Relocating and grandparents
Hey everyone so I've been dating this guy for about 2 years now. He lives in Kentucky and I live in New York City. He has a 7 and 1/2 year old son who he shares part-time custody with the mother but he's hoping to get custody soon. We've been talking about marriage but a situation just arose that I'm very concerned and troubled about.
So I'm going to be staying with him in a house that we rented from Airbnb and he had said that his son was very eager and excited to spend a few nights with me and him in that house, but just the other day we were video chatting and he asked his son on the phone if he's excited to spend a few nights with me and his dad, he got really nervous and said he's going to ask his grandpa. I asked my boyfriend if he really did discuss staying over with me and him at the house and he said yes he had. He lives in the mountains of Kentucky with his parents who are elderly , and they see the boy every other week. I live in New York City and I'm used to coffee shops, book stores, museums and theater venues. I'm now concerned that moving once we get married is going to be an issue because the boy will want to see his grandparents as often as he did before me and his dad got married and if we're living in another state which has more cosmopolitan life this is going to be a problem. I can't see myself living in such a rural and desolate place. I can't bear to sacrifice my boyfriend though but I don't want to seem selfish. I doubt very much my boyfriend's parents being as elderly as they are will want to move at their age just to be near the boy. My boyfriend said it's just going to take getting used to for his son. I don't want to seem like I'm overreacting but am I? I'm very concerned and troubled.
Slow down.
Unless BM is on drugs or in jail he is not going to get custody. Best would be 50/50.
You have never met SS. You don't know who that going to work out. What are you going to do about work in Kentucky ? You want a job to earn your own money, you don't want to be a babysitter to SS .
SO wants. A Big Happy Family. He wants you to become the boys mother and do the motherly job
Do you really want to do this. He has a BM. Who is always going to win and everything is going to be your fault. Read the forum
This is not the relationship
This is not the relationship for you. Find someone more compatible and in New York. I've never been to rural Kentucky, but I've lived in NYC and I can wager that you will be bored out of your mind.
Rural KY---super east/near
Rural KY---super east/near Wva is beautiful. Green Mountain, lush...reminds me of Knoxville TN.
Here is the thing, there is a HUGE difference between life style, yours and his. Not a bad thing but you must ask yourself. DO I want to slow down 95percent of each day? Here is a link that you may be interested in reading.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_of_Kentucky
Please re-think going to visit IF you still plan on going to meeting his child. Please don't do that. Kids have magical thinking.
There should be a very strong likeliness of marriage before you meet a child.
About visits to Granny--well, I believe it is the least of your troubles. Your bf will not get get full custody unless mom is in the back of a paddy wagon being carted off to the brink for a 7yr sentence. Even then she will be out in a few months and get custody back.
.
What is the most valuable thing you can inherit in KY and WV?
Grandma's teeth.
I worked in KY and WV during severe flood and hail storms as a catastrophe adjuster and insurance fraud investigator. NY to the Appalachian region is like going from the sun to the dark side of the moon. Many of my colleagues referred to the locals as the toothless MFers. I took a more respectful tack on it... but.... as we met for breakfast one AM I grabbed the local paper out of the news paper dispenser and the headline article was on the horrendous dental health in the region.
Beautiful places and very interesting people. But generally their way of life and family dynamics are extremely different from the more urban regions.
Above it was recommended that you do some research on the region your SO lives in. Great advice IMHO.
I was awestruck by some of the things I experienced while working in that region.