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Needs advice with an issue

Crazymommaof4's picture

Ok here's the deal my bf and I are marrying in feb I currently have health vision and dental insurance my kids get the state insurance I do pay a premium for it it's not free cause I make a little over the max amount. But they are also eligible for it because if I added them to mine it would be more then the states so the state said to leave them on it. Now my bf's daughter has nothing because her BM didn't renew her free state medicade cause she was lazy now she went to work and don't want to have to pay for it. My bf and I pay for her over the counter stuff and what not but it is the BM responsibility in the divorce to pay for the medical part cause at the time there really was no fee cause everything was paid by the state so now she pays for dr visits and that out of pocket which has happened once in the two years I've been around. Well my thought is if after we marry I it will be cheaper to add my kids on mine and my SO but feel I should not have to add their child which means I would be paying for her insurance. But then I think well I love my bf and it would be the noble thing to do but feel if I do then there should be no reason in hell we should have to pay her copayment s or deductable am I wrong and being selfish or am I right to think its not my child not my problem??

StickAFork's picture

I insured my SD for a number of years. I did it because I loved her father, we were married, and we were a family.

It made more sense for us to have everyone on my plan... including his daughter from his first marriage. BM didnt' contribute anything.

OhGolly's picture

It probably wouldn't cost much more to insure SD since you already have two kids on the plan, but I understand it's just to point of it all.

If you feel like you will resent adding her, then don't do it. Her mom can reapply to get free medical and if she doesn't your husband may be able to if his income meets standards. They won't count your income when it comes to his child, even if your married (at least they don't in WV).

imjustthemaid's picture

Once you guys get married won't they take his income into consideration? Do you think you will lose the state insurance if combined you both make too much money?

Smomof3's picture

Our BM has always been like this. I don't know how many times we picked up kids who didn't have their asthma meds because BM couldn't afford it (however she had cigarettes). Just figure it out...put her on your insurance, have DH put her on the state plan or something.

Also, if BM doesn't pay per the decree you can take her back for contempt and then file for a change of custody.

dragonfly5's picture

I have mixed feeling on this subject as well. We will be married in May, but I don't think we will mix our insurance. My SO is responsible for paying the medical insurance part. They split the meds, etc...

My attorney said that if I put the skids on my insurance, then if anything happens I am liable even though they legally are not mine.

Also one of the "stepper's" on this site, put her skid on her insurance and when she went to college she went to a DR/hospital that was not on the approved list. It ended up costing her thousands, and hurt her credit because the kid was throwing away the bills and she had no idea they were trying to collect.

I think it is better to leave the skids as a liability for the bio parent. Not my kids...not my responsibility. Sounds harsh but honestly, the less drama and potential for drama the better.

iwasindenial's picture

I agree with you on the financial part....

My DH is supposed to provide insurance according the CO, but when the BM has taken the skids to the dr, she puts the bill in DH's name since the insurance is in his name... Problem is, she has it sent to HER address and if she doesn't feel like sending it to us, we just don't know that there is a bill in DH's name. Last one she got around to sending us was in September and the bill was from January...not a good deal!

my.kids.mom's picture

Think about it this way...insurance is not meant for colds and flus. It's meant to cover major accidents/cancer/debilitating diseases, etc. The bm doesn't even have to know that the child is covered. Let her take her and pay. When you take her, use the insurance. Insurance is to protect the parent (and the financial health of your marriage) which affects YOU. With older children, they don't need to know they even have insurance when they go in. If they get sick, they can pay for it. If it's major, the insurance will cover it. We need to get out of the mindset that insurance means that we should get cheap/free health care. It's to protect us from bankruptcy and financial ruin!

Halo_Horns's picture

My insurance won't even allow me to add a child that is not mine by birth or adoption. You may want to check with your carrier to see if it is even an option. If it is not, then there is the easy answer to your dilema. And why can't the dad apply for medical benefits through the state? If the BM has not put forth the effort then have dad apply for his child.

Crazymommaof4's picture

He makes a little over the max allowance and it was set up as her responsibility she doesn't pay support so at least keeping the insurance is the least she can do.