I am starting to resent my SD
I have been with my OH several years and I always had a good relationship with SD now 10. This last year or so she is growing into a really selfish, spoilt little girl. She is constantly wanting everything and demanding money. She thinks everything should be done for her, she is lazy. However I do not feel like this about my SS.
Then I get the guilt that it is me and I need help. Why am I resenting a child.
Her BM has main care however she is with us on a typical school week 4 nights overnight and atleast 2 additional nights after school until bedtime, sometimes overnight. In the school holidays have her her all but 8 nights, sometimes it is being picked up at 8pm then dropped off the next morning at 8:30am! She is constantly making plans and saying she will pick her up then for hours the SD will be trying to see where she i/is she still coming and then the excuses start flowing. She plans for her to start clubs, says she can do it on days she is 'with us' but wont actually check it is OK, then on the days that are hers she has failed to take her so it falls on us, even though we both work full time and have other children also. She plans things with no intention of doing them knowing someone will do it.
Then I feel guilty maybe is because her BM is lke that that she craves attention, and I think I need help, I shouldnt feel this way. But then she goes back to her spoilt, ungrateful, demanding behaviour and I think this is why I feel like this.
Behaviour wise she used to always play with the other kids and we had a nice mix of family and adult time, now she is with us every second of every day, im suprised she doesnt ask her Dad to stand at the toilet with her. Whenever she is with us she is also stuck to her Dads side, either making him sit on her feet as she likes it, or shes draped over him or her arm in his arm. I think shes getting too old for it but then I don't have a daughter just a son.
My OH is amazing, he has to go out to work so I am the one dealing with the BM dropping her off/picking her up at all hours in the summer hols especially by myself and doing the running around but on weekends it falls on him and it isnt fair on any of us. If she plans things on her days she should be accountable but its always its not fair shes like that so lets do it. But no I feel like we can never plan anything especially in the holidays on days she is supposed to be with the BM because she might get dropped off or not picked up.
Do I need to chill out and get some help for my resentment?
Huh? Your "other half" is not
Huh? Your "other half" is not amazing. Did I read that right? Foistinf any of HIS problems with his baby mama and his kids with her makes him the opposite of amazing.
When AdultSkid was still under my roof I did nothing for him. I have zero contact with his mother. I did not pick up or drop off. Only way my marriage survived was for me to divorce myself from StepHell
There is no court agreement
There is no court agreement never has been. Their other child lives with us full time so no one pays the other money. However, it should be 4/3 day split with the SD, which it isnt. With their other child she never really bothers except for Christmas/Family Birthdays/Mothers day when there is a facebook photo opportunity for everyone to tell her what an amazing aprent she is.
He doesn't say no because for years and years when he has she has then stopped accees for weeks/months, we have tried to go to mediation but she will ignore them then access will start again.
I do do the running around when he is not here because I feel guilty for the SD if I say no.I am equally as guilty for saying no dont worry I will do it at the start because now the BM expects it from me as well as him. My OH agrees it is not right she is planning things that then fall on us but he says he thought he was being a good Dad by taking her because otherwise not only has she been yet again et down by BM he has then let her down. We had a talk and I said we need to think about the long run though and enough is enough and he has tonight had the conversation that we need to be asked and will plan what happens on our days and if she plans something on her days it is her that plans taking her and picking her up.
I totally agree alot of her behaviour is because my OH allows alot of it and I have said that to him, again he says because of what the BM is like he feels like he needs to over compensate for her actions and doesn't want to always come down on her but has fully accepted he needs to call out certain behaviours because she is at an age now it will only get worse and actually will end up like the BH and expect everyone else to do what she wants when she wants.
Must be nice ...
... to be able to fulfill the bilogical urge to spawn, and then drop those spawn on someone else to take care of.
it's rather simple, they do
it's rather simple, they do it because you allow it. Stop alowing it.