You are here

is it just me?

blessed3412's picture

I feel like an outsider with everybody but my husband. We have his one my two and then ours together. I have my two from my first marriage all the time. He had his one every other week. I am having a hard time dealing with his ex and my mother in law. On top of my own insecurities it is not helping. His ex wife calls my house every day. Doesn't sound like much but if we don't pick up she will call back over and over every 5 minutes till we pick up. She constantly criticises me in front of her child. My son got into some legal trouble because her child made some allegations at school and when the police finally questioned her she told them her mother told her to say it so she could go live with her. She constantly wants to change the custody arrangements that they agreed on and swap days as she calls it at least once a nth. She gets mad if my husband doesn't want to go to doctors appointment was with her and says he don't care about his child. She calls my mother in law and tells her lies which is where we wil now go onto her. She was great until we had our son. All I heard in the beginning is how much she hated the ex and all these lies she told on her and caused her nothing but problems then the tables turned. I noticed she always was yelling at my daughter and one day when I asked her she told me in front of the whole family she would never love my kids her bio grandson with me included as much as she did my husband bio daughter. I let that go at first for the kids but then one day she whipped my daughter and left bruises on her leg. I called DSS and filed a report. I also then made the decision my children would not go back to her house. Then she started calling his ex wife and arranging to pick up his daughter before 6 on Fridays of her week so when it was time to pick her up at six she was already there. That wouldn't have been a problem if when I went to get her at the request of my husband I was told she didn't have to listen to me and I want leaving with her. I let that go to for a while then just the other day my husband called to bring her home and my mil wanted to keep her he said no and by 5 I was getting calls from my sister in law saying I didn't want the child here anyway and I was going to quit acting and my husband shouldn't have had any more kids after his daughter. I didn't even have anything to do with it and I'm somehow the bad guy. Now because of that I put a stop to our son together from going down there because I am afraid they will say something negative about me in front of him or take out their dislike for me out on him. It's really taking a tole on me. I cringe c every time my husband calls his daughter when our week comes to have her. Just her being in my house makes me so upset. I don't mean to be upset at her and I need to find a way to fix it because I find myself trying to avoid her now and it was not like that in the beginning. Help me find a way to step up for myself and my kids but keep the peace. Help help help! My husband has tried the talking to both of them and it just makes it worse.

Disneyfan's picture

I don't know how you made it past your son getting into legal trouble because of BM. That would have been the end for me.

Sparklelady's picture

Oh dear. I think you might need professional help, both from a lawyer and from a counselor to help you handle the situation. This is a complicated and messed up situation for sure. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this.

blessed3412's picture

The only thing holding me here is my husband. My ex doesn't have anything to do with my daughter and the one time I talked about divorce was over the legal problems. My daughter overheard it and freaked our. I don't want to put her through anymore pain and my husband is a great dad to them. My ex sees my son maybe once every three months and he is not a good role model. I thought my cistern and I staying away from his family would be enough but they still blame me when I want nothing to do with any of them anymore. I just go to my room and cry like a five year old because t they are so mean. I don't want to leave my husband but I think he needs to be meaner worth them. Nether one of us are confrontational people and I'm trying hard. Would freaking out one good time help or hurt the situation?

mannin's picture

Both BM and the in-laws are dysfunctional at best.

Toxic people do not belong in your life or the lives of your children. I would disengage from the BM and the family. Also, I agree with seeing a therapist and a lawyer.

blessed3412's picture

Her daughter is right! I had a family member tell me they knew the situation before I came around and that she should have been my mil bio daughter because she always has treated my husband like he was the ex in law to her since the split. It shocked me because of what my mil made it seem like before my baby was born. It is really sad Sad

blessed3412's picture

I am afraid when I do finally blow its going to be catastrophic. Since this started I've been put on blood pressure medicines and have to be seen every two weeks. Therapy is actually a good idea. I have thought about it before now but figured I was just being a baby and I needed to suck it up and deal with it but honestly I am running out of ideas.

Sparklelady's picture

Therapy is NOT for babies. It takes a strong person to recognize that they need an outsider to help them work through all the crap that's going on. And you are dealing with some serious crap.

Remember, you are not alone, and you have all this support right here. But there's only so much we can do for you by listening - making changes is going to take some action on your part. Do not feel guilty about that!

blessed3412's picture

Thank you it means a lot to hear I'm not just over reacting to it as they love to call it.and I really hate you are going through that but I do find comfort in the fact I am not alone in dealing with stuff like this.

Rags's picture

Time to invoke call blocking on BM. No open communication from her to anyone in your home ever. If she wants to communicate with her daughter when on visitation to your home she can call BioDad's cell.

As for the fabricated charges against your son, did you put BM in jail and SD into foster care? When your MIL kidnapped your SD did your DH have his mother' toxic ass thrown in jail? He should have.

I would have zero tolerance for that crap and I would have come down on both all of these toxic morons like like a ton of shit in a one pound bag. Brind the pain. It is the only thing these idiots understand. Make being reasonable the only tolerable option for them by making anything else painful legally, financially and by embarrassing the shit out of them publicall. When they pull their toxic crap have the police lined up in front of their houses with the flashing lights going so that all of their neighbors know that they are up to their usual toxic crap.

It worked for us in getting my SS's Sperm Clan under control. Ruing the opposition socially, financially and legally tends to get the message accross and at least get the toxic opposition to crawl and stay under their rock.

Good luck.

blessed3412's picture

I filed a false police report charge against the mother and it did stick. As for my mil whipping my daughter I called DSS and filed a report and they had to cone out and investigate her. They said they could not file charges because I had already made arrangements for her to no longer go around my children so there wasn't any immediate danger. Honestly I think bucking them is why they are getting harder and harder on me. As for my contact I don't answer the phone for them I don't call them but how I wind up in contact is through other family calling my phone and blocking their number and texting me. I have the text on my phone my sil left after she called and blessed me out. I have seriously thought about taking it to the police but I already have enough drama with the mil and the ex and this is the only run in I have had with her. I know my mil had to tell her lies because up until then I have never had any problems with his sister. She was actually one of the two closest friends I have. We were friends long before my husband and I ever knew each other. It hurts to think she would believe he mother because she does know me very well I thought and for years now. And to respond to a comment somebody made on my post because it apparently posted twice. I have and do stand up for my children but I know if I get a criminal record or show my temper it can be used against me regarding my kids and one thing I live for is my kids. They deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy and my husband is an awesome loving man but I do think you are right he needs to grow some balls and that is an argument we have had more than once.