I may have made a mistake.
I apologize for this being a long post. I'm new and in desperate need of support.
I fell for a man with 2 kids from a previous relationship. He was supporting his ex and his kids 100% due to the ex being a stay at home mother. She started working; becoming financially independent, and the plan between them was that they would split custody 50/50. He would then move in with me and continue to support them until she was completely financially stable. But things don't usually go as planned. She caused an incident which lead to an eviction from their apartment. She wasn't saving up her money, so obviously the children had to go with the father and me, which I knew was a possibility from early on. I kept a distance and did not attempt to parent the kids, but they became adjusted at my place within a month. Their father voiced his desire for me to be a mother figure to them. Their mother would and continues to only call them once a week. I want to also add that she has never spoken to me and has no interest in communicating with me, which I find bizarre. What invested mother doesn't want to know anything about who is caring for their children? Anyway.. I instantly accepted the responsibility.
... I got distracted and didn
... I got distracted and didn't realize save meant post, haha. To continue, and try to make this short, the children have been badly parented. Their boundaries are terrible. They are severely affected by the neglect from their mother, but they are obsessed with her. They want nothing to do with me. I made Christmas happen for them, and I have completely supported the whole family since they have moved in, but they don't respect me. I feel no connection for them, and I feel guilty for it. I love their father deeply and I want them to have a good, stable home life, and to help them, which I know I'm capable of doing... but I ask myself the question, is it worth the alienation, guilt, and frustration?
Honestly, no it’s not.
Honestly, no it’s not.
I'm supporting the family
I'm supporting the family right now because my boyfriend originally lived out of state and lost his job during the abrupt move here. We don't have any way to get them child care at the moment due to having to go through DHHS and the BM to get medical insurance set up for them to get updated immunizations and identification cards. I don't have any family or friends in the area that would regularly babysit them either. I apologize for not clarifying this before.
The kids are 2 and 4, of
The kids are 2 and 4, of course they want and love their Mom. Yep even if she is not a really great mother. It's all they have ever known.
Your BF has no right to just hand you two very small kids and tell you to be their mother nor their mother figure They have two parents, a father and a mother. You are neither. It's his job to care for and make things happen for his children.
If no custody or CO has really be done yet, do I assume your BF and the children's mother are still married (perhaps legally separated, but still a long way off from divorced)? Are you going to pay for that too?
You're 28, still plenty of time to find a nice gentleman who has his sh*t together and who can make a home and life with.
While you may madly 'love' this guy, I see a guy using you. For your stability. Your income. Your female potential to 'mother' his two very young children. You have lots to offer him, but what is he offering you? What I'm hearing is nothing but 'here, raise and support my kids for me, BM and I aren't capable'.
On no planet should a woman be supporting
Her boyfriend, his ex and their kids.
frankly thats not your responsibility or job. Its the parents fault for screwing up their finances and your boyfriend being such a pussy not firmly telling exwife to “get her shit together”.
my husband is loaded and exwife had not worked the 14 yrs they were married. She stole money out of his personal savings acct but hubby felt bad her being a cheapskate and all living in her parents place with their 3 kids tilk divorce was finalised so hubby bought a cheap 100K home for his daughters to live in and have privacy and their own room but the house is in his name. He has never paid for rent for the exwife ever... even if she tried to manipulate and guilt him he wouldn’t care. The exwife was responsible for paying utilities as she lived there and used i assume some child support money to cover it
thats as far as his generosity goes and no way should you not be able to tell your boyfriend that his kids behave considering you’re financially the one allowing them to have a roof on their head and food on the table or they’d be out on the streetd
No, no, no, no, no. Get
No, no, no, no, no. Get yourself out of this situation.
There is no "may" in this
There is no "may" in this situation. I hate to say this but ... you've been had. He started by using you to have a roof over his head (is he at least contributing for their share of expenses?). Now he wants you to take on the responsibility of a parent - nope, don't do it. The children already HAVE two parents, one has stopped doing behaving like one and the other one now wants to follow suit. Don't let it happen.
And be grateful that you don't have BM on your back ...
Your situation has major
Your situation has major alarm bells going off in my head and heart.
Please put on your "looking at another person's situation" glasses and read your origninal post. What would your advice to that person be if that person wasn't you?
My advice is that you not spend one penny on supporting your BF, his prior relationship spawn, and for damned sure not his XW. If your participartion frees up on cent of his money to go to BM and he sends it to her, he is not only not your equity life partner he is using you and you need to boot he and his spawn out the door.
You are not even married and he has you supporting him, his kids and his XW.
Don't continue to do this to yourself.
Please.
You wrote : I have completely
You wrote : I have completely supported the whole family since they have moved in, but they don't respect me.
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Where did you meet this guy? On line?
Yes you made a HUGE mistake. Tell him it's YOU not him and ask him to take his kids and leave. IF he refuses to leave, and have him evicted.
OR
Stay...you love the guy right? HE is all you ever wanted in a real man. No job, kids who who dont respect you. You taking over as a mom with out marriage and YOU are footing the bill. That is not my idea of a great anything.
Please go to a counselor for a few sessions and find out why YOU have agreed to this in the first place.
Is it the sex? or do you feel no one would want you besides HIM. Or both?
Yes. You made a mistake.
Yes. You made a mistake. But you don’t have to keep making it.
Call the locksmith, rekey the locks, and move on with your life taking this extremely important lesson forward with you.