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BM issue

Lalalala's picture

Submitted by Lalalala on Fri, 01/07/2022 - 11:40am

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Co-Parenting

Am I crazy for being upset with this situation?

So, yesterday was the day for SD to come over. (We typically keep her until Monday, sometimes Tuesday day) Now, 2 hours prior to BM dropping off SD, she texts saying that her mom & step dad have Covid, SD is sick (not Covid) and that she will be out of town until Wednesday, and her dad can't watch SD because he will be working. My issue with this first of all, is that we both work on Tuesday and cannot send SD to a sitter because she is sick as a dog (Dads mom typically will watch her, BUT, cannot when she is sick because her husband has no immune system due to undergoing treatment for cancer, BM knows this). Second issue, is that it was sprung on us with no warning, would be different if she had let us know a day or two in advance. 3rd issue is that then later in the day I find out that it's because she's taking a vacay to florida, and everyone else knew like a week ago besides us. 
So now, one of us will have to miss work so BM can have a drink on the beach?? Wtf?? 
also, SD is sick as a dog. Doesn't even have a voice I feel so bad for her. 
also as a mom, shouldn't your first concern be your child?? 
I think it's just all bs, and I don't think we should be the ones responsible to find a sitter or miss work, on her time. 
There's been many occasions where we would have liked to go out but had to miss it or find our own sitters because BM wanted to go out and drink. (Which is fine, just referencing that she has never helped us out in these circumstances.)

Am I over reacting? What would you guys do? 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 01/07/2022 - 12:42pm

Yes she is annoying but I feel like this is one of those things with parenthood, you always have to be available- scheduled or not. 

Do I think BM should not be worried about vacation if her normal childcare isn't working out? Of course. But is there anything you can do about it? Not really...

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 01/07/2022 - 9:52pm

Every time BM denies his COd visitation.

The issue is the denial of visitation by BM. If court, focus on BM's denying visitation.  If she starts spouting bullshit, just tell her to prove it.  She likely has no records she can use to prove anything.

Lalalala's picture

Submitted by Lalalala on Sat, 01/08/2022 - 1:30am

I'm confused by your comment. She's not denying any visits. She just expects us to be able to take SD for a week with a 2 hour notice. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 01/08/2022 - 2:38am

What would I have done? As she gave you 2 hours notice, I'd have told her that I was sorry but I'm not free to be her sitter today and that she should make other arrangements.

Lalalala's picture

Submitted by Lalalala on Sat, 01/08/2022 - 11:30am

I wish! Ugh. I know things come up and things happen, and having SD here is obviously not the issue at all, it's just the fact that BM knew about these plans and her parents were sick well in advance and chose not to tell us until 2 hours prior. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 01/08/2022 - 1:26pm

It still isn't your problem. I am sure she'd have found a solution. Don't forget that you are her first solution. I guarantee you that she wouldn't have cancelled her vacation. And if she HAD... It would not be your fault. 

Lalalala's picture

Submitted by Lalalala on Sat, 01/08/2022 - 11:26am

Thank you all for the input! Yes it is just frustrating, especially when it was things she knew about well in advance and just chose to not tell us until two hours prior, knowing our support network is very limited as well. I talked to my fiancé about it, and told him he needed to talk to her. Obviously I don't want him to start a huge argument, but I told him to let her know that it's not appreciated springing things like this on us at the last second, when we have jobs and such as well, and to communicate better in the future.