I so feel your pain and I am in the same situation with my boyfriends 4 year old son. It is SO hard and if I ever do leave, I will NEVER get involved with someone who already has kids!

Hang in there

Posts like this make me think I am right when I am considering leaving him.... I totally agree if I leave I will never get involved with someone with kids either..

Maybe try to be overly nice to her and you can influence her personality since she is so young?

First of all, you are not a loser.

Your step daughter is only 3, so her behavior can (hopefully) be turned around but it will take her dad actually parenting her.

A lot of men do not interact well with babies. They are afraid of them or bored with them or whatever, but when the babies start walking and are really able to play, it usually changes.

Have you talked to your BF about your feelings and about the 3 year old's behavior?

Hang in there. Maybe you are also going through a little postpartum depression?

You are not a loser! Everyone makes mistakes and I am also one of them! I wish I had never gotten involved with a man with a child, I can't STAND my SD, just the THOUGHT of her drives me absolutely insane! I have been contemplating divorce for a WHILE now. The good thing is I don't have kids with my DH. If I were you, I would not get married to this man. Of course, he will always have to be in your life in some way because you share a child, but you don't have to be in a relationship with him. You and your kids deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation! Screw him!

normal feelings. these families SUCK.

Sending good thoughts and prayers for all of you and these innocent children, who didn't ask to be from broken homes. Hope you can find it in your heart to shower them with love and calm and a steady routine for them to thrive and grow.

My skid is a complete fuck up. No bio momma, nobody addressed all his needs at age 2 when they should have: (Autism, motor coordination disorder, vision problems, kidney problems, etc.) now i'm married to Dh and have to clean up everyone else's messes. I can't stand the kid, i wish BM would get off her heroin and methadone and come claim him and take him far, far away. He's a thorn in my side on EVERY level At least of we got $ for him every month that would help. do not feel bad. 95% of us DO NOT LIKE OUR SKIDS, they MAKE US MISERABLE. You are not alone!!!

I really can't stand my skids either. I love my DH so much and he wants to try and help his kids learn to be better behaved but just the thought of them being here brings me down. I just withdraw whenever they are around. They are so obnoxious.....NOTHING like I would have raised them to be. At first I tried to love them but the more I'm around them the more I can't stand them. It's like they are wild animals with no clue about any social etiquette at all. And they are old enough (11 and 6) to know better but they always look at us like we are so mean to expect them to be respectful to others.

I understand your frustrations. I have never had a son but I do have a daughter that is 4 and she whines, cries, manipulates throws tantrums etc perhaps it is in the gene pool for girls to be more emotionally reactive than boys. With that being said, does your BF help out with the baby at all? Maybe your feeling a little depressed because you just had a baby and maybe your bf isnt giving you the kind of help you need.
I think parents should treat their bio children equally, a baby needs more attention than a 7 year old. Im sure you treat your sons the same. When my daughters father had a new baby, my daughter had a hard time adjusting to the sibling and she still gets jealous over her sister(her grandparents told me) but whole heartedly loves her.
As for the child support being lowered I was worried about that being reduced as my ex continually nickled and dimed me, even tried to steal her child tax benefit etc. I read somewhere that the courts in Canada(but really its up to the judges discretion), "the courts work from a base assumption that separated or divorced parents should not have more children than they can afford to support.(http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/can-support-reduced-if-i-have-anot...).
Your not a loser for having 2 kids with 2 different fathers, theres quite a bit of an age difference between your older son and younger. With your BF not so much lol. SO that should give you some relief.
Everyone deserves a second or a third chance to be happy. Try to go to the gym, get happy. Kids are challenging and manipulating and sometimes we as the BIO Parents cant stand our own at times.
Start to do stuff for you and ask your boyfriend for more help, raising kids is harder than anyone ever told me! Good Luck!

Not to be rude but he didn't hide the chid until after you got prego did he? The child is 3. I had two of my flesh n blood kids act like that at 3 with constant correction! Baby daddy didn't have whole lot of time between BM #1 and BM #2. That's a lot of change for a toddler. New mom like person, step sibling, and a new half sibling. My four kids are 2 yrs, 15 months, and 3 years apart it was always hard when the new baby came home. So the behavior is normally to a degree and lots of changes to cope with.

I'm part of the 5% that LOVES my skid.

I do. I make damn sure to see it from my ss's view and from mine. I'm lucky his bm is a waste of space and hasn't been around until recently (to file for sole custody despite not seeing her son for a year). She lost, of course. We are pursuing me adopting him.

I can't even fathom my life without my husband or my ss. When I chose to be with my husband - I knew he was a package deal. PERIOD. I didn't come into the picture with me vs my ss. Seriously, get over it.

When you chose to be with someone who has a kid - YOU CHOSE IT. Stop pouting and whining. Leave or adjust your attitude. Period.

I had a wicked stepmother - trust me, I see both sides.

A 3 year old only acts the way you let them and demonstrate to them.

The original poster: You're not a loser, but you need to grow up. You chose to be with this man knowing he had a kid and you chose to get pregnant with this man. Suck it up and be a woman.

All 3 year old are annoying at times, but that's where they're at developmentally. Your baby will be 3 someday too.

I dont think OP is actually compalinging to the point of having people tell her to 'suck it up'. Yes we all knew DH's had kids when we got with them but everyones situation is diffenret in the sense that some DH's step up, some play disneyland dad, some DH's just pass on all the raising of the skid to SM.Its hard and you dont know how its going to be until you are well and truley in the middle of it. Throw in having a new born, isnt that enough to push you over the edge?! A 3 year old is difficult, bio, neice, granddaughter whatever, they are hard. The HUGE difference here is that the SD is not hers and motherly instict is to look after your own.No matter if you love the SD to the end of the earth and back, you will always love your bios a million times more.
Everyone goes through the phases of wishing skids would just drop of the face of the earth but they won't. the only thing to change the situation at home is with DH. He needs to parent SD better and be a better husband and dad to new born.
May I suggest that your DH takes SD out for an afternoon a week, just one on one. She probably is craving attention from her dad and feeling left out-shes a child. Then he can speak with her and correct her behaviour outside of the home environment. Tr and do things all together as a family and correct her behaviour as a unit. Does DH back you up when discipling her?Honestly it sounds like an attention thing from her and maybe it may be from losing you too?encourage her and be overly nice to her but strong at the same time and she might feel more secure in her role in the family.

lol whoa, very relatable to my situation. My girlfriend has a 3 year old boy, who I can't even stand looking at because of the way he acts(whiny, controlling,too attached). We are planning on having a baby of our own in the future and what you said concerns me. That he favors his kid over yours. Now me and my girlfriend have talked about this. I told her "I think you are going to always have preference over your kid than ours", but she always say no, don't worry about it. What things does your husband do or say that make you think, he favors his kid(s) over yours?

I feel you- my 3 year old stepdaughter is horrible as well. She hits the pets and my stepson. She wants all eyes on her every second and there is hell to pay if you don’t. She screams and grunts at you if she can’t have her way.  Everyone always tells her how perfect she is and laughs off her behavior by saying she’s “just sassy”.  I’m the only one who disciplines her. Although lately my husband is trying. She was a baby when we got together and didn’t act like this then (obviously) and I don’t know that I would have gotten married had I known she’d be this bad.  The sad thing is, her mother acts the same way, so I don’t see her “growing out of it” any time soon.