Would you date a broke single mother?
Forums:
I'm my experience, single mothers tend not to have the greatest finances. I'm not judging but I wonder if this "accept the whole package" thing is truly a code that means, pay for my kids too. That's the reason I worry about dating single mothers. A trip for two, which should be split, turns into paying for a trip for five.
That shit gets old and then it sucks when youve invested in kids who aren't yours only for the relationship to end.
Lol true that. Most of the
Lol true that. Most of the time, the father(s) aren't paying child support either. I don't mind kids. I just want to be in a situation that's healthy for all.
What you project, you
What you project, you receive.
Perhaps all these money-hungry single moms are attracted to your ability to pay like you're attracted to these nurturing and caregiving single-moms to take care of your infantile emotional desires.
I'm not generalizing but you gotta admit, I do have a point.
THIS I was a single mom. I
THIS
I was a single mom. I earned more than my son's dad. Now I earn more than DF. I'm not wired to depend on a man to support me. I can't wrap my mind around asking for money or explaining how/why I spent someone else's money. As long as I work and take my household bills, no one is allowed to question what I do with the money I earn.
If you take time to read the blogs here, you will find that many SMs earn more than their SOs. I don't care how wonderful a man may be. If he isn't able to support himself and his kids, then I'm not interested.
There is just something sexy about an independent, financially stable man. A man who NEEDs a woman(mommy, wife girlfriend) to support him and/or make ends meet is a complete turn off.
Sorry but I think men and women should have their shit together before they start dating. Many are happy to go out and hunt for victims to "help" them instead of taking the necessary steps to increase their earning power.
I'm right there with you. I
I'm right there with you. I was a single mom for five years, with no help from my kids' father whatsoever.
I make good money and supported myself - still do - and I have a very hard time taking money from my DH for ANYTHING. I still insist on paying my own way, and paying for my kids. It makes me very uncomfortable to let anyone else handle these responsibilities, and it drives DH crazy!
I'm just not wired (and wasn't raised to) depend on a man to keep me up. I can do that just fine by myself, thankyouverymuch.
When we first started dating
When we first started dating my dwellers worked but didn't make much. Now she got a promotion, makes more than me and helps me afford stuff whIle I'm finishing grad school. Me home helping with kids gave her the chance to focus on job. But my wife is super driven, motivated and smart.
And Ur right no financial help from baby daddy.....
Never date a woman with
Never date a woman with children unless you are sterile and feel some unexplained need to be rejected by children. (You're not my Dad and can't tell me what to do).
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
As a single mom I did
As a single mom I did everything I could to scrape by, I was still trying to establish child support so I was completely on my own with twins full time. My finances weren't really a mess per se, but there wasn't a lot left for extras or for me. I shopped at aldi, re-sale shops for the kids clothes etc. So, if a guy did want to take me out to dinner then yeah, he had to pay, it wasn't in my budget. I never took advantage of anyone, but was very clear that he was welcome to come over for dinner but I couldn't afford the extra money to go out. Eventually, when CS caught up to my ex it did get better because I was now getting equal support from the other parent so healthcare/daycare/clothing etc. was coming from both of us and left me extra, but by that point I was so used to living on the minimum I pretty much used the extra money to actually do fun things with my kids.
<3 This!!! Good for you!
<3 This!!! Good for you!
That's awesome!
That's awesome!
Well, if she's broke, she
Well, if she's broke, she should be concentrating on making a better life for herself and her kids, not dating. If her life is a struggle, she can't make her rent and whatnot, and she's still putting herself out there to date guys, my guess is she's looking for a wallet.
YEP! SO TRUE!
YEP! SO TRUE!
"If you believe who you align
"If you believe who you align your life with is only about money, that's pretty damned sad and more than a little shallow and pathetic."
I agree with this. My DH could also give yours a run for his money in the good DH department
and same thing, when we met my shit was together and he didn't so much as take a piece of silverware from BMs for the same reasons.
I would say, though, money shouldn't be the only consideration, but it is definitely not something to ignore completely, a lot of red flags can be raised by observing how someone is with money.
I take offense to this
I take offense to this generalization....I was a single widowed mom with a young kid. I didn't need a man's money. I was doing it fine on my own. Just because a woman is alone with a kid, doesn't mean she is broke.
On that note, my mother always said it was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. And since, I married for love the first time.....She rarely finished the sentence.
My 2nd time around, I did pretty good in both categories and so did my husband, since we are pretty evenly matched all the way around.
I hope I wasn't the one who
I hope I wasn't the one who offended you , J! He asked about single, BROKE moms. That's what I was answering to.
No I wouldn't. That's my
No I wouldn't. That's my choice. Glad you have your own opinion on the matter. Enjoy your life avoiding dating them. I really don't see the point of this post other than to rile a few feathers among the (former or current) single mothers here.
I feel compelled to say
I feel compelled to say something here. I was a single mom for more than a decade. I made a higher salary than half of the men I dated and I NEVER allowed any of them to cover my daughter's expenses in any way. If we went to the circus or the movies, I paid for my daughter.
Don't overlook a single mother just because many single moms are leeches. Maybe you should only date single mothers who have the finances to hold their own.
What about single dads with
What about single dads with kids!???
I was a single mom, doing perfectly well in every way bringing my daughter up on my own with minimal help from her dad.
OH came along, swept me off my feet, moved in with and plunged me into the depths of debt thanks to him and his kids cos he couldnt afford to support them!!!
Broke Single Moms!? It can work both ways OP!
They say single moms should
They say single moms should date single dads. I agree with this so single parents realize truly what its like being with someone who has a kid that is not theirs. However if you put the two divorcees with kids together the reality is you get twice the debt, twice the work, twice the drama, twice the expenses, twice the exhaustion, and twice the baggage. And in the end you will both end up broke broke BROKE!!!!!
Most of the time if the
Most of the time if the fathers are paying child support it isn't enough to do much anyways. Men will hire great lawyers so they can pay the minimal amount possible then act like they're a great dad because they make their payments each month and see their kids a few hours a week. Sorry but a couple hundred and month per kid ain't going to do squat. The reality is that it takes much more than that when you add up groceries, clothing, insurance, medical bills, activities, entertainment, school costs, eating out anywhere, keeping the lights on in a house much bigger than one you would need if it were just you and many many other costs. Yes most divorced or single moms are broke. The only exception are widows because they possibly received a settlement but even then many of them still struggle, just not as bad as divorcees and single moms do. And yes footing the bill for someone else's kids gets old no matter if you like the kids, they aren't yours and you are reminded of that daily on too many ways to count.
Lol. Not only did I date a
Lol.
Not only did I date a single mom, I married one. Nearly 24 years later my broke single teen mom college student former girlfriend is a graduate degreed CPA and I am proud to have been her husband for nearly 24 years and counting.
Character is the key. Not the fact that a person that you may date is a single mom..... or not. My XW was not a single mom and she turned out to be an adulterous whore. She certainly ended up being a single mom but I fortunately dodged a bullet by not
spawning with that cavern crotched whore. The last guy she cheated on me with wasn't that fortunate as he is the one who made her a single mom... three times. Twice when she spawned his sons out of wedlock. He eventually married her. He made her a single mom again when he divorced her when she cheated on him.
She spawned her third OOWL child with the guy she cheated on her second husband/baby daddy with. Eventually that guy married her too. As far as I know he doesn't have the balls or intellect to dump her cheating butt like I did and eventually her second husband did.
Being a single mom or not has not been the key characteristic of a viable life partner in my experience. Character is the key IMHO. Having been a single mom is part of what makes my incredible bride the amazing woman that she is.
I am truly blessed to have this amazing woman as my bride and am equally blessed and honored that she chose me to be her kid's dad.
Dating a single mom is a
Dating a single mom is a catch 22. If they are a good mom and put their kids first then they are a lousy partner because they are never there when you need them or want to spend time quality together or do things with you. However if they are a good partner to you and put your first all the time chances are they are a lousy parent that abandons their kids for a man at a moments notice. My advice is date someone without kids. Save yourself the headache and heartbreak.
Root cause?
She's broke? That sounds awesome. Mine is in debt up to her eyeballs and I've watched her pay off significant debt - only to roll right back into the ditch.
I'd ask you... is she BROKE, as in DOESN'T MAKE MUCH MONEY? Or is she a DISNEYLAND MOM who SPOILS HER KIDS BEYOND HER MEANS? Because there's a huge difference. Doesn't make much money, but doesn't spend on credit is someone with some self-discipline; makes good money, but CAN'T SAY NO when they want to go to a professional sporting event (hundreds of dollars each time, does this several times a year) or on a cool vacation she didn't save up for, so she throws thousands of dollars on a credit card is a different story altogether.
And, no, this is clearly not lumping all single moms in together because I'm talking about single moms who are struggling financially - and looking at the reasons they'd be struggling.