Hey everyone. I am new to the site but I was desperate to try and find some answers regarding my bio 3 year old son lashing out against my soon to be husband to his bio dad's family.

Here s a little background. My son's father and I have been done for little over 2 years now. I met an amazing man who I recently moved in with and got engaged to after an year and a half of dating. My fiance has a wonderful 6 year old daughter who he has joint custody of and I have my 3 year old son who I have full custody of and who sees his father 3 days a week.

Over the last month or so, every time my son would come back from his supervised visitation with his father, he would ignore and lash out at my fiance and tell me he hates me. He has even started hitting me again when he is upset. When my son goes to his aunts house for his father's visits he gets to play with is three cousins and do WHATEVER it is they want to do (jump off coffee tables, scream and yell at each other with no consequences, etc.) My sons cousins are not disciplined at all and his father just doesn't care how he acts because he "only has him for 2 hours, his mom can deal with it."

My fiance is a military man and we run a very orderly home. We have a defined structure but also make sure we put the kids first. We frequently do family game nights, movie nights, and take time to spend quality time with our bio children separate of our step children at least once a week - known as daddy & mommy "dates." (these are usually a day at chucky cheese or out for lunch in the park, etc with the bio parent.) We do a ton of family outings all together like our trip to mount hood, Going to the movies, going to amusement parks, etc.

SO HERE'S THE BIG NEW PROBLEM: My three year old in an attempt to stay at his dads with his bio grandparents and his aunt/cousins, told everyone there that my fiance hits him. His bio grandparents flipped out and are threatening to take me to court. Even my Ex doesn't believe it is true, he has met my fiance and spent time with all of us over the course of the year +. I know my fiance has never laid a hand on my son or his daughter and that his accusation was an attempt by my son, who knows hitting is bad, to stay at his dads.The extent of our "discipline" is time outs. If the situation is really bad or keeps being repeated, TV and privileges are suspended (usually for like an hour..Only rarely is it taken away for the whole day.) So I have several questions....

How do you discipline a child who doesn't understand the ramifications of his actions when he says something like that?

How do I make my Fiance understand that my son doesn't hate him, he just misses his father (but under court order, he can't see him anymore then he already does.)?

These accusations are creating a "rift" between my son and my fiance & step - daughter which I can feel is mounting into a big blow up that hasn't happened yet. I know my fiance understand that he is only 3 but it hurts him non the less and so he wants less & less to do with my son which is causing resentment between me and him on how he acts around my son. How do you fix that- cause talking about it isn't working so well at the moment?

Is this thing with my son a "phase?" I'm sorry but my son's father is not all that great and I pray one day my son my see that and understand how much better of a man my fiance is.

and Lastly - how do I deal with his bio grandparents? No matter what I say (or my ex for that matter) it doesn't seem to make a difference.