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truebloodfreak's picture

Submitted by truebloodfreak on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 1:30pm

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Blended Family Issues

My SS 9 has a habit of just walking.into our room whenever the door.isn't locked and.lays in the bed to.just hang Out.

Either with us or by himself .....there is literally.only 5ft of personal.space that I have in.the apartment ... it annoys me.to no end why SS9 is up my SO's ass all day long and hanging out in our room is driving me.crazy whenever he walks in I walk right out. It is a small bedroom too. Does this happen with yiu and what do u about it??? My SO says he knows I don't.like.his.son and.don't.like.to.be around him all.the time. He said it's hard for him to be in the.middle because he loves us both but knows I don't.like.his son. IDK how his.son really feels about me. He calls.me.mom but that's b/c BM lives in another state and sees.them maybe once a year for a.week. I've been living with them for the past. 4 years. We just took a 2 month break.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 1:39pm

I don't let the skids in our bedroom anymore, unless they are bringing laundry to be washed. SD still goes in it when she knows its just her dad in there, and it drives me crazy. If he's in there its cause he's changing or sleeping, so no need to be nosing around the door.

I need some "me" space. And I really don't need their dirty shoes and dirty hands all over my sheets and pillows.

truebloodfreak's picture

Submitted by truebloodfreak on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 1:53pm

Well I'm telling SO straight up that I need "me" time especially when I get home.from.work. I don't want SS9 hanging out to watch TV he can hang.out in any other room with his.dad. I shouldn't need to tell my SO that his son shouldn't be hanging out in our room at all. We have personal.adult items in our room that I shouldn't have to.keep.under lock.and.key. its so frustrating because of this break.we took SO.told.me.that SS9 was hanging out a lot with his dad in the room. >>well if I'm moving back with them I NEED my.own space.

planningMyEscape's picture

Submitted by planningMyEscape on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 2:20pm

My skids don't go in our bedroom. Ever. A part of me feels slightly bad about this, because my bio kids come and go in there as they please...but they are little, and well they are my kids. I have a son who breastfeeds and this is the one area of the house I can nurse him with some privacy, so I made that rule a while back. It is the only place in the house they aren't allowed in, and frankly, sometimes it saves my sanity!!

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 2:32pm

My bioson is allowed in our bedroom too, but he is 2 and he also sleeps in our room. I don't feel at all bad about keeping the skids out, but allowing bioson. They have rooms, and he doesnt, simple as that.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 3:21pm

Knock or you may catch me naked.

Another approach would be to walk into his room and lay on his bed. When he asks what you are doing there just tell him that as he walks into your room then you can walk into his room.

Have you said anything to the boy or waiting for your SO to do so? Just tell the boy "SS, please lay on your own bed. This is my bedroom. I don't lay on your bed so you don't lay on mine."

If he gets smartmouthed, mention the situation to your SO. If he pulls out the "You hate my son" card tell him your don't. However if his son has more 'personal space' in the home than you do then obviously the place isn't big enough for all of you and time for someone to move out.

My SSons used to hang out with DH in his bedroom before we were involved. I told DH that this is not what I am used to and I would like some area to call my own. It caused rather a fuss and ruckus because 'don't you know' ... They used the bedroom TV for video games. Now here is the funny thing, the TV in the living room had the same set up. Yet I was unceremoniously shunted out of the bedroom when they wanted to play video games.

So I started sleeping on the couch. DH would come out and see me curled up on the couch with a pillow and blanket and me 'asleep'. He would try and wake me up and I would pretend to be perfectly OK with where I was. I think it only happened 2x before he got the idea that sleeping with me was preferable to hanging out with his sons on his bed.

If this has been going on for a number of years you may need to work at it to change this habit they have. Stormy silences just don't get the idea across to men. They need to be told "I want some private time with you. Not your son. If you want private time with your son and not me, I understand." And finally leave. Make the decision for him.