MIL making life hell because her son remarried
First off, I've been trying for 2 years now to fix my relationship with my MIL. I've come to the realization that she hates me because she feels I'm the only thing in between my DH and his ex getting back together. What's worse, it has nothing to do with the ex! She hates the ex. It's because she doesn't believe in divorce and doesn't think my husband should have married me.. Which she made it very clear after we were engaged and eventually married.
I have a 4 month old son. He's the light of my world. My son came 3 weeks early and I had a lot of complications with delivery because my blood pressure was extremely high. Why you mention? Well, I had been sick at home waiting on the baby, when my MIL called my husband asking why he hadn't seen his other son, my 4 year old SS. He told her his son had been sick and he doesn't want his wife to get a bad virus or flu since she's about to have a baby. Apparently that wasn't good enough for her.
What she did is what any sadistic MIL would do. Call my husbands ex and invite her to lunch and a shopping trip. It's not bad enough that she has never invited me to do that with her, but she decided to start trouble. She told the ex that I had told her that she was a terrible mom, that she slept around with everyone, and that she would not be welcome around our family. She told her that I was trying to ruin DH relationship with his son, and not allow my SS around the baby. NONE OF THAT WAS TRUE!!
So guess what? DH gets a phone call from his ex chewing him out. Saying he can't see his son anymore. Calling me every name in the book. I was so upset.
I couldn't see and was rushed to the hospital with Bp out the roof that night. Had my son the next day.
I'm sure you are probably aware that my MIL was the last person I wanted to see. When my son was a month old I decided to have my MIL and FIL over for her to apology and to lay down the law about her and my husbands ex.
She said she's sorry I felt jealous of her taking the ex out, but she didn't say anything that wasn't true. Then I told her through gritted teeth that I was her DIL whether she liked it or not and while she can see her grandson anytime she wishes but not take out the mother and start trouble. She agreed.
3 weeks later she called me asking If she could stop by and see my son. I said no because it was my moms birthday and I was taking her out. Phone call ends.
She calls again. "I was just going to tell you that you don't need to worry about not being able to see me (ha! Like I was worried lol), but I was calling you to tell you that I asked [exs name here] and SS to go with me."
I didn't answer for a second, then I finally asked ," why are you taking his ex out? Why not just your grandson?"
"Well it's not very fun going to lunch with a 4 year old, so I invited her for company."
I ended up calling her a liar after she repeatedly told me that she can do what she wants.
My DH actually called his mom. He told her that he didn't like it either, and apparently she was 'near tears.' Yeh right. Alligator tears
She sent me a text saying that I should respect my elders.
Seriously? Now she's the victim! She promised me that she wouldn't take her out anymore!
Well needless to say, I blocked her number and told my husband I will let her back in on my time. I need time to try and forgive.
She had overnighted a letter. It was addressed to David with bible verses about how he's head of the household and rules over his wife lol then it said "ps. I would be very proud if your wife was a big girl and indulged in forgiveness."
Really? I ignored it and kind I'd laughed about how ridiculous she could be.
Then this morning. My husband came in the house, his face white. "Moms coming over to drop off some mail."
Needless to say, I freaked.
I made my husband call her back and tell her the truth. That I wasn't ready. She told him, "she's your wife. You own her. Make her listen."
WTF???
What would you guys do in this situation.
My husband has been pouting today saying that he can't see his family now because of me (even though he can go and see them anytime), and on the other spectrum she is so openly mean to me I don't want to be around it. She's the only stress in my life besides being a new mom.
Would you guys have her over this weekend? Or wait until you were ready?
When you are ready, have her
When you are ready, have her over or meet somewhere.
However, she is a grown woman and can associate with whomever she chooses. When she lies about you, that is the situation you deal with...not her going out with former DIL. The sad part is that she doesn't respect her son enough to avoid the ex. That is HIS problem to deal with, not yours.
Your husband needs to grow a pair, stand up for you, and stop pouting. He needs to know how much you have been hurt. If he doesn't care, that is an issue to be dealt with. He shouldn't be so whipped by his mommy and ex that he can't stand up for you and demand a respectful relationship between everyone. No one has to like each other, but there are children involved and no one needs the conflict.
You are playing as many games
You are playing as many games with her as she is with you. You BOTH need to grow up.
Absolutely!!!
Absolutely!!!
I've been trying for 2 years
I've been trying for 2 years now to fix my relationship with my MIL
It takes two to "fix" a relationship. Do you really think you're going to change her after she's (probably) behaved this way for 50, 60 years? And after two years of your efforts as well?
When you wrestle with a pig, you both get muddy. But the pig likes it.
I think I'd consider disengaging with MIL. Be happy, live well, ignore her. If not for you, then for your baby who will benefit from a happy, living well mom.
When you wrestle with a pig,
When you wrestle with a pig, you both get muddy. But the pig likes it.
Love it.
Oh this is awful....But, I
Oh this is awful....But, I have the worst MIL in the world. She is Bipolar and a walking disaster (never medicated). She threatened to kill me in a 5 star restaurant with a knife while calling me a "money grubbing whore". Accused me of many things. Has embraced the ex and my extranged SD18.
She is not welcome here. My husband has backed my play and cut off his family. He is going to go out to their state this summer to see his dad. It has been about 5 years. They are a package deal. He will stay with his brother and I am estranged from all of them as well. I want him to see them, I just do not want my BS or myself ever to have to see these people again. Maybe at a funeral, but that is it.
You can cut her out of your life. You just need to be adamant with your husband and he needs to take his wifes side. No blaming you. His mom is evil and manipulative and he needs to recognize that.
My husband did. He kept telling me to ignore it, but when she went off on him, that is when he cut her off. Now I just get what we here call "psycho mail" from time to time, cards that make no sense. They get laughed at and generally tossed.
Omg! What a crazy
Omg! What a crazy woman!!!!!
And yeh. I think my husband is doing the same thing. This last time I put her on speaker phone so he could see how rude she was being. His mouth dropped because she acts completely different when he's around . Lol he was leaving for work a little late because clients canceled so she didn't think he would be there.
I felt really good when my DH finally said, "she's doing it. She wants you to hate her so she can play victim."
So while he's pouting because he feels sad because he feels like I'm a "better person" than her and I should just ignore it.
I'm just so done with it. My DH had his son when he was 18... So when I met him and married him at 21, I was young and stupid and really didn't understand his cultish mother.
I'm a Christian too, but I don't think it's fair to hate me simply because your son remarried. I have kids involved too
This is a tough situation.
This is a tough situation. MIL is your husband's mother and grandmother of his and your children.
However, your DH needs to bare his mother's ass on her toxic crap clearly, firmly and effectively each and every time she plays her crap by tying a knot in her tail and cinching it tight every time she behaves disrespectfully to him or to you. As for how MIL treats or engages with the XW, who gives a shit?
MIL can associate with whoever she wishes. Not your problem. As for MILs lies and manipulations, you bare her ass directly also. Bare her ass to the XW as the liar she is when MIL tries to inflame the XW with her bullshit.
You are part of the problem in this as is your DH. He needs to put a hand between his legs, grab a big handful of man-sack and man up with mommy IMHO.
If your MIL wants to play bible verse bingo or battling scripture then beat her at her own game. Send her counter scriptures about a man leaving mommy's tit to bond with his wife, etc, etc, etc...... and the evils of incest................. Add some references to psychological syndromes, toxic personality disorders, etc... for good measure. But do not lose your cool.
Let her know clearly that she is welcome to engage with your family as a grandmother when she is ready to behave in adult and acceptable manner. If she complies, then engage. If she does not comply, bring the pain. You can forgive her without tolerating continued manipulative toxic bullshit.
IMHO of course.
Of course, he can see his
Of course, he can see his family, and he can do it without you.
I have never met my MIL, she died before I met my DH, but his older sister became very jealous of my relationship with her brother. What did I do? Nothing. I stopped going over there and my DH's relationship with her was between them. And it was not his number one priority, as she soon found out.
She eventually realized that I was not going anywhere and we are okay now, but not as close as we once were (I had known her for 10 years before I even met my husband).
Since your MIL is so great with the bible verses, she should also know that a man leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife. His wife is now his immediate family.
She wants her son all to
She wants her son all to herself. And she will do anything to make that happen. I'm going to get flamed with what I'm about to say. If you guys are on decent terms with bm, talk to bm. It can inoculate you from any more screaming fit calls and I bet mil pulled some shit with her. It is pretty boring eating lunch with a 4yo, but I don't believe mil either. While it would be uncomfortable to watch a relationship between in laws and ex, don't let it get to you, ignore the old battle axe. She has to remain on good terms with bm to see gs without your dh.
OMFG!#$%#%#5 These women just
OMFG!#$%#%#5 These women just are PURE evil! I am so very sorry for what you went through before your baby was born and still are going through. I went through many of the same FERE#$%$cing things because of MIL. I have no words at this point. All I can say is that will forever regret not leaving AT THAT TIME. By staying all it has done is made DH and our bio-son closer and for bio-son to get used to living with both of us, which means it will disrupt his life much more now to leave…had I done it before, it might have been more "normal" to have to homes…who knows. I will tell you that these women NEVER stop. They get better for a while, but NEVER do they truly stop.
Thank you everyone, I think
Thank you everyone, I think I'm just going to relax and deal with my 4 month old for a month, then see if she is able to come over and act like a normal adult. I don't want to keep my DS away from his grandmother, I just don't want him to grow up In a toxic environment either. He's too young to understand, but when he's older he's going to start to understand. She attacking not just me, but him as well.
When my son was a month old she brought clothes over for my son and my SS.
She got my SS Ralph Lauren. She got my son 3 goodwill outfits with the tags still on them.
Now I understand it's the thought that counts, but she has been punishing my son because he's related to me since the beginning.
Not to mention, the lady just was left a million dollars from her husbands mother..: which she was supposed to give a part to her kids. Do you think she helped us out? Lol she bought us a doormat . Literally
I'm just tired of her trying to upset me. She tries little things to hurt my feelings all the time. No I don't care anymore about what she thinks, but every time the woman goes anywhere she starts trouble. That's why her and my DH told her not to go out with the ex because she made a regular civil relationship between the Ex and us terrible.
(No subject)
:sick: