I am in no way trying to stick up for BM but I have a cousing who did the same thing. She was married, had a child and then the split. Daughter was 12 when she had a second kid from some joker who left her while prego. She gave her second kid her ex husband's last name. Her reason was that since her older child and her had that last name it just made more sense to have the new child's last name the same. Well, bio dad of second child came back into the picture and wasn't happy. The father of the first one wasn't happy but he isn't married either so no wife to deal with. Now my cousin's kid is 3 and she is getting married again to another guy. She wants both her kids names to be changed to her fiance's bc he has four other kids and it would just be easier.

No, she should not be throwing his name around but just be happy he isn't on the birth certificate. However, you have to know what battles to pick and it doesn't seem wise to fight over that. As far as her calling your house, I would make it clear, through a lawyer, that all contact be made btwn such and such hours by such and such methods. That is the only way you will cure that. My SD's are 19 & 21 and the hag still calls my DH. I wish I had gone back to court to work that stuff out but its over now.

And your DH may be getting mad at you. Don't push too hard. He may not like her but he has to deal with her. She is the mother of his child. Until he puts his foot down nothing will change. Also, if you push you may push him back to her. I've seen it happen before. You must back away and just not let her get to you. Be the bigger person.

I know how you feel. BM and DH were divorced for 20 years before I met him. I hate her guts - but not actively. Except for posting on here I rarely give her any thought.

In other words I have pretty much just erased her. I did not order DH to erase her from his life - but he loves his life with me and knows there would be consequences if he stayed "friends" with her.

Here's my take. BM does not exist to me. She is not allowed in ANY part of my life. Therefore if DH wants to be in my life he will not drag her skanky ass into it. We had this out before we married

My SS is an adult. Yours is not but he is certainly of an age where "mommy" does not have to be a part of your interaction with him.

BM has called once since we had this out to tell him SS needed to go to the hospital. We were hundreds of miles away and she was a few blocks away and works at that hospital. She wanted DH to take him. Stupid bitch. I was sitting next to DH when she called. He was not friendly to her at all. My DH usually answers the phone all friendly etc. but she did not get that treatment.

Your problem is really with your DH. Can he live without her? That was a condition of my marriage to DH.

if I could sit down with you and have a glass of wine or 2 or 3 or 4 and just let you vent I would. I dont see how you can be this calm. I would FLIP THE H**L OUT!!...OMFG....she needs to get a mental eval and get some serious medication. Ok so the whole thing about her and the last name get angry. But the picture (NOT so much) think of it this way. Sure its been a long time since you've been married to your husband. But there will always be a bong there with BM. If there is something that he feels he cant share with you because you wouldnt understand when it comes to you SS then he will share it with her. Keep in mind that is their kid together and of course he is going to hide it. No man wants to hear their wife nag them about what they are doing when it comes to the BM. Be careful of the fights you pick, some stuff that makes you really upset will just push him away and not want to share things with you. Even if you are upset just make your feelings known and without arguing leave it alone. On the other hand after that many years I dont see the point in him sending her pictures at all. I mean if he doesnt she her for what she is then he hasnt learned anything from that relationship.