Absolutely had enough of BM
My 6 year old SS came home today after 5 nights with his BM, her boyfriend and new baby.. this was the first time in about 2-3 months that he has spent more then the odd weekend with them and I’m furious.
He was filthy, exhausted, rude and very cheeky. He had a carton of fries in his school bag (HOT CHIPS) that he said he had for breakfast on the way to school and a ton of junk food in his lunchbox nothing healthy at all.
Him and I went and got his haircut the weekend before into a really cool style that he was so proud of and the first thing he said to me was “me and mum and James (the boyfriend) think my haircut sucks, the hair dresser did such a bad job” he also normally eats a ton of fruit and veg and really enjoys it but tonight he said to me “I don’t eat any fruit at mums, I hate fruit now, don’t give me any”
Why does this gorgeous, kind hearted, sweet boy leave our house so happy and come home such a mess! I wanted to cry I don’t even recognise this child he’s horrible?! What has happened, why is he always like this anytime he spends more then 2 nights with her?
help or advice please!! We have tried talking to her about it, she thinks there is no problems.. I feel like I’m at my wits end with her!
BM sounds like a real peach.
BM sounds like a real peach.
What a horrible thing to say to - or at least in front of, a six year old child regarding their hair.
If your significant other is onboard with it, I’d just start tactfully combating these statements with stuff like, “Oh, that’s unfortunate. We like to eat healthy here. Fruit and veggies aren’t yucky, but it’s okay to not like a certain one - like pears, or.... I appreciate you being an adventurous and good eater, though!”
This happens to my bio
This happens to my bio daughter who is also 6 when she comes back from her dad's. She's dirty and stinks of animal piss and cigarette smoke and apparently only eats fast food. Her attitude is terrible for about 2 days. If she is sick, she comes home sicker when she was almost better before she went.
Now so you know, some of the behavior issues are normal when small kids have been away from home. Just about every mom I know has complained about that. But sometimes, especially when they go to a Disney dad's/mom's for visitation, they are never told no and have funfunfun and yummy junk food for days. So it's a struggle to shake all that off and get back to normal. My daughter's visitations were recently reduced, and she's happier AND better behaved. And as a plus, her dad gets to go out partying more often, too!
SOP in the case of my SKid
SOP in the case of my SKid regarding toxic SpermClan visitation.
We lived under a long distance Custody/Visitation/ Support order. My wife was the CP and the SpermClan had ~7wks of visitation per year (5wks summer, ~1wk winter, ~1wk spring).
SS would start his pre visitation behavioral degradation about 5-7 days before leaving for SpermLand. Upon his return home we had 6-10 days of post visitation behavioral detox.
I know that this is upsetting. We found that the quickest way through the behavioral issues pre and post visitation was zero tolerance and firm enforcement of the behavioral standards in your home. He eats what is prepared. PERIOD! Snarky comments about haircuts that he loved prior to toxic parent visitation are confronted with a history lesson reviewing that he loved it before visitation and informing him that if he now hates it that he will be taken for a crew cut. His choice. Love it or lose it.
As I said it is heartbreaking. It used to tear us up when our tow headed well groomed clean little 80% potty trained fully conversational toddler then little boy would come back from visitation with his toothless moron SpermClan with BO that would gag a maggot, black sludge under his arms, behind his knees, around his waist and around his neck, a loaded diaper that had’nt’t been changed in days, puss filled welts covering his butt, diaper rash so bad and raw he would howl and his anus would bleed when we would clean him up, half inch long finger and toe nails, and grunting, pointing and crying for what he wanted rather than asking.
We just reminded him of how it worked at home and immediately enforced our behavioral standards. And held him, loved on him and gave him a ton of hugs during the adjustment periods.
We also would bare toxic SpermClan ass in court over their neglect of my SKid.
Hang in there.