A little venting...
...a little ranting.
Last night DW asked me if SS14 could have a fiend over for a sleepover last night. She said they'll be quiet back in SS's room, won't interrupt at all.
OK.
The kid showed upabout 8:30pm, was an on-again, off-again rainy night. About 9pm, they were outside playing basketball pretty noisily in the rain, bashing the ball off of my garage door, and DW saw I wasn't really happy about that, so we went inside. Problem for me, she downplays the noisiness and destructiveness and makes it out like I'm being overly protective of "stuff." As I see it, if it's something I own, bought, or take care of, then these kids just break it or misuse it, OF COURSE, I will have a problem. I take pride in my home and belongings, worked hard for it all, and THE LAST thing I need is someone inside the family being a careless jerk with it, ESPECIALLY when he/they have ZERO RESPONSIBILITIES. DW has been allowing her kids to live like it's a vacation resort while we work our tails off to keep it going.
Then, about 10pm, our Ring camera detected motion and alerted, and it was these boys playing basketball AGAIN, in the rain, barefoot. I said to DW, it's late, a work night, maybe time to have them come back in. "No, I don't think so." I could see on the camera they were being rambunctious, so I just put my phone on airplane mode and let it go. Then, about 10:30, DW went out to tell them to come in. They stayed outside longer.
Come to find out, they threw the ball at the camera and knocked it off the garage.
I'm livid. So I think when DW asks me to fix it, I'll say, "Woah... Not my kid. Your kid just broke something, and that makes you responsible. What are you gonna do about it? If it was the neighbor's house, what would you do?"
Thoughts?
You married a ball-less
You married a ball-less wonder of a parent didn't you.
Time to bring the pain. Apply escalating unpleasant consequences in an age appropriate manner. If DH doesn't like how you parent and discipline he can step up and get it done before you have to or he can STFU and have your back. His choice.
Bring the pain.
She's a flight attendant and
She's a flight attendant and works about a week or two out of the month. I'm a manager and work M-F, basically 9-5. She's had almost a month off, and bc her Ex is wanting to work OT, she's volunteered to have Thing 1 and Thing 2 stay with us, which was a unilateral decision. I woulda said, "What? No, week-on, week-off, make it happen. Only in really unusual circumstances will I break from that, mmkay?"
I guess I'm not a hypervigilant prick, which makes me come across as ball-less online, but I think I'm getting burned out here... but on 7/21, Thing 1 and Thing 2 will be over at their dad's for a solid week, and I will make it clear just before they leave, THEY ARE NOT WELCOME to come over while their mom is on her trip. They'll need to get all their crap that they'll need and have it there, and I will be locking the house up TIGHT, every day. Thinking... "Got a problem, babe? Well, you're just being overly protective. Your kids need to learn some responsibility, and if you won't let them learn it here, they can learn it at their dad's."
I was referring to your wife
I was referring to your wife being the ball-less parent. My comment was before I realized you are a StepDad. I thought you were a StepMom. *unknw*
'Saul Good, man!
'Saul Good, man!
Be very direct with her that
Be very direct with her that her kid is not to throw his ball against your garage again. And her kid is to pay for the damage.
Ehh... not so easy. I've
Ehh... not so easy. I've taken to just *leaving* their messes and broken stuff so she can see it, work it out, etc. IOW, letting her be the single mom with me living there LOL. She'll see. This is "gentle tough love."
I'm pretty sure your SS and
I'm pretty sure your SS and dw will claim it was an accident. Even if that's the case, if this was your neighbors house they would be responsible.
I would not press the fact that it was intentional. Just stress that it needs to be fixed within a week. Who pays for it is not your problem. Let your dw figure that out.
I also think it's reasonable that step kids should not be in your home while your dw is away just so her ex can work over time. Not your problem.
And no more guests on work nights. Period. You gave SS a fair chance and he proved he can't be quiet so that privilege is out the window.
DW said it was an accident.
DW said it was an accident. My ResponseGun has been chambered with "You cay accidents, I say negligence."
I saw SS rolling the recycling bin to the cam to try to put it back up and of course, that's DUMBA$$ move on his part. She stopped him. Next day, I walked right past it and went to work. That afternoon, she got out a ladder and put it back up, then when I got home, she said he fixed it. I said, "Well, no, I saw the video - YOU did it." She said, "Well, he was TRYING last night, so he was making the effort." I said, "Isaw the video of him knocking it down, then the video of him rolling the recycling bin and you stopping him - let's admit it, he really shouldn't stand on top of something like that because it's dangerous. But he didn't fix it, YOU did." Thing is, I want him to learn a sense of accountability. You can take risks and do things, but if you screw up, you won't get a spanking - I'll expect these kids to come up with a plan to make it right. That's a life skill. I discussed that with her, and I cited her mirror with her teen years bedroom suit that she broke while having a party while her folks were out of town and she went to the local window repair store on her own and paid for it herself. She sheepishly agreed, that was a learning experience for her and was worth it - and these are things that, when teens don't learn how to "make things right," they'll be adults who have no conscience and will do "hit and run accidents" and will be generally irresponsible problem people.