I don't want to feel this way...
Happy monday everyone! I just want to say that I appreciate all your messages and words of advice on my previous post.
Just a brief background -- I am married to my high school sweetheart, both on our second marriages. I have 2 kids from my first marriage 12 and 10 - he has a 7 year old from a prior relationship. At first things were a nightmare, we fought mainly over his child. He was used to being an only child and is extremely whiney and a handful. My DH was always so protective over him and it was just a battle whenever he was over to visit.
Fast forward 2 years. We are currently TTC and plan on moving out of state in the next 5 years or so. His child and my son have created a tight bond. His son looks identical to his mother - and for some (immature) reason it makes me nuts. I have not made a connection to this child, and honestly do not want to. He is why DH and I have had some of the worst battles known. DH has done a complete 360 and treats my children as if they were his own. He recently said to me "i am raising your kids, and you don't even speak to mine." He is right. When his son comes over every other weekend and I literally say "hi" and "bye" to him. That is it. It is to the point that I dread those weekends - and it is so wrong. My DH has him every other weekend day visits -- on Saturday he works until 2 - and then takes his son for a couple of hours until 6-7 and then comes home to me. We live about 30 min from his son so it doesn't make sense to travel back and forth so when he gets out of work he takes him out for a couple of hours and then drops him off. Sundays - I am trying to make family days. We take all the kids out together -- as my kids live with me, but every other weekend they go with their dad. So off weekends its just DH and I and then we have the kids on same schedule.
Why do I get this knot and sickness in my stomach when it comes to "kids" weekends. It is wrong, I totally understand that. I can't help it. I am hoping someone can offer some advice or encouraging words so I can stop dreading these weekends and actually be happy about life.
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Why are you planning on
Why are you planning on moving out of state in the next 5 years when his kids is only 7? You think you have problems now just wait.
The child lives with his mom
The child lives with his mom and step dad. We are moving in 5-7 years.
...and his father sees him
...and his father sees him regularly. So first you say the next 5 years, and his son would be 12. Now you say 5 to 7 years so his son would be 12 to 14. Why would dad plan to move away from a son he sees regularly and is protective of? Especially during the teen years when his son is learning how to be a man?
He sees him every other
He sees him every other weekend. He will be old enough to decide if he wants to move and live with us, or stay with his mom and step dad. He will come visit us out of state often.
My brother lived 2000 miles
My brother lived 2000 miles away from his son from age 7 to 18. They remained very close and are to this day. After college my nephew moved to the West Coast where my brother then lived while his mother was on the East coast.
My nephew loves both of his parents (even though they have basically not spoken to each other for 25 years). As an adult he's probably spent more time with his father for holidays, etc. All holidays and summers were split while he was a child.
My exSIL is a lovely person. I visited her recently. She may hate my brother (or at least dislike him), but she did not raise her son to hate his father.
thank you to everyone for
thank you to everyone for your kind words. Tarabith -- thank you so much. I am not sure why it annoys me so much. He looks exactly like her. He whines OVER EVERYTHING -- and there has been such a bad past in terms of fights regarding anything to do with his child. Not to mention that his ex - was beyond crazy. She assured him she was on BCP and wasn't, and got pregnant with the son. I am currently in fertility treatments for us to have a child. I think that is a lot of my issue. He is very good to me and very good to my kids. I love him beyond words - but I am so mad that she has a baby with my soul mate, and I don't. Yet. Immature and wrong to say the least, but its the truth on how I feel. I just can't help it.
No advice but, right or
No advice but, right or wrong, your feelings are your feelings and should be validated. I have had similar feelings though about a stepson. I think it was partially because he did look like his mom and second, because my husband did change around him. Thank God, he grew up and now we have a better relationship.