Hi! I have a 3 year old step son that we are having a really hard time with and I'm looking for some opinions/advice. Some background.. My husband and I have 5 children together, 2 each from previous marriages and one together. Ages from 5 months to 10 years. In general, all the kids get along great. The girls are BFFs who adore the new baby, and the boys are close.. but of course boys The problem though is the 3 year old temper tantrums that are effecting the whole family. Now I know tantrums are normal.. but I'm talking 45 minutes fits, anywhere from 1 - 5 times a day. It's exhausting for all of us, and often times we're not able to finish family activities because the 3 year old has to be removed from the group because he won't stop screaming. And when I say screaming.. I mean top of the lungs, head thrown back, possibly flopping around on the floor, and it could be over just about anything. You tell him to eat, he screams. You tell him to brush his teeth he screams. Bed time.. 45 minute fit that keeps the other kids up, and usually wakes up the baby. I've even watched him chase his father around the house clinging and pulling on his pants because he wants.. whatever it is he wants at the moment. My husband and I have been living together for about a year and a half now, and this has been going on the entire time. We've tried different methods.. primarily time outs, followed by a "talk" about why he had the time out. We've also tried rewarding good behavior, ignoring the fits, and distraction (depending on the reason for the fit). At this point, I am at wits end. I love my husband, and I love the kids.. but I am exhausted (especially now with the infant). Not only am I exhausted, I'm really having a hard time standing by and seeing how the 3 year old's behavior effects the rest of the kids (and my husband and I). My 5 year old son has started acting out, my 10 year daughter gets stressed listening to the screaming and ends up staying in her bedroom. Both of these changes are a complete contrast to how our home was before we blended. Now.. months and months into this.. my step daughter, who is 8, came to me recently expressing some concern with what the biological mom is doing at her house to punish the 3 year old. My step daughter said she doesn't like it and it upsets her (to which I had no idea how to respond). But apparently the mom is pinching her son on the thigh or spanking him with a wooden spoon as punishment when he throws the fits. Of course, neither of those things are working as he continues to throw fits at her house too.. but that aside, they are a completely different approaches than what we're doing. Bottom line, I feel bad for my step son, who is clearly getting different parenting styles, which I imagine is confusing.. and I feel bad for my step daughter.. who I don't know how to help feel better about what's going on at her mom's house. However.. I need to focus on my home.. and getting things in line there. I haven't said much about my husband.. but the short of it is he's just as frustrated. He's the one primarily disciplining his son when he's with us and it takes a toll on him. Throw in the fact that the only time he and I get together is when all of the kids are home (and the 3 year old is screaming all day).. our marriage is starting to suffer. My husband recently reached out to his ex-wife, asking if she could try some other methods instead of the pinching and wooden spoon (or least try to come up with something they both agree on).. to which her response was "You do what you feel is best, and I'll do what I feel is best". Needless to say.. I feel hopeless. Soo.... let me have it.. thoughts? ideas? suggestions? I'll even take some criticism if it sounds as though we need to fix something within parenting somewhere..