Hi All,

I've written here before. I think my last post was this one: http://www.steptalk.org/node/212330. From that last topic of mine it links to previous posts.

Things actually changed for the better with everyone and everything. Seven months ago I felt like I was at my wits end. We had conversations and worked on things, all of us, and we’ve finally blended pretty well. Truth be told, the entire process took nearly two years. My sons get along with the step-children now and vice-versa. We have our bumps in the road on rare occasion but it’s really working now! I think one of the biggest obstacles for me is overcoming my fear to speak plainly on things that bothered me. I used to bottle things up without addressing things that bothered me for fear of rejection. I brought a lot of things from my last marriage into my current relationship with my fiancé and that was a hindrance to improving things. Communication was not a strong suit of mine in my first marriage. That’s not to say that the issues I complained about weren’t valid because they were. I had legitimate gripes. She listened to them, accepted them, and made a change. I finally feel like I have the partner I always knew she could be. I have loved her very much for a very long time but it’s also a relief to have a partner that I can really trust and depend on.

I know some of you may think, “Just wait till her girls are teenagers” and maybe you are right. I’d like to think we’ve finally established a foundation in the house when it comes to expectations for the kids and expectations for communicating issues to each other. I hope I never have to eat my own words.

When I think back over the past two years I think to myself, “Damn, two years…” Blending a family is a big f***ing deal. It takes more work and commitment than I would have envisioned. I almost gave up. Heck, when looking at my last post I ended up having a breakup conversation but that conversation turned into something else where we addressed our issues. I’m glad I didn’t. I hope that my post can encourage some of you who are on the brink to know that things can change. I also hope that, if anyone going through a divorce because of step-kids, you do not think I’m suggesting you somehow failed. I can’t stress enough what a big deal and task it is to blend a family.