, 50/50.
No mention of receipts, so what's her basis to go to court? Empty threat that a lot of BM's use, thinking the man will buckle and give them what they want.
that sounds like Dad's
that sounds like Dad's responsible for Dad's house-mom for mom's house
If Mom wants to spend $$$$ on clothes for her daughter at her house-that's on her. Your boyfriend doesn't owe her a damn dime.
Tell her to kick rocks.
Thanks! that is exactly what
Thanks! that is exactly what I want to tell her, she is a very hateful bitter woman
Thank you for the support. I
Thank you for the support. I feel this way as well, but its just so difficult to deal with and since I do not know anyone in this situation I didn't have anyone to talk to.
I just did the math she spent roughly $320 on just clothes. JUST CLOTHES!
Probably for herself!
Probably for herself!
I forgot to add in a pair of
I forgot to add in a pair of shoes, she spent over $350 on clothing. $50 on a pair of fake leather boots.....smh..
Completely ignore it, then.
Completely ignore it, then. There's no way she's going to take you to court over this. Idle threat.
I think, sometimes, BMs just ask for stuff to see what they can get away with...to make their exes feel guilty or "behind" in some way...to exert control. Who knows.
The BM in my life fairly regularly asks us to reimburse her for "extra" expenses. Despite the fact that we pay CS and for a few extras already...like cell phones every month and (sometimes) car maintenance, gas, bts shopping, etc. As needs arise we decide whether or not we can cover the need (or want) on a case-by-case basis. As custodial parents have the privilege of doing all the time, incidentally. No one is telling BM what she "has" to spend on this event or that shopping trip.
We can't ever figure out what is covered by CS in BMs mind and what's extra. There doesn't seem to be any set rule. My DH used to fork over half...and, worse, he did it by adding it to the CS check. Since we've been married I've insisted that any extra "need" be paid by us directly (i.e...if we agree to pay half of a school trip, we pay it to the school. We don't add it onto the Ava's check.) Now, it's been well over a year since we've contributed to anything extra. BM still asks for something extra every other month or so...even more so now that oldest SD has aged out of CS. She's getting frustrated that we always say no and threatening court to modify the CS amount...but I know it's just what your situation is. Completely idle threat.
Oh! And my favorite thing. One of the things she throws around when asking for a "contribution" from us is that she covers all three skids on her health insurance plan. I don't know why this is her complaint. I'm like...yeah. 1.) You're a gov't employee like I used to be, and your health insurance takes VERY little out of your paycheck, and 2.) The fact that you cover the kids is CALCULATED INTO the CS payment! It's literally one of the factors they consider when determining the amount of support.
Completely ignore it, then.
Completely ignore it, then. There's no way she's going to take you to court over this. Idle threat.
I think, sometimes, BMs just ask for stuff to see what they can get away with...to make their exes feel guilty or "behind" in some way...to exert control. Who knows.
The BM in my life fairly regularly asks us to reimburse her for "extra" expenses. Despite the fact that we pay CS and for a few extras already...like cell phones every month and (sometimes) car maintenance, gas, bts shopping, etc. As needs arise we decide whether or not we can cover the need (or want) on a case-by-case basis. As custodial parents have the privilege of doing all the time, incidentally. No one is telling BM what she "has" to spend on this event or that shopping trip.
We can't ever figure out what is covered by CS in BMs mind and what's extra. There doesn't seem to be any set rule. My DH used to fork over half...and, worse, he did it by adding it to the CS check. Since we've been married I've insisted that any extra "need" be paid by us directly (i.e...if we agree to pay half of a school trip, we pay it to the school. We don't add it onto the Ava's check.) Now, it's been well over a year since we've contributed to anything extra. BM still asks for something extra every other month or so...even more so now that oldest SD has aged out of CS. She's getting frustrated that we always say no and threatening court to modify the CS amount...but I know it's just what your situation is. Completely idle threat.
Oh! And my favorite thing. One of the things she throws around when asking for a "contribution" from us is that she covers all three skids on her health insurance plan. I don't know why this is her complaint. I'm like...yeah. 1.) You're a gov't employee like I used to be, and your health insurance takes VERY little out of your paycheck, and 2.) The fact that you cover the kids is CALCULATED INTO the CS payment! It's literally one of the factors they consider when determining the amount of support.
I believe it is control
I believe it is control issues. There is nothing she can say or do that bothers my boyfriend anymore and that bothers her. She also seems to like to blame other people for her own problems and shortcomings and her favorite scapegoat is him. He is the reason she doesn't have money, he is the reason for this for that, whatever makes her feel better about her own failures in life.
She also happens to be a police officer, so that should explain some of the control issues she may have. She is very self righteous..as is most BM I feel..
I am pretty sure I piss her off just being here, I am ten years younger, thinner, prettier, and her own daughter likes me more and wants to spend time with me...it probably eats her up.
Personally, if she really was struggling for money I may feel some sympathy and pay more, but she makes good money, own her own home, and she is the one that cheated on the poor guy..repeatedly..she created this life for herself.
If you're 50/50 and she makes
If you're 50/50 and she makes more, let her take you to court. Guess who will end up paying...
Yes, if you are in a state
Yes, if you are in a state that tries to "equalize" household income, and you make more then she could go back to court and get CS. We have 50/50 - I wish it were like that in our state! We could be getting CS. SS is about to eat us into the poorhouse.