How long until S*** hits the fan?
DH is deployed. We have been together for almost 9 years and we have 3 children together and he has a son from previous marriage. SS is 9yo and I cannot stand him. I am his primary parent because BM is a piece of *work*. S s is always in trouble at school and is a sociopath. He is borderline abusive to his younger siblings (DH and my bio children). I have been telling DH for a while now that I am fed up and don't think I can do this anymore but NOW I KNOW I cannot. I am so done with SS and I just want him out of my life (well I don't want to be his primary parent anymore). Wrote DH a message tonight telling him I don't want to deal with SS anymore and that he needs to figure something out because I am done. It wasn't an "I'm mad so I'm going to say stuff I don't mean" message either.
So how long do you think it will take until it gets really ugly around here? You know since. DH knows I don't want his kid in my life. I truly love DH and he is an amazing husband and father. I want to be with DH but I don't want SS. I know I cannot have my cake and eat it too. I am pretty depressed about this. I tried to just put up with *it because I knew one day SS would be moved out but I cannot take 9 more years of his behaviors. Does anyone ever recover from this? Are there any happy endings when you loath your skids and they live with you full time? Are we done for?
We live overseas and I have
We live overseas and I have been SS primary parent for the last 5 years. He goes to counseling but acts like everything is peachy when he is there. Lies to her about his behavior at school. When she asked him about it he pretended she was the crazy one for even questioning him about it. DH has full custody and doesn't really have anywhere else for SS to go. I care about. SS and don't want him in a foster home or in a crack house with BM but I am to the point where I cannot stand being around him.
Oh and bio mom just recently
Oh and bio mom just recently (in the last 7 years) became a drug/alcoholic. It wasn't something she did when they married right out of high school.
The only happy ending I see
The only happy ending I see for this if your husband gets out of the military and stops leaving his kid in your hands. With a father around the kid isn't going to suddenly be healed but at least you'll have help in the home. I suspect when this kid hits puberty he'll get so uncontrollable the kid will end up in a group home setting. He's one of those kids who cannot control themselves and needs constant monitoring. Eventually that monitoring will be a prison guard.
I think your husband entered the military as a teenager, he's enlisted, if he's a combat soldier he has no other skills such as welding which is not to say he can't go to school when he exits the military and get a trade. My point is getting a job isn't going to come quickly. Plus you have to ask yourself if you can survive financially during the transition.
With the stipulation that he do something to remove his kid from your presence then no I do not see any happy endings. Yet at the same time I don't see a happy ending with the kid staying with you. I think the sooner the kids gets into a closely supervised setting the better. You're local civilian community isn't going to take a military child into long term custody and I'm assuming the military cannot either.
It may take a move back to the States where the boy can be "abandoned" in the hands of the county welfare agencies at your husbands home of record. Since he's legally a resident of that town/city I'm assuming they would have to take him in. What choice would they have? They will try foster care at first and evaluate what comes next. I'm assuming you're husband will be expected to pay something towards his care.
Perhaps this can be accomplished by you returning to the States without your husband and abandoning the kid at his home town. Maybe anywhere - maybe your home town - maybe near where your parents live. Once you're a resident (renting a house) then you're entitled to all of the resources that place has to offer. Meanwhile your husband can complete his career.
All of this is thought out as a method of keeping your marriage and his career intact. The boy of course is lost in a bureaucratic maze but it looks like he's headed there anyway. As I said the sooner the better for the boy but I'm not predicting a good outcome for a boy with the mental problems you've described.