I was widowed at age 32 in 2009, my children were 16 and 8. I did not date or have any interest in doing so for nearly 4 years. I started dating in 2013, and met my now husband late that year. My daughters handled the news of my dating fairly well at the time. I was encouraged to keep meeting people, etc. Things started to get more serious about 3 months into our relationship, and when we got engaged after 9 montns, everyone was excited and anxious to plan. We were married 18 months after we first met and he moved into my house. My husband has three children who we have every other weekend. It has been quite the adjustment to having younger kids in the house and my youngest daughter has always felt that she needed to 'stake her ground' when they were here. After finding out that things were taken from her room, I felt that she had that right. However, this has resulted in him telling me that his kids do not feel welcome in our home. 

Fast forward to the last year ---- my husband and my two daughters (ages 26 and 18)  have had quite the contentious relationship. I am sad to say that nothing I seem to do makes anyone happy anymore. I try to be there for my girls, and my husband tells me that I am coddling them and not letting them learn about how life really works. I have been accused of being a 'soft serve' mother, because I always give in, according to him. Most issues occur with my 18 year old who lives at home and is a senior in HS. She has had a steady boyfriend for 3 years, and he graduated last spring. He is not the most ambitious, is an only child, and is spoiled rotten (admittedly, and my daughter knows it). I have let things play out and tried not to interfere too much. My daughter has had her future planned for at least a year, and made the first steps this summer -- she joined the Air National Guard and was accepted into a Technical School to pursue nursing after she returns from Basic Training in the fall.  My husband cannot stand her boyfriend and feels he is a lazy SOB. The boyfriend has not had a job since the local pool closed at the end of summer. My daughter is working basically 3 PT jobs. 

Last weekend, my daughter happened to be playing Fortnite on her PS4 that she recieved for Christmas from her grandparents on her dad's side. She has not been a gamer ever before this, but of course now is more interested in it. Well, as she is playing her boyfriend joins the game with her online. My husband comes thru the room that I am sitting in with her and asks if she is playing with her boyfriend. When we answer yes, she is, he loses his cool and says "Tell that little fu**** he should be out looking for a job or working instead of playing games." My daughter tells him to shut up, and he says no. So then he tells her to put her PS4 back in her room and get out of here. My daughter flips a gasket, and tells him to F off, and the fight is on. There was a lot of yelling and such. Then my husband unplugs the game console and brings it to her (while continuing to yell) and my daughter takes it and starts stomping upstairs saying she is going to her boyfriends and isn't coming back. He tells her go ahead, see how that works for ya with out your mommy to protect you, you f***in cu**!!

All this happens as I am sittting there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say or do. There was so much happening that I am sure I don't even remember it all, but those last words are burned in my head. I immeadiately jump up and tell him that I cannot let him talk to her like that and he needs to stop. He tells me no and storms into another room. I am in shock, and can hear my daughter slamming doors as she is getting bags to pack her things. I tell my husband that if that is how he is going to act, I need him to leave. He says no, and starts to say that I am right, and he should not have called her that name. But, he does feel like she needs to realize how lazy and stupid her boyfriend is. 

I did want him to leave because I felt like he had violated my trust. We did start talking about separating and splitting up, but he has no where to go. We spend most of the next 4-6 hours in separate rooms of the house, him watching TV and me crying. During that time, my daughter had gone to her boyfriends with much of her stuff. My husband did finally come and apologize for his blow up, saying that for some reason "the stars and the moon all just aligned into the perfect storm, and I lost it" He said that he thought it was "the sight of her playing a stupid video game with him (her boyfriend) because she has never been that type of kid". I did get her to come home later that night, for him to apologize for calling her that name. She listened, would not talk to him, and then went back to her boyfriends. I did finally convince her to come home later that night. 

However, we have had 4 extremely tense days in our house together. She doesn't want to be in the same room with him, won't talk to him unless she has to, doesn't want anything to do with him, and feels like I have taken his side and don't defend her. I have tried to listen to both of them and figure out what the right thing to do is. I have not forgiven him yet. We have been going to counseling for about 2 months. I feel like the counseling is just a joke with him, because he did it with his exwife and feels like it is an attack on him. I feel like there has been more said to me on what I need to change. 

I don't know what the right answer is --- do we split up? Do I try to find a way to make it work for the next 5 months until she leaves for Basic Training? Hope that it improves? I know I shouldn't let my children dictate my future, and I do love my husband, but I have lost a lot of respect for him this week. 

Can you give me your take on what you would do? I know you don't have the whole story, but from this quick view into my life, I would appreciate your thoughts.