Living apart
My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. A few months before we got together, he got a girl pregnant who he had a fling with. She was pregnant when we started dating, so there were obviously some bumps along the road. It wasn't an ideal situation to be in, and we tried to stay away from each other for as long as we could, but it was useless. Something drew us to each other. We are planning to move in together in the fall, and will probably sign a year lease. The baby is now 5 months old. He was there through everything, including every single appointment, the birth, and everything after that. He has been an amazing father despite the circumstances, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
My issue: I've wanted to go back to school for so long, and before we started dating, I applied. I got accepted, but I was wait listed, meaning I could transfer my acceptance to the next year and be in 100%. The only problem with this, is the school is 7 hours away. We went through a brief rough patch where I seriously contemplated breaking it off and moving away, but since then, we have mended our issues, are are stronger than ever. He tells me he wants to be with me forever, and that he would do anything for me. But unfortunately, I can't see one of those things being moving 7 hours away from his child for me. I would never ask him to do so, unless I knew there was a way we could make it work with visitations. Being that the baby is under a year, I don't see how this is possible. I'm nervous about bringing it up to him, because I don't want to burden him with the thought that he might be holding back, because I would love nothing more than for us to go together, and make it work some how with the baby. My time frame is next January (2016), so it would give us lots of time to try and come up with a plan. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas of how this situation could be a win win for everyone involved. Thanks in advance.
Do not put your education on
Do not put your education on hold for a man. If he is the one then you can continue a long distance relationship and he can have his focus on building some relationship with this baby. That gives you the best of both worlds, you can continue your education and you get to continue a relationship with him but at a distance so your not in the middle of a potentially nasty situation
I do not believe in long
I do not believe in long distance relationships, unfortunately. I won't go into detail, but I have my reasons. The program is 3 years long as well. I do have a vehicle, so travelling back and forth is possible, but expensive.
Im 24 and I never believe in
Im 24 and I never believe in long distance relationships either anonymouslover, yet one day I met my partner and we started off as just that, in a long distance relationship.
Point is, if its meant to be then you can and will make it work, you know its 3 years so you make a plan for those 3 years. Long distance just gives people an easy excuse to quit trying but if the relationship is meant to be then both you and your partner fight for it and you make it work regardless of distance.
The relationship between a
The relationship between a parent and child is VERY different than that of partners. And distance doesn't do the same to a parent/child relationship that it does to partners. Trust me I don't want to take him away from his child. I don't want him to miss his first words, first steps, etc. Hell, I don't even want to miss those things. This child has been a part of my life for the last 5 month's as well. I'm just hoping that maybe there's some sliver of hope that I haven't yet thought of.
My parents divorced when I
My parents divorced when I was 2 and I was only at my Father's every other weekend, and he still had a large impact on my life, and we had a great relationship. Even as a child. Every other weekend, plus a month during the summer once I was in school. I also disagree that weekend parenting is "hardly" parenting. Some times things just work out that way. At this point we only see the baby twice a week, so that's not much as it is (we are both living in our own one bedroom apartments). Once we move in together, the hope is to get him more obviously, but they are still in the court process for a permanent custody resolution. As for a closer school, there is none that offer the program I want to take. It's the only once in the province. I guess a long distance relationship between the 2 of us is the only way that might work, but even if I were to accept that as an option, I'm not sure he would. And that has nothing to do with a lack of love for each other.
But it isn't your place to
But it isn't your place to dictate what his relationship is with his child.
Make your decision whether or not you want to go to school or not and then tell him. Make the decision based on what is best for YOU. No one is any good in a relationship when they start letting go of who they are.
If you decide to go- then tell him and figure out together what this means for your relationship. Maybe it means you give the ld thing a try. Maybe you break it off until school is over and then see if you are both single and still interested. Maybe it means he decides he wants to move with you. Maybe it means you will break up and this is the end.
But don't ask him to choose between you and his child and THEN make your decision.
In the scheme of things, 7 hours isn't so far... In the scheme of things, 3 years isn't so long.
If the two of you really are a good match, you will still be a good match 3 years from now.