New Development
So, I had completely disengaged from my SD16 because of her nasty attitude and haven't talked to her at all in over a month. I asked my DH to explain the reasons to her because I couldn't talk to her without her going off the deep end on me. And he did.
Everything was great - I loved not having a relationship with her (we have her EOW). When she is here, I go off and do my own thing alone or with friends. I am very independent, so no issues there. Loved not having all the stress of dealing with a teenage girl with tons of issues who seemed to see me as a natural target.
All of a sudden, this weekend, she started talking to me. As in asking me if I needed anything from the store etc. All very nice. I was totally taken back. I asked DH what the deal was and he said she wanted to make up with me.
All that is very heartwarming but I am terrified. Of course I won't reject her because I am not a TOTAL ***** but I am so afraid to go back there...My DH is an optimist thinking things will be better but I just don't believe it. I am a pessimist...
My advice, be nice. Let her
My advice, be nice. Let her come to you and just be civil with one another. No harm in that.
But dont jump on the horse thinking all is in the past. Nope...doesn't work that way. You see, parents and kids can forgive one another....stepparents and stepkids, is different. We always remember and that love that is shared between a parent and child is not the same between stepparents and skids....Sorry. its reality.
I keep my distance from my sd. I'm nice, I'm responsive when she approaches me. I'll ask reg conversations too...nothign deep unless she wants advice. I keep a distance. And i like it this way. I dont get hurt, i'm not involved unless she wants me to be like a friend. I'm not her mother, never will be. I'm here as an adult and if she wants advice i'll give it to her like any other person. Other than that, i do what you have described, i go shopping, do myown thing when she comes. We speak. we are good with one another because i'm very upfront with her. Plus she gets the have her time with her dad since she comes once every 3 months or so....she's a teen..she wants her friends. And since i've stepped back over the last couple of years, i think its great! I have no expectations. None...and that is freedom. I honestly dont care if she comes or if she doesn't. My life doesn't revolve around my stepkids. It revolves around me, my dh and our kids.
Totally agree, Angel72. I'll
Totally agree, Angel72. I'll do exactly that. I really enjoyed not talking to her at all because I didn't have to deal with her mood swings and never knowing whether I'll get a nice respectful girl or a total brat, but I guess I can move one step closer - a civilized relationship but that's all.