I need to read some articles on this, but I just don't see how it could not negatively affect the relationship with the SO. I mean, my DH works long hours and I am now home with my baby. If I disengage he not only cannot keep his job (he needs me to take the kids to school in the morning b/c he has to be at work early) or I would need to get a job to pay for the child care required to care of the skids (school pick ups, caring for my daughter, summer days) I"m disengaging from AND I would not be with my daughter full time during the day. I think I need to figure out the balance where we keep healthy boundaries with the BM (like why are we even considering carpooling for a day camp on her days when the other sibling is no longer needing to be somewhere at the same time as we originally thought). Also annoying he always tells me that he could do things himself, when that is just not at all the fact.
sigh. FrustrATED.