Hello everyone,

I'm new to the forum (about 15 min new). And have been seeking a place where I can get some advice from those that have similar experiences. So here it goes.

I have 2 SS ages 15 & 20. Any family event's either a b-day or holiday, for the kids, their BF is involved, which I can understand. Here recently our oldest has moved out of the house, about an hour away, with his girlfriend and BF (who helps offset the cost of living expenses, while the kids are in collage).

This father’s day we were going to celebrate with my family at our house, kind of a joint father’s day/ B-day celebration, since my wife and I will be away for my b-day. So, plans are made, and her son calls saying he'll be in town because his dad is there visiting his parents. My SS wanted to stay at our house, because the next day he was going to take his dad out for father’s day. Well my wife wanted to spend some time with her son, which we have not seen in over a month, so she asked if he wanted to stay for the cookout...but this meant that the Ex would be attending as well. I was dead set against it; I did not want the Ex at my event planned for my fathers, father day and my b-day celebration. But she was insisting that it was only to have her son stay longer so she could spend more time with him. I feel I’m justified and so are my parents for being highly upset that not only did the ex show up, but the SS girlfriend’s father and mother (both of whom are divorced as well) show up. Well my parents get up and leave..not passively either, my mother was highly agitated and made the fact known to all.
What I’m having a hard time in understanding is why my wife thought it was Ok to have the ex-husband attend our event. She keeps saying it was to see her son for longer. About the only event that he does not attend are events that my family has, at their house. But if it’s an event at our house...there he is. Please help me understand if I’m misreading the entire thing here, but there is more to it than just this one occurrence.
I feel that the kids are old enough that if they want to celebrate an even that they can do it with their father and not in my presence or with my wife wanting to be a part of that. Its like she has some attachment to the fact that he is the father of her children and that bond between them overrides my needs in the marriage. And I always get the same responce..”it for the kids”