Need help quick! RE: SD school project
SD has a project due at school. She informed me this morning that her mom told her I would take or get some photos of her for this project that is due Friday. We have the kids here until Wed morning. I am a photographer - so I am flattered that her mom wanted to use one of my photos, however, no one told me about this until today. I asked SD about this project last week and she informed me that "mommy is going to help me do it" - and with that she put it all away and did no work on it until yesterday at her mom's. We are in the process of moving and have no materials left unpacked for her to work with, nor a printer to print any photos.
I went ahead and helped with the photos after explaining that in the future I need advanced notice. I had her tell her mom that she would have to print the photos as we do not have a printer here. (probably not the best idea to have the kids pass a message, but I panicked)
Here's the dilemma: Do I ask her mom for advanced notice before volunteering me to handle important school projects? Am I being too sensitive to expect the courtesy of an email when she tells her kids I will do something for them? (I am not a fan of telling kids anything that is not set in stone or at least minimally arranged)
Also, this is the first time the ex has directly involved me in anything....
ugh. Advice please...
Hmmm, this is a tough call.
If you say something to her, then you're the bitch from hell who is ruining her children's lives and being an overall pain in her ass. If you don't say something, she may feel like she can walk all over you. Me? I'm torn. On the one hand, it would be so great to have my skids' mom actually INCLUDE me in something or acknowledge my existence other than to harp about the stupid CS payment. I would LOVE to be involved in helping with a school project. Hell, I would just like to know what school they GO to every day. But I'm not authorized to have that info, apparently. Sigh. If you do say something, I'd be very careful how you word it... "Hey, thanks for letting me be involved in helping SD with this project for school. I appreciate being given the opportunity. I would LOVE to help out with school projects. Please let me know when I can help and the more notice you can give, the better. Thanks!"
~ Anne ~
http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!
my thoughts exactly
right now i have just said that i don't mind helping and that if i had more notice i could have offered more help. i also suggested that for future school projects that an email is exchanged so that all the adults are aware of who is helping and to what extent.
i would use the "thanks for letting me help" line except that i already volunteer at school and the like, so it isn't the first interaction i have had on the level of schoolwork. she is aware that i do alot with the kids already.
i'm so torn - i don't want to start a sh!tstorm. oh well.....
I decided to
go ahead and send what I have. If she says anything ugly, I guess it's on her. I'm treating this as a business arrangement.
Here goes nothing!
BM's motive for including you should not mold much sway.
What does matter is how YOU feel and what YOU need to take place in the future. Remember that while you are a part of a blended family now, you are an individual first and you deserve the same respect that a person outside the family does. I feel that you are definitely doing the right thing by vocalizing your preferences and expectations to BM.
At least
she hasn't responded in a mean way. I guess no response at all is better than a nasty reply.
no response
still and now it's bothering me. I know she received the message because SD says that they got them, but her mother apparently doesn't have enough manners to send a simple "thank you", or tell her daughter to thank me.
I guess she has no illusions that she can fool me the way she fools other people.
I will definitely think twice about helping like this in the future.
Me being me
I would tell SD she is very lucky I have the stuff on hand to help out. "Usually I would have this all packed away by now. In fact your mom didn't even let me know. The next time you need help with a school project I need a weeks notice to make sure I have everything ready. OK? And just a little hint, saying "Thank you for helping me" would make me more likely to help you next time."
Make this about your SD getting orgnaised and not about mommy not letting you know. She will get the idea the next time mommy abdicates a school project to you and you cannot help due to other commitments.
Set and communicate the requirements you have
and hold your ground.
No need to make it confrontational. Just state the requirements and hold them accountable if they don't comply in the future.