Is it weird for BM celebrate Mother's Day with ex-Mil?
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The kids told us that they are very excited because they are having both sets of grandparents over for Mother's Day, effectively preventing Fiance from celebrating with HIS OWN MOTHER. Of course no one but the grandparents are invited.
SD wants to use one of my recipes - she wants me to give it over but not cook or be invited. Now, as any good cook knows, you only give the basics of any good recipe, so that is done. I don't care about not being invited over, but I DO think it is incredibly selfish to invite your ex mil so that your ex can't spend any time with her.
Fiance doesn't have any plans to see his mother on mother's day, but doesn't anyone understand the principle of the matter anymore? UGH.
That is wrong. He should be
That is wrong. He should be able to spend it w/HIS mom.. not w/his ex. that is crazy.
How does he feel about it.
I agree....BM should back
I agree....BM should back off and celebrate with her own Mother and let DH celebrate with his......BALLSY!!!!
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
His mom has been buddying up
His mom has been buddying up w/BM for almost a year - this instance takes the cake. He has repeatedly told her that he would prefer that she goes through him to spend time with the kids, send gifts etc, but she continues to sit w/ BM at kids' events, send stuff to BM's house vs his etc.
We don't know if she has accepted the invitation yet or not but the plan according to the kids is that it is only the 2 sets of grandparents invited, and that they already mentioned it in passing to dh's mother so that she would be aware that the invitation was forthcoming.
I can definitely see this
I can definitely see this happening in my situation. It hasn't, but I don't doubt that it could. BM and MIL are still very cozy together, something that causes me not a little jealousy and anger from time to time. My MIL stays the night at her house from time to time just to spend more time with sd. My husband has been very clear about how this upsets him, but my MIL doesn't care. My FIL is more respectful and he stays home. I think that bm does this primarily to make sure I remember that she is still important and that she was "first." But it burns me UP!!!
it doesn't bother me - i
it doesn't bother me - i would just as soon never have to see the mil again. her lack of respect for dh bothers me as well as the confusion it causes the kids. everyone knew that she didn't like bm during the marriage.
Sorry, but I'm trying to imagine...
...me spending Mother's Day with my ex MIL. For starters she has never liked anyone her children have been involved with, and I suppose that included me, even though me and ex were together for about 20 years. Secondly I am to blame for the break-up of the marriage (in her opinion) so in her eyes I am evil, her kids are perfect, so she would surely choose to burn in hell rather than be in the same room with me.
Ahh, it's amazing how some mothers can be so aware of what everyone else is doing yet be so blind to what occurs under their own nose. If my ex MIL new half the shit her kids have done she would have a stroke!
I'm very close to my MIL and
I'm very close to my MIL and I would stay that way even if I ever divorced her son. She's my children's grandmother, but even without being my MIL, she's still one of my very best friends in the whole world. I would understand this -IF- the MIL and the BM were close before the divorce. If they had a relationship that was about the two of them being friends, rather than MIL and DIL, then I could see it. If they hated each other during the marriage, then it's just very odd. Someone's manipulating someone else, that's for sure.
I doubt that MIL will be spending the entire 24 hours of Mother's Day with BM, so if fiance wants to spend time with his mother, then he should invite her to do something. And if he didn't want her spending that day with BM instead of with him, then he should've thought about that early enough to beat BM to the punch. But hey, it's his mother and it's his ex-wife. Don't let it get to you.
The principle of the matter only occurs to people who have principles to start with!
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I think it's wrong
I have a similar screwed up in law situation & feel your pain. How a mother could choose a former daughter in law over her own son is beyond me.
I don't know what my MIL is doing for mother's day & I don't really care. It is my first Mother's day and I am sure no one else will acknowledge that other than my own mother & my husband so screw them. I am always nice to them & do my best to include them. My MIL recently took my other two SIL, her mother & her two grand daughters to a show & never invited me with. I guess I should just be thankful she didn't invite BM with ( or maybe she did & she had plans with her out of town tool boyfriend )
I have learned to not expect much from them. They are the ones missing out on my sons life. At SS first communion party my mom told MIL how every Friday when I work from home they get to talk on the phone to the baby ( he is 10 months old & loves it. He grins & giggles) Mom said you should have seen the look on her face. My parents live 2 hours away & my inlaws 20 minuets... guess who sees him more.
My MIL see's the bm every other weekend..
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
although she say's its all about her keeping peace so she can have visitation with her grandson. BM and MIL did not like each other while dh was married to bm, but now MIL talks about bm like she is a saint(bm is always so courteous, meets me half way to get grandson, ect.)...mean while, dh is having to take bm back to court to attempt to get full custody of his son after bm has withheld visitations with his son for almost 2 years. I don't even attempt a relationship with MIL as I don't care for the way she disregards dh and all the bull he has had to go through emotionally and financially with bm. The way I see it, she already has a daughter in law, I'm just her son's second wife.
Georgia..
Put yourself in the situation. How would you feel if you were divorced and your ex husband was spending all this time with your kids and your parents and you current husband was treated coldly and left out and it hurt his feelings. Wouldn't you be angry for the simple fact that you love your husband and therefore would want him to be included in ALL aspects of you and your life which means your family is now HIS family and you wouldn't want your husband to feel like it is still your ex husbands family?
My MIL is just as crazy as BM. Funny thing is that at the end of the day the joke in our case is on the BM. See, MIL has a "fake name" that she refers to BM as and openly bad mouths her in front of SD and nephew but BM is to blind to see that MIL is using her and it doesn't bother us at all...DH has completely cut off MIL for my sake as well as ALL of our kids sakes.
Well, yeah, I would feel awful.
But we just cannot control the behaviors and feelings of other adults. The BM is gonna do what the BM is gonna do. The MIL is gonna do what the MIL is gonna do. It's a free country, even for ex-spouses and mothers-in-law. I can't prevent my husband's ex-wife from inviting my MIL to do something and I can't prevent my MIL from accepting. I can't prevent my ex-husband from inviting my mother to do something and I can't prevent her from accepting. All I can do is try to establish my own relationship with my MIL and encourage my husband to establish his own relationship with my parents. At best, all we can really do is try to anticipate the actions of the ex so that we can out-maneuver the ex. Even so, it shouldn't be about one-upmanship. It should be about your relationship with the in-law, not about the ex's relationship with the in-law.
I was putting myself in the situation that Silversomething described... if this were my DH and his mother and his ex-wife, then I would tell him that if he wanted to spend Mother's Day with his mother, then he needs to beat BM to the punch and invite his mother to do something before BM has the chance to invite her to do something. Since the deed is already done, then I would advise him to invite her to do something special on Saturday or Monday or at another time on Sunday.
If the problem is that MIL seems to prefer BM over DH, well, then DH needs to work on his relationship with his mother. If it's that MIL seems to prefer BM over me, well, then I guess I need to work on forging my own relationship with my MIL. But I can't make BM and MIL not be friends. And I wouldn't want to, because they do share the skids in common. I wish my MIL were on better terms with BM, because then she would get to see her grandchildren and I know how much it hurts her that BM won't allow her to have any contact. That's how I would feel if I were rowing along in this boat.
Is it weird for BM to celebrate Mother's Day with MIL? Well, that depends. As I said before, if BM and MIL were close before the divorce, then no, I don't think it's all that odd. Maybe not entirely politically correct, but not that odd. I'd remain close to my MIL if I ever divorced her son, just because we're friends before in-laws. Is it weird for THIS BM and THIS MIL to spend the day together? Yep, since they weren't close before and the MIL has nothing nice to say about her behind her back. But even so, they're adults. They get to make their own choices, weird or not.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
was bm and mil close to each
was bm and mil close to each other back then? or is she barely doing so? cause if she is then bm is just being a hypocrite and ur mil naive. i would take that opportunity and go out with ur boyfriend and have some time together , alone with no one to bother u.