kids don't get along
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. He has two kids 6 and 8. I have two 14 and 7. He says he isn't ready to move in with me because of my youngest. He says that until our kids can get along 90% of the time, he will not move forward. When we are together with the kids, we are always at my place. My youngest sometimes has issues with sharing and being kind. It is a work in progress. I have said the reason they don't get along all the time is because they don't understand what is going on. They are at my house all the time but it isn't daddy's or theirs. That they would get along better if they had their own space and knew my house was their home when they were with dad. He says it would be insane to move in together because they fight and his solution is to minimize contact. He says my kid is a good kid, he just doesn't like his behavior. My child will tell his children things like, that's mine, no you can't play with it even if he isn't playing with it, if you don't play this way then I won't play type of stuff. No physical or yelling type of behavior.My boyfriend has had issues with my son's behavior from the beginning saying he has an only child mentality. My son has since improved greatly in his behavior, largely in part I believe to just getting older. Boyfriend says his kids don't behave that way and when it is just them he has no issues that his kids behave and get along. I know I wasn't as strict as I should have been with my youngest but I have improved and so has my son. His daughter had a meltdown today because her brother wasn't doing what she wanted. My boyfriend said she is just tired. His place is too small to have all of us over. My place has much more room. So that is why we come to my house. I have suggested having his kids have some of their stuff at my place, but I also don't want to be in a situation where he has all the perks of living with me without having to have any of the responsibility, He acts like my place is his when it is convenient, but will throw the kids getting along into the mix when I bring up moving in,
So I understand that all you
So I understand that all you want is to have a big happy family together, but like you said the kidssdon't understand what's going on. If you make your bf move in together, your house will be communal grounds. Your son will hate you, him and his kids because in his mind he didn't ask for this, why should he have to share or play with these strangers?
Doesn't the arguing get on your nerves now? Isn't all that putting a strain in your relationship now? It's only gonna get worse if they move in. The fighting is gonna keep happening, your bf will be even more stressed, when you feel sick and you really just want silence you won't be able to tell them to go away. I am not trying to be mean or put you down, I am really just trying to help.
In my case, my dh's son7 always finds a time when no one is listening and tells my daughter 5 that she's stupid, and that he's better than her. I've heard him say stuff like "you will never be my sister, he's MY dad, you have no dad." Can you believe this?? We have had to have constant talks to both about what a blended family is but as soon as the step kids go back home, their mom tells them I am evil and not to play with my daughter, etc.... it's hard, the kids will make you wanna run away.
iMo lol
This is so sad. I have been
This is so sad. I have been through this with my boys. They found it really hard being expected to share their space, their toys, everything and often without permission as though things were suddenly communal. And on top of that being accused of having problems with sharing (they had NO problems sharing with other kids, cousins, etc).
It has only improved by the skids spending less time here. I also insist that they bring toys here so that they can feel less like invaders and aren't always having to ask to borrow stuff and my kids can feel a little less threatened about their stuff. Children are territorial, smmelissa is absolutely right. Go out to neutral places. If you move in together (I wouldn't, ever) the experts say you should move into a new "blended" home.
Girl those kids are going to
Girl those kids are going to fight, and as they get older there will be different things to fight about. For him to expect them to get along 90% of the time is completely unrealistic. You guys need to look at what they are fighting about and not the fact they are fighting. Fighting about toys and not sharing is very typical, any kid will fight about that whether is the kid down the street or your boyfriends kid. Maybe your boyfriend just isn't ready to take the next step and is using the kids as an excuse. Whatever it is focus on the important issues....things are going to get really hard and these children will test both of your alls patience is ways ypu never imagined. Make sure both of you all are ready for the same commitments.
Your bf is wiser than I am.
Your bf is wiser than I am. My Dh's daughter is the most selfish child I have ever met in my entire life. Why would your bf want to subject his children to your son's selfishness? Plus, if they moved in with you, can't you hear your son saying, "it's MY house, not yours"!!! Your son will probably grow out of it if you aren't afraid to correct him.
Like your bf, my Dh makes excuses for my SD's behavior. "She's tired" is a good standby.
If I were you, I'd be damn happy you are not all living together. Kids not getting along can KILL a marriage.