Summer is coming fast.....again.....help!!!!
So, last year was the first time I spent "getting to know" my soon to be step daughter. There were some issues....god!!!....the first summer she was here with me here. She is turning 13 in June and her mom and my boyfriend divorced in 2006. He has been single since then and gets her every summer because she lives 700 miles away. Anyway, she has basically gotten her way all those years she spent here alone in the summer with her dad. I understand the "guilt" thing.....I also see that he is almost paralyzed with fear that she won't want to come back during the summers (she has her own friends and life built 700 miles away!!). I hate that he has to feel this way and couldn't imagine if our places were reversed and I could only see my son (three years old) for that amount of time each year. (Actually, he gets to see her for most school breaks and the holidays.....so barely a month goes by that he doesn't see her). Anyway....still couldn't imagine it. So....I am inclined to be sympathetic...but I don't get why she HAS to sleep in the bed with him and get her way with EVERYTHING!! She is way too old to be sleeping with daddy.....and I feel like "less than a woman" when she is here because she runs the show and she is considered" perfect" by her dad. Sure, she is a good kid....but has a tendency to be manipulative with my bf....and when my three year old is expected to be PERFECT , this bothers me. I love this man....and I certainly hate that he doesn't get to see his daughter that much.....but I have trouble dealing with his daughter for two months.....and just need some advice or encouragement!!
Hell-o-kitty!!!Do you think
Hell-o-kitty!!!Do you think this is normal and acceptable that a 13 year old teen gets away in sleeping in her dads bed???And why does she even want that?? This looks like major issues and the combination of guilty daddddy and spoiled mini-wife can't work in your favour unless you are stepping up and stop feeling compassionate for your SO.He needs a strong woman who tells him that what he does is beyond wrong and not good for his kid and catastrophic for your relationship since she is playing the role of his wife rather than a child.wrong, wrong, wrong.You feel less like a woman when SD is there since you are treated second choice as she demands to come first and that doesn't leave any emotional space or any respect of you as the role of your SOs partner.
Sadly this is not unusual and not really the kids fault since she was allowed to be a spoiled princess with all kind of unreasonable rights for too long.
I hope that you manage to get through to your SO and that he changes his attitude (as some of them do that indeed).Otherwise I cant see that you can be a happy person in this rs
At 13 she should not be in
At 13 she should not be in bed with her father.
I don't think he ever saw it
I don't think he ever saw it as a "perverted" thing. She started coming to spend summers with him when she was sooo much younger. She was petrified to sleep alone....being away from hermom for two months that first summer.....so, she slept with him and it just started a habit. At first, last summer, it disgusted me so much, I slept on the couch. Then I thought, screw this....and I slept between them. She didn't like that so much and begged to sleep in the middle, but at least he flatly refused that. He also noticed that it wasn't good for us.....(duh....we had to make love in the bathroom with doors locked for God's sake....). He has said many times that it won't happen again.I honestly think last summer was a cultural shock for him too....he had spent the last six summers catering to her every whim.....I was his first REAL relationship after six years other than a "date" here and there.....so when she got here and expected everything to be the same....he was in over his head. It doesn't help that she knows how to terrify her already petrified father....by saying she doesn't want to be here whenever she doesn't get her way with everything. I guess it's easy to see it as "perverted" when I am outside the situation.... but I havea three year old son and could NEVER have a perverted feeling toward him.....I think its the same with them. Honestly, I looked for it so hard at first....I think I would have noticed if any of it felt "off" or weird. Sure....it wasn't normal....but I can clearly see how it came about that way. Sometimes its hard for fathers to see their little girls aren't so little anymore. Also...she is bringing a friend with her this summer....so THEY can sleep together and leave our bed alone. I know that there has to be bounderies....I just have to figure out how to talk to HIM about it without it seeming like I am attacking his daughter..
OH MY GOD GIRL ARE YOU LIVING
OH MY GOD GIRL ARE YOU LIVING MY LIFE!!!!????? MY SD IS THE SAME WAY ALMOST THE SAME SITUATION TOO. WEVE BEEN TOEGTHER FOR 5 YRS AND SHES 11 NOW. I HAVE AN 8YR OLD SON AND MY BF YELLS AT HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING, HIS DAUGHTER IS PERFECT AND I CANT STAND. WE FOUGHT FOR YRS ABOUT THESE KIDS AND IVE COME TO MY BREAKING POINT THIS YR. HE FINALLY CAUGHT ON TO HIS DAUGHTER MANIPULATION AND SPOILED WAYS. I WAS ON MY WAY OUT THE DOOR. THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU! THE HARDEST PART FOR ME WAS TRYING TO MAKE US A FAMILY WHEN SHE DIDNT WANT TO BE PART OF IT, WHEN SHE WOULD COME OVER SHE JUST WANTS HER DAD TO HERSELF. SO I TRY TO LEAVE WITH MY SON FOR THE DAY AND MY BF GETS MAD AND HE FINALLY REALIZED NOBODY WANTS TO BE AROUND HER!!! HE'S CHANGED ! THERE IS HOPE!
OMG are you ME?????????? My
OMG are you ME?????????? My SD17 use to sleep with her "daddy" too. Last summer was our first summer together as well. It was a NIGHTMARE. THERE is NO reason this girl needs to be SLEEPING with her DAD! Just like my SD it just isn't right. It needs to stop. Last summer was a night mare for me. I went from spending every night with So to him going back to his mothers when the kids came and I wasn't "allowed" to have a sleep over. Because well SD would FLIP out. And when he finally said yes you can come stay the night with us SD came in our room non stop all through out the night. I was so ANNOYED and so PIST OFF I just never went back over for a sleep over. I told him at 16 she DID not need to be sleeping in his room with him NOR do his other 2 kids. They were all sleeping in there with him. Taking turns on the bed. One night is SS10 night one night is SS13 nights and one night hers. And she would flip out every time it wasn't her time.
Last summer was so bad for me and my kids. THere was no compromise. My wedding was cancelled. I barely saw SO but maybe a few times on the weekend and that was just a few hours AND really I never saw him because she was constantly on top of his every move. Screaming for him every chance he wasn't in her sight. This year they will be here in a few weeks. He isn't going back to his moms. And the last time SD came to visit there was a full on fight and she hasn't been back to OUR house. She refused to talk to SO for months. Now here we are almost summer and the little bitch is hell bent on coming. No apologies for what she did the last time she was here. It's just already calling non stop demanding this and demanding that. My SO kids live 400 miles away. He doesn't get to see them much because BM has played the I "can't" afford to meet you half way card A LOT..... even though there is a court order regarding what HAS to be followed.
I would suggest talking to him. It is not healthy anymore for her to sleep in daddy's bed. She is 13. It is time for her to make her room her life. It is time for him to step and tell her this is NOT a family bed anymore. You have to start sleeping in your own bed.
My SO catered to my SD every whim as well. And I do mean EVERY. She call he would go running. She had him running 24-7. Call his work non stop. And of course he never said no. So this summer for me will be an interesting one. I for one think SD17 relies on him for every single thing. She has no friends. She has no social life. It's all daddy do this daddy do that. Well this summer we will have 4 kids in our house AND me. It will NOT be all about her. And this is what needs to happen in your home.
I am so glad I am not alone in the daughter wanting to sleep with daddy situations. I am disgusted by it personally. I think mostly because SD17 would tell my daughter how she thinks her dad has a nice ass etc. It disgusts me for two reasons. One he is NOT her biological father. BUT he has raised her since she was 1 and also her brother since birth. Which she knows. All her running around in bra's etc and her demanding that we don't kiss or hold hands or touch or anything AND her issues when she was demanding to sleep with him. It all just grossed me out. I know I shouldn't think like that BUT when you are made to feel like the "other" woman it is hard not to start looking at some things on a level of this is disgusting, and this girl has issues. I feel for you and your situation. I hope that it gets better and boundries are set.
butterfly, this would be
butterfly, this would be unacceptable for me.I would wish those two a good life together and disappear for good.I am sorry, but your SO is a complete idiot that he lets her get away with this behaviour and even gives in if she doesn't want you two to kiss or hug.I think that when you think that this summer is gonna be different you may end up having a brutal wake up call, since this brat will not let you at all be your SOs partner, since she believes that she is it.
Oh my.. Sd is like that...
Oh my.. Sd is like that... except we get her eowe, shes almost 13 and still sleeps with daddy in bed whether I m there or not, shes like a mini wife and even if she does wrong, daddy defends her all the way! She acts more like a girlfriend than daughter, totally creepy, would caress his face flirtatiously, tries to sit on his lap too.. Omg.. Totally sickening...daddy likes it...shes very clingy to men and boys