First off, I have to say that I’ve cruised this forum sporadically for a couple of years and I think this is the best forum I have ever come across in terms of support and such.  Generally speaking people here aren’t judgmental.  This community helped me a few years back with some questions about an ex-girlfriend of mine.  I didn’t end up moving in with her as we eventually split but it wasn’t because of her children.

 Anyway, in the middle of last year my current girlfriend was in a difficult situation and I opened my home up to her.  We had been dating for about six months and in my mind I was thinking, “Our relationship works!”  She was living with her sister and she had been saying that the situation at her sister’s was causing her children to act out and such and that they’re angels and well behaved.  Well, shortly after she moved in her two daughters became part of the picture.  I figured out very quickly that the problem with her children acting out had little to do with the environment they were living in but in reality had everything to do with who they are.

 I love my girlfriend but I’m ashamed to admit I really don’t like her kids.  The younger one (7 years old) I kinda like but the older one (9 years old) I don’t like….or maybe I should say I have no respect for.  She’s a little Ms. Pouty-pout.  You’d think she was living in a 3rd world country by the way she acts sometimes.  They act far younger than their actual ages and quite frankly their mother enables the behavior.  I have never in my life seen two children treat a parent so badly.  I had initially setup rules and consequences for when those rules were broken but after about three or four times my girlfriend wasn’t cool with it.  I setup the rules because one day with the constant whining and complaining I lost my temper and raised my voice and yelled at her kid to get out.  So, she went from crying because she wasn’t getting her way to crying because I scared the crap out of her.  I felt badly because they’re not my kids but I felt established consequences need to be set for bad behavior in the house.  Consequences I could enforce on my own when I saw fit.  Namely, if they act up I give them a warning to stop.  If they don’t stop they lose TV privileges for the day.  They have their shows they like to watch like most kids and I felt that was an adequate punishment to remind them there are consequences for bad behavior.  Well, like I said that probably lasted for 3 or 4 instances then every time I tried to do something she got in the way of it, told me she would handle it.  Well, that ultimately meant her girls suffering no consequence for bad behavior and it’s been this way for six months. 

What’s bad behavior?  How about screaming at their mother when something isn’t going their way.  How about actually hitting their mother.  How about that on many mornings the girls throw a fit about waking up to go to school.  That one aggravates me the most.  I feel like saying, “Every f***ing day it’s the same thing!  You wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and go to school!  That’s how it is in life so suck it up buttercup!”  These behaviors have caused them to be late to school which in turn on some days have caused her to be late to work…..yet later on in the evening after a hug and an “I’m sorry” it’s the same.  No consequence. 

I actually started writing this prior to coming home. I have since arrived home and have left in search of peace and quiet. I slept poorly and have felt nauseous all day. I just wanted to come home and sleep in peace and quiet. My girlfriend asked if there was anything she could do. I said she could turn the TV off. Her girls were watching TV really loudly. It's a nightly thing and a thing I'm sick of. She smarted off with a comment and didn't turn down the TV. I walked out of my own home and I'm very upset. I have, as of tonight, come to the realization this situation I'm in works GREAT for her and the girls but it's really not great for me. The girls get all the benefits of living under my roof but none of the consequences of breaking my rules. My girlfriend has the comfort and security of my love and my roof without feeling the need to.....I don't know.....allowing me some peace and quiet when I come home from a long day.

I'm selfish for how I like things in my own home. I can admit I have a fault for not being very yielding in terms of rules and such. I'm more than willing to open and share my home but I should have made it clear it has to be on my terms....and I don't think my terms are difficult. My boys have to follow them. One house one set of rules IMO.

I'm saddened that if things don't change that it could spell the end of this relationship and the worst part is that she won't see it coming. For as stern as I may sound I don't speak with her that way. I've been very gentle in expressing myself. I don't believe in resorting to threats and ultimatums. I mean, if I've expressed concerns several times and nothing is done then in my view it's not important enough to her.

If you've made it this far thank you. If not, thank you.