If I knew then, what I know now...
I have had so many issues with my SO's son and his ex that if I knew then what I know now, I think I would have run a mile. I love SO but the crap I've been put through, whilst pregnant also, is disgusting IMO.
I'm a prisoner in my own room when SS is around as I've been blocked from looking after him, so I have now washed my hands of it all. He tells tales to his mother about how awful I am and how he only comes here because we want him to entertain our DD (9 months old)! The truth is that I don't want him near her as his hygiene standards are appalling!
I feel guilty for SO about the way I feel about his son. From reading these forums, it seems I'm not the only one who loathes and resents their step kids. I thought I was abnormal, hating a 7 year old (doesn't help that he's the spitting image of his mother with her disgusting attitude).
How do I stop the guilt? I would never take on someone else's kids again after this, unless they were old enough to leave home. Been almost a year and a half of hell.
Is it normal to think back and, even though I love our bio daughter dearly, sometimes wish I'd never met him?
Why are you having kids?
Why are you having kids? You've got what a decade to go with this situation and boy its going to get worse. You've got two kids now right? One breathing and one in the womb. Get permanent sterilization after birth and figure out some way to keep from being held prisoner in your own home. Maybe he could take the kid to a motel every weekend.
Thank you for that. Until I
Thank you for that. Until I found this site I felt abnormal. I am trying to do my best and just deal with the times I can't control with getting away from the situation.
No, we were careless once and now have our beautiful daughter, who I wouldn't be without, not that I should have to be 'permanently sterilised' on his or anyone else's say so, but I have made very sure that I will not be having any more children bought into this situation. Apart from his messed up son, and he is messed up in many ways - as is the BM and her own daughter, my SO has an illness which can effect the health of a foetus (this illness happened when DD was 6 months old).
It seems many people lock themselves away, I don't think I'm alone in that.
I'm pretty sure I would not
I'm pretty sure I would not remarry if I had known the truth and reality of stepfamily life. My husband just can't love my kids; he is cold and inattentive and they know he doesn't love them. He was pretty good with them for a couple of years but I guess it was an act and he couldn't keep it up, I dunno. I am guilt-ridden much of the time b/c he is very, very good to me but not to them. Thousands of tears, late nights and lengthy prayers have gone into this. I am scarred for life b/c of this pain. It has broken my heart having my kids in this situation. I feel trapped; if I divorced him it would uproot them again (first husband left me); they are 17 and 14 and they tell me to stay with him b/c he obviously loves me, and they won't be here forever. When they're not around we are great and we literally NEVER argue except about them. But watching him with them just KILLS me; hurts my heart, feels like a punch in the gut to see that they are not loved and valued in their own home. I think people should talk to real stepfamilies before making this decision. I had no idea. I had a good man, I thought, a rock. But you can't force feelings that aren't there.
I understand how hard it must
I understand how hard it must be for you, even though I am the flip side of the coin.
Even talking to step-families, it would have made no difference for me as I went into this thinking I could be SS's friend and confidante, when in actual fact, I am now just a target for him. Everything that's wrong in his life (mum & dad not together, BM working too much and him being passed from pillar to post), my DD and I are to blame for.
I used to get on really well with him, but he just turned nasty.
We are attempting to turn things around, but he doesn't live with us and doesn't have to be around me if he doesn't want.
I wish you all the best in your situation.