Hi. I'm struggling with an issue I'm having with my step daughter who's 13. my DHS ex blocked him over a year ago and refuses to unblock him. Once in a while she will call from the kids phones or her husbands phone. Rarely any communication at all with those two and I feel that's why their kids have so many issues. But I'm done all this being my issue! There was a time(I've been in the picture for 8 years) where I was very involved, the girls, the kids mom and I were close. I went to sports, picked them up, always made plans, ect. It was quite nice for a while! I love these girls but things have changed drastically in the last year. I know many stepmoms dont feel this way but I really enjoyed them and looked forward to them visiting. My dh (dear husband) and his girls have had some great times the last 7 1/2 years! I use to be very involved but have backed off a lot focusing on myself and marriage.

13 year old has an 11 year old sister who visits regularly again (every other weekend). Up until 2 months ago I've asked for the 13 year old to stop coming for a while until she gets help and starts her new meds. I was told she started meds last week when she had her 1st phyciatrist visit.
The 11 year old just came back from skipping 5 months. She would refuse to shower or change clothes and argue alot and then decided to just skip for a while and ignore her dad. Fortunately, shes fine now and very happy and respectful at our house. She was very apologetic to ignoring her dad but we have never really discussed why it took so long for her to come back. I try to stay out of it and make other plans so my dh (dear husband) can have alone time with her. Shes been student of the month 2 months in a row!

Since she was 6 , 11 year old has had a lot of anger problems on and off and has been on meds and therapy herself but has been good lately at our house. 

13 year old has had behavioral issues for the last year or so. Her mom said shes wondered what 13 yr o has since she was 7 but for us it's only been acting up at our house within the last year. Her mom thinks she may have type of autism but just started seeing an actual phyciatrist. I love her very much but I think shes highly influenced by her mom who I know doesnt care for me much anymore. She has moved alot with her mom
Now on the 7th school in 7 years. She is severely bullied. She was diagnosed with ADHD, and just got approved for a special education program and we are still waiting for what else she has mentally.

She lies flips out screams nonstop, disrespectful and lies and lies. If my husband trys to discipline her or take her phone she wrestles it away and wont give it up, and then she will call her brother or a friend to pick her up from our house. This girl is 5 foot 5 and 110 lbs. Shes not a little girl. Shes jumped out of her window before to have someone come get her. Her mom says it's fine as long as they take her back home to her house which she has even if it's on my husbands time. My husband feels hes lost all control and theres zero co parenting. Hes talked to lawyers and it's not only the thousands but they have said with their age, they are able to choose if they want to stay or go on visitation.

I know all siblings fight but since she knows she can just leave with no consequences she is terrible to her sister. Non stop screaming at her all weekend. I've had enough and it's been so peaceful since it's only the 11 year old visiting the last 2 months. I personally feel once 13 year old gets better in time (which I truly pray for) they should come seperately. They are much different when alone and since theres no co parenting and know they can just leave or skip for months they have an "I dont care" attitude.

13 year old told her school counselor we locked her out of the house &recently told her new therapist my husband does drugs. She called her dad crying and apologizing for the lies. It's so confusing. They wanted to call CPS and my husband cleared it up before they did.

I'm currently 2 months pregnant and I'm done dealing with the screaming and disrespect in my house. Her sister is well behaved and is respectful and that's all I ask. We dont have to be super cuddly close like we use to be. 11 year old has even told me her mom said to "not get too close". Which ok fine as long as she is respectful and my husband gets to see his kid I'm not going to fight over how close we are/use to be.

Her mother thinks the world of her 13 year old. She makes many excuses for her. Both my brothers have ADHD since very young and being plain disrespectful at all times is not an excuse. She has been suspended twice in the last month for fighting a BOY and smoking in the bathroom. We got her report card recently and several teachers have mentioned lack of respect in classroom.Her mom keeps making excuses for her like "well she didnt inhale!"
I understand she has issues and shes also a child whom her doctor has said shes mentally behind but I feel since theres no co parenting that it will always be chaos with her in our home. My husband has tried to reach out many times through the kids and BM refuses to talk. She really hates him. It's sad how angry she is. They broke up 10 years ago!

I'm just over it and need space and no stress. This is my first baby and cant handle all this trouble. Her mom says what happens at our house is our issue ..meaning she can come over be nasty and argue w her sister ignore her dads requests and then go home to fun and games. No. Dont come over. I encourage my husband to go get her seperately and take her out. She has tried to call me the last few days and I dont want to talk. She denies everything and likes to argue! I'm over it.
I think once she matures a little and has more therapy sessions/give it more time for meds to work I'd be willing to talk. I hope in time she will be able to think for herself. I told her mom she needs to call her dad and reconsile and for the love of god stop getting me involved! I'm done being the middle communicator I really am. Her dad is very hurt. I just dont want her at my house for a long time. Now that shes lied to her school counselor and now her new therapist that we locked her out of the house in the cold and the newest lie is that my husband does drugs, what's next? Or what else is there that we dont know shes told them? I dont even want to give her the oppostunity to come to my house and find more things to gab and lie about to anyone. Trust is gone. I 100%believe mom encourages these lies or why wouldnt she be in trouble at home???

Her mother thinks I'm over reacting about cps almost being called-what?! She says " Cps wasnt called and shes just a kid who makes mistakes blah blah blah...her daughter wants to talk to me and apologize....but heres the thing...she already did apologize...a really nice long beautiful apology, then 3 days later tells her school counselor that we locked her out of the house!
I heard her on the phone with her stepdad the last time I seen her saying "if I apologize can I get picked up and come home ". So no I dont want another fake apology. I feel this kid needs a lot more help. I cant have her coming to my house running stuff anymore. My husband agrees and wants a peaceful environment especially with a newborn coming.

Is it so wrong to just not let this kid over for a while? I encourage my husband to go see her, call her,be involved with doctors school ect but just dont bring her back to the house! Is something so wrong with that?