Medical Insurance
I have an employer who is insanely generous and gives us family medical insurance (really great insurance) for about $100 a month. We have premium dental insurance that is literally $25 a month for a family because he also gives us $1300 a year to use as we wish on medical costs and I put mine towards the dental premiums. However, I worked long and hard to get to where I am at in my career.
I know that alot will disagree with me, but I have included my two stepchildren on my insurance since it didn't cost me anything extra and I figured it could be secondary insurance for them if anything really bad ever happened. My first DH died of cancer and I paid nothing of the $1,000,000 hospital bill because he was insured by his company and mine. You can never have too much insurance.
Anyways, BM chose to keep the stepkids covered under her own pathetic insurance over the past year that DH and I have been married as well. Her insurance costs $635 a month and she brings home $1500 a month from her part time secretary job. Brilliant, right? Well now that she is losing the house, getting food from foodbanks, becoming a sponsored charity family for Christmas, but refuses to work more than 30 hours a week, get more education (she has an AA), and spends her 3 weeks Christmas vacation at home and vacationing, she wants to drop her insurance and use mine as the primary insurance.
I said that this was fine as long as she agreed that we pay the deductible and premiums and she pays co-pays and prescriptions. We split emergencies and any non-emergencies are discussed/agreed on first. She is already filing a judgement for visitation and other issues so we told her that as soon as we reviewed and agreed on the paperwork and she filed it with the court, we'd give her the medical cards. Sounds reasonable right? Of course she has to turn it into a week long ordeal where she went round and round accusing us of withholding medical care from the children, saying that the parent who can afford it should pay everything and split all copays and deductibles, and on and on. She keeps saying that it doesn't cost us anything extra to cover them so we should just pay it and split everything with her. Well too bad - I am not required to provide them with anything, its my work benefit, and she is not part of our extended family who gets the use of my benefits. Now she is demanding to see the policy - I told her no. She was told what the copay and prescription costs are, what the emergency costs are, etc, and my policy details are none of her business. What she is trying to do is figure out how much out of pocket we are paying so she can try to get us to pay more. Frankly, I could care less if she wants to continue paying $600 a month for insurance or try to get Medi-cal for the kids (thats what she's threatening). This is my insurance, these are my terms, and she can take it or leave it. Less work and annoyances for me I am sure if she doesn't take it, but she isn't calling the shots here. I am.
Does anyone see any potential issues here if we do get the agreement filed and she uses the insurance for the kids? SD17 will be 18 in June and already accepted to college. I plan to cover her until she is out of college or turns 24, regardless of what her mother does. SS12 has some issues and is on prescription medication for what his mom calls "bipolar", but what I call bad parenting.
I would set up a password
I would set up a password protect with your insurance company so that she cannot call and speak with them. That would be my FIRST order of business.
I'd also put IN WRITING the splitting of co-pays and deductibles, or however you want it set up. And I'd have that as part of the court agreement. The bills will ultimately come to you and will be your responsibility as the policy holder, so if she bugs out on paying that stuff, you'll be stuck.
I'd also consider some verbage to cover those instances where visits may not be paid (deemed medically unnecessary by the insurance company, i.e., ER visit for a hangnail, etc). Who gets stuck with that?
Good advice B22 - I will
Good advice B22 - I will definately do that with the insurance company.
DH asked if it would be okay to just give her the policy information. I am not trying to be difficult, but if she has that much information, she could just go in and use the insurance without an agreement filed and without medical cards. I've done it myself when I couldn't find my card. I wouldn't put it past her. I also feel like its my personal information, its something of a hassle for me to get and fax to her, and I am doing her a favor. Take it or leave it.
Honestly, I am not too worried about her using the emergency benefits for ridiculous things - she is much too lazy to drive them to the hospital unless there are broken limbs or excessive blood involved. Seriously. However, if she wants to play games once we get the paperwork filed, I absolutely will cancel the insurance. I am not required to provide them with insurance.
If she's supposed to be
If she's supposed to be providing health insurance and now you are, that's LESS cs that Dh should have to pay. Doesn't matter what it does or doesn't cost you.... Part of his cs is for his contribution to the medical coverage that she's required to provide.
Keep all your personal info from her, its not her business. Don't give her copies of the cards until you are satisfied with the situation. And if you are you are going back to have things legwally modified, bring it up that you will now be providing the medical, and your cs obligation will go down.... Which will piss her off even more. She has NO power here.
Hmmm....maybe that is why she
Hmmm....maybe that is why she has been so hard to pin down - she is worried that if we specify in the court papers that we are providing insurance, her support will be reduced. I do know that when the judge calculated the cs amount, she took her $600 a month insurance payment into consideration. If she is no longer paying that, it increases her pay each month. That makes alot of sense. Thanks!
Good advice above. I would
Good advice above. I would also make sure it is documented that if BM takes the kids to a doctor that is not in your policy's network then she is responsible for the entire amount.
I also covered my SS19 on my family medical policy from ages 13-18. Initially, this was the secondary insurance. But once BM found out that it didn't cost me any extra to add the skid to my plan then she wanted to cancel her policy and use ours as primary. We both had the same insurance company, but different plans and some of the doctors were in-network for her plan but not on my plan. Instead of confirming that a doctor was covered under my policy, she took skid to the appt first and then tried to make us responsible for the entire bill. We took it to the judge and she ruled that BM could choose any doctor regardless of in-network coverage and DH still had to pay half. That gave BM free range to continue taking SS to out-of-network doctors and racking up unnecessary medical bills.
One more thing - make sure your SSN is not printed on the medical cards. If it is, you can request additional copies without that information.
Thanks JustAnother - I will
Thanks JustAnother - I will definately make sure thats specified. Good advice! This is actually what I am most worried about - that BM will make co-pays and prescription costs - whatever is required at the time of service to to buy the drugs. Getting money out of her for any costs that get billed to me will probably be challenging. There will be 101 different reasons why we should pay it and (wah) even if she acknowledges she should pay it, she can't afford it. Of course whenever DH reminds her that she can't afford basic necessities because she won't work, she tells him its none of his business. It's only our business that she needs money and we are expected to subsidize her I guess. Oh well, I am trying to get the agreement as tight as possible and will let her know that I'll cancel the insurance myself if she wants to play games with the payments. The only reason I am doing this at all is because it doesn't cost us anything to cover the kids and DH would have to pay half if she goes out to find individual insurance. However, he fully agrees that if she won't file a legal agreement, it would be cheaper for us to come up with half the premium for individual insurance - she'd have to take us to court to get that ordered anyway and we'd have the opportunity to explain to the judge that the only reason she has to get the individual insurance is that she wouldn't agree to reasonable terms in writing to use mine.
Where is the dad? It is
Where is the dad? It is possible that the bm requests through the court that dad cover insurance, whether it's his or yours is up to you and the dad. Just because you are being generous and allowing her kids to be on your policy (which also works out better for you and your dh, btw) doesn't mean that you should be controlling and keep the policy from her, etc. If the dad were covering the kids, she would get a copy of the policy...the fact that it is YOUR policy and not HIS is moot. She is obviously ignorant for paying that much for insurance, but you are coming off as a little childish just because you can.
No, you are wrong, the fact
No, you are wrong, the fact that it is MY policy and not DH's is NOT moot. I am responsible for all bills made to my policy as the policy holder. I am also NOT responsible for providing insurance for the skids. DH and BM are. Whatever benefit DH gets from my policy since we are married is between us. BM is still responsible for half of her children's medical costs and she needs to pay them, NOT me. It does not work out better for me and DH if we have to chase her down to pay her half of medical bills. We both agreed that the cost of paying half of an individual policy for them far outweights the stress, hassle, and potential costs to us if she does this with my policy and doesn't put an agreement in place. We have told her this several times, but she doesn't want to pay half of an individual policy either.
If you read above, I am not interested in giving her our policy because she can use it without the medical cards and without a legal payment agreement between us. She also wants to get our deductible/premium information so that she can continue the bargaining, nasty phone calls, and BS. I am not interested in continuing with that. She either accepts my conditions or she finds her own insurance.
Is everyone here in agreement
Is everyone here in agreement that I am not being unreasonable in not providing her with the policy? I know that she wants to use that to figure out how much out of pocket we are actually paying. I just don't want to look unreasonable to the judge if it gets to that. We did provide BM with the costs that would be hers (co-pays, dental costs, and prescription costs). On the other hand, I could just send her the plan breakdown (not the full policy), she could see that there is no deductible (our premium is $100 a month, but she doesn't know that) and just tell her that I am not here to make it "equal" for her or 50/50. Its my insurance and if she wants it, she will pay the co pays and prescriptions, period.
Unless there is a CO stating
Unless there is a CO stating that your DH HAS to provide medical insurance, you have no obligation to provide her with SQUAT...until and unless the proper changes are made in court - INCLUDING modifying CS.
All she needs is the part
All she needs is the part describing the benefits and exclusions. Leave out the page(s) with deductibles and premiums.
Let's be real...the only
Let's be real...the only reason you are covering the kids is because if they come down with something major like cancer, or are involved in an accident, your DH will be half responsible. You will not be sticking it to the bm, you are covering his a$$. How little she works is irrelevant to the insurance. They need to be covered. Do it the cheapest way for everyone involved, and if she wants to be difficult, she will suffer.
Do not cover the kids without
Do not cover the kids without a court order adjusting child support to account for her no longer paying the 600.00 a month. That is what she is trying to do-have child support remain high and claim the 600.00 expense, but have YOU cover the insurance.
No way would I do it. Child support would be modified at the same time the agreement was made to cover the kids. $600.00 is a lot of money.
You are wrong MyKidsMom - I
You are wrong MyKidsMom - I covered them for the past year (and paid for extras like contact lenses) out of my own pocket because her insurance sucks and I like them. Regardless of what happens with BM, I will cover SD17 while she goes to college because she is a really good kid and deserves help where I can provide it. If something happened to one of the stepkids, it wouldn't effect me that much. DH and I have totally separate money, I can support myself without any help from him, and I own our house in my name (purchased before we were married). What I WILL not do is send my DD3 to daycare everyday to hold down a good job and subidize BM to sit on her butt. She needs to pay the copays and prescriptions - which will save her about $300 a month from what she is paying now and she isn't going to rack up medical bills in my name without contributing her 50% for her kids. Even with this huge savings to her that she acknowledges, she is still claiming that she can't afford the copays and prescriptions, being rude and abusive on the phone with DH, and generally just a pain.
Does anyone know what my
Does anyone know what my recourse would be if BM refuses to pay her part of any bills that come in? SS12 needs braces and my insurance covers 50%, but if she refuses to pitch in her 25% AFTER the braces on are and we get a bill, what would I do? Would it be considered contempt of court since I am requiring her to file detailed payment arrangements with the court? Or would I be stuck going to small claims? What if it is an ongoing issue - am I allowed to cancel the insurance so that she is forced to get an individual policy with DH?
Thats what I ended up doing -
Thats what I ended up doing - my company had a itemized breakdown sheet of the coverage and benefits, plus all copays. They also had instructions on looking up in-network doctors so she could verify that the kids could see their existing doctors. I sent that over and we'll see what happens.
I guess I was just getting frustrated - I am not even in financial straits at all, but if someone offered me an option that would save me $600 a month, I'd jump on it. Rather than thank me - BM just ranted and raved that we wouldn't pay for EVERYTHING. Typical - this is the same woman who told my DH that he should pay twice what the guidelines required in support because he made a promise to her when they got married. WTF? Did I miss out on this promise to support me for the rest of my life in our vows?