SD13 is toxic, don't want her around BD10
I'm hoping someone can give me some guidance here, because I only want to do what is right for my daughter who is 10. SD13 came to live with us about 3 months ago and in that short time she has gone from bad to awful! Refer to some of my past posts for details but in a nutshell she has skipped school, she's sexually active, apparently smoking weed (according to the sticker in her room), sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night, recently tried to bring 5 boys into her bedroom, stays gone for days at a time, she is manipulative, swears like a sailor and she has no respect for anyone including herself!
OK so with that history, I am at my wits end, not just with her but with her father. He is allowing her to get away with all of the above. All he does is "talk" and there is never ANY consequences for her deplorable behavior. The one time he grounded her she snuck out, and he let her stay out. We fight about her constantly because I don't agree with how she is being raised. She has not been home since she walked in my house with 5 boys and her girlfriend, which was last Thursday. Her father is letting her stay at her friend's because he doesn't want to "deal with her."
I've enjoyed her not being here, but all good things must come to an end, and I am sure she will be back soon. I want to limit our daughter's interactions with SD13 because she is a negative influence and is just a toxic person. Have any of you ever done this, if so how did you go about it? I am lost.
Well it's funny because I
Well it's funny because I have been doing exactly that! For example, her sister wasn't even home for Christmas yesterday, she was at her friend's. I didn't get her a stocking, and I only got her 2 gifts. My daughter asked why Santa brought her sister only a couple things and no stocking. I said "Santa doesn't reward girls who run away, get bad grades, skip school, sneak boys into the house, etc, etc." She started laughing. She knows her sister is a complete screw up, but I just worry that if she continues to see her getting away with all this crap repeatedly, that when she turns 13, she's going to think she can get away with it too. I tell her that if I was SD13 mom, she wouldn't be getting away with this, but I just wonder if that is enough. I dont know, it's a crappy situation. I haven't seen her since she brought 5 boys into my house last Thursday, but I do plan on letting her know that was complete BS and I'm not having that in my house. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut.
I really hope her dad spends
I really hope her dad spends time with her and gets her professional help-lots of it. Maybe he needs to take parenting classes as well. Makes me wonder what she saw at BMs house, and what happened to her there.
I was a horrible teenager and
I was a horrible teenager and did all kinds of things I shouldn't have done. As much as I love my parents, the one thing I did not have was parenting. I would have done things a lot differently if I had things to fear, but I didn't because I didn't get punished consistently. There was no structure, no routine, no consequence and I didn't straighten up until I got pregnant at 15 years old.
Sadly this girl will not get any better until your DH starts parenting and disciplining. For starters I would strip everything out of her room, but her bed and clothes, she needs to be shown what to do and how to be a lady. If one of my kids was gone for days I would be beating down doors until I found them. I would sign her up for the At Risk Youth program if they have it in your area, parents and teenager sign it and if the kid acts up you call the police and they haul them off to juvenile hall. I would be on her shit like white on rice.
Teach your daughter how to act appropriately and thats all you can do.
Does your husband realize
Does your husband realize that if she's sneaking out, taking off for days at a time, etc, that HE can be charged with neglect or worse? It's his JOB as her parent to actually parent her.
Well he feels because she
Well he feels because she "checks in" with him, it's OK! I've never seen anything like it! A couple weeks ago, he grounded her (Shocking) for the weekend. She snuck out sometime Friday night after 11....Then he called her friend Saturday and she confirmed she was there...HE LET HER STAY!!!!! WHAT???!!! I've never heard of anything like it! Most parents would be beating that door down saying you better get home now! But nope, because he knew where she was, he allowed her to stay.
Take the door off her bedroom
Take the door off her bedroom so she has no privacy. No respect to you equals no privacy to her. Protect your daughter as much as possible. And go through her room. I mean everything. Open books, pull the drawers out and look under the dresser. Nothing is off limits. That way you might find contraband. IT'S YOUR HOUSE! STICK TO YOUR RULES! Your husband needs to step up or he's going to be sorry. Parents are suppose to be parents not friends. Believe me from first hand experience, you don't want to get that call from the police station.
Beaccountable touched on what
Beaccountable touched on what I'm about to say.Why is your child anywhere near any of this? Are you going to wait for one of the boys she sneaks in to rape your daughter? Now, I'm sure you'll reply to me how you "can't" get out or how your husband is "perfect" for you, please save your typing fingers. Your first obligation is to your child. If she were mine she wouldn't be in the same house as your SD. Kids only get one childhood.
The funny thing is when I
The funny thing is when I asked DH what if I wasn't here and she had boys in the house and something happened to our child?? He said that was a very far-fetched scenario! I told him she has worn out her welcome here and she needs to go or he needs to find an apartment for them. You know, I let alot of stuff slide with that girl because I was following the mantra, "Not my kid not my problem" but when she decided to bring boys into my home, she crossed the line and it is not ok! She hasn't been home since that happened and I am so pissed because I want her to know she went too far this time.
Time for a nanny-cam and for
Time for a nanny-cam and for him to actually help his daughter.
WAT? I think you two are
WAT? I think you two are playing with fire having her around your younger one. You CANNOT watch them 24/7. I couldn't live with my child being exposed in this manner.
I appreciate everyones
I appreciate everyones comments because he is making it seem like I am being overly dramatic and hateful towards his daughter!!! I just want my daughter to be safe and at the end of the day if he has to move out with his spawn, then so be it. I'm so tired of fighting trying to force his hand when it comes to her. He really is making me feel like I am the crazy one. He says I get overly upset when it comes to her....I said well it's like your brain doesn't function when it comes to her, it just shuts down.
I know girl right? Taking on
I know girl right? Taking on steps does NOT abdicate you from being a parent to the kids you already have. CTBB was great with my kids and the 4 of them love each other- but one of the times he was living with us I caught him selling pot to a friend of his, his bags were packed so fast I looked like the road runner doing it!