How do you let go
Just wondering if anyone has suggestions besides divorce, that's what seems to be my last resort. I talk to my DH and try to talk to him about the issues I have. I try to communicate rather than just shut down like I normally do, but to no avail nothing happens except more half truths, lies and omissions. I guess he thinks me very stupid like I view his 1st wife. I am really trying to forgive and let go of things that bother me, but I can't seem to accept that he can't even begin to try to understand where I am coming from. I really try to see things from his perspective and would like it in return, that way MAYBE he could see why the things upset me the way they do so much. I have even thought as far into the future of his ex's husband dying or all the events that involve the kids and I really think he would run to her aid without even thinking of me????? anything??
I wish I had an answer for
I wish I had an answer for you. I struggle with this myself
I would say to get a
I would say to get a therapist that specializes in step families. Our therapist just keeps saying, "this is the way things are, they are not going to change". It's very frustrating, but she is free and my DH likes her because she often agrees with him. I guess I like her because she laughs at my jokes. We have kept it together (mostly) for the 4 years we've been seeing her. That sounds bad doesn't it? We used to go once every week or so, but now it's every 6 to 8 weeks for a little check up. A lot of what you're going through is what EVERY step family goes through. In time, you'll realize he loves YOU, but he is tied and obligated to this woman and their kid(s). I know it sucks. Just live your own life and try to forget about her. Do you want to be a clingy needy ex-wife? No. be glad you don't have to live her life. Oh and getting him to see things from your point of view? It will never happen. Just like we read into things they say (but don't mean at all)...they can't even conceive of our point of view and if they could, they would not admit it. Hang in there...it's all you can do. Focus on the good.
Well you have valid points,
Well you have valid points, just like I feel like these emotions are valid. However, I will never be the clingy needy ex, because if we divorce we have NOTHING that will tie us together. As far as the EX goes, their children are grown so I see no need for MUCh contact anymore. Therapy...yes we've been, according to her yeah this is a MAJOR problem and she tells me I have every right to feel the way I do. I have been going by myself recently and she thinks he KNOWS I have a right to feel this way that's why he hasn't been coming to appts. with me. Yet again today another bomb dropped, just last week he had to drive 20 hours to take a car to his 19 year old in the military for the BALL next week cuz his hooch will be there for a week now this AM GFs mom can't take her to the airport tomorrow to fly there, so they call DADDY to delivery the little snot. He had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to go, I HAVE a FING job I can't just take off with a whim and cow down to their every need. This is shit I wouldn't even be able to do for my own child. While we are in the middle of marital problems I have been vocal about he's dashing about to fulfill the kids wants.... Then he asks me if it's ok for him to take her and if it will cause a problem, my reply I think it's Bullshit you keep traveling all over the place and driving here and there......
It is so hard to deal with
It is so hard to deal with kind of thing.Until resently my husband was very similar and it drove me crazy. I literally was ready for a divorce and we have a child together. His priority should be you. I told my husband he needed to choose, it was hard, he was stressed but it's true. Sometimes guilt makes men bend overbackwards, when my husband delt with the guilt not living with his kids, and over the fear that his kids would be angry with him he was finally able to be a REAL parent and set limits on his kids and his ex. Our theripist told us once we can have boundries if she calls, even if the kids are over we do not have to answer the phone.