SD is 10 and not terribly mature -- not her fault, BM is a drinker and a mess, we do a lot of damage control in our house.

A certain issue has come up over and over again (and over, and over, and over again) and I would prefer to just skip the whole thing because I think it's ridiculous and that the phase will pass. This has gotten me in real hot water with BD and I'm not sure what to do.

Right now, SD ends up having a huge emotional meltdown every time she has a sleepover. She will beg to have a friend or friends over, but as soon as the friend arrives, she becomes rude and selfish. I guess because it is at her house, she wants to control everything: what games they play, what garbage TV they watch, etc. etc. etc. Honestly, the friend is never as rude as she is, though they do stand up for themselves and express the desire to make just a few choices about the evening! But very soon thereafter, SD pitches a fit, bursts into tears, and goes off somewhere to slam a door. She'll lock herself in the bathroom, and her poor friend (or friends) just sit in the living room looking mildly shell-shocked. At that point, and ONLY at that point, her father steps in to talk her off the ledge and coax her back to the party. Never any consequences for being so inconsiderate to people she insisted on having with her.

I've told BD: she just doesn't enjoy sleepovers right now. I don't know what it's about, but it's not OK to be rude to your guests, bark demands at them, and then abandon them when you're not having fun anymore. I suggested that we forego sleepovers for a while, since no one ever ends up happy.

BD exploded back at me that he doesn't believe in "preemptive parenting." (I honestly didn't even realize this was an actual parenting philosophy, I kind of thought it was common sense to avoid disasters if you see them coming.) His child is not going without sleepovers just because...she and her friends always end up miserable? And the adults too!

Has anyone ever dealt with a situation like this before? I don't want the poor kid to not have the same fun as everyone else, but right now she's NOT having fun, and therefore, none of us can. I don't understand trashing the house if she's not even going to have a good time...

Advice?