Well okay lets see my SD went and spent a wk at her moms. We didnt really feel comfortable for her to go but we went ahead and let her. For various reasons she has not seen her mom in almost two months so we decided that if we could trust SD to be open and honest with us when she gets back and doesnt hide any important details from us that she would be able to go to her mom's. WE have court in 4 days and if her mom is pulling her same tricks then we need to know about it. WEll I was not going to be too surprised if when SD came back and we asked her anything important we need to know she would say "I dont know, I dont remember" Now I know its none of my business or my husbands what happens at her mothers. BUT that is as long as SD is not being put in situations like before. You may ask why we dont feel comfortable letting SD see her mother and this is why.

SD has went to father numerous times within the last several months telling him that she would like to live with him. Father finally asks why and SD says that mother is neglecting her. She said the following:

Mother has a guy friend that comes to town once a month sleeps in her moms bed gives her mom money and then leaves. this has been going on for more than 2 years the daughter says.

SD says she never takes showers or brushes her teeth and constantly has to go to school with dirty clothes because her mom doesnt do laundry.

SD says her mom got fired for not showing up to work over 9 months ago and even though she isnt working her mom acts like she doesnt want to be with SD because mom sends daughter to boys and girls club (after school program) where she says she stays from after school at 3 till 7 when the place closes. Or if is during her visitation time she has one of her moms friends watch her and spends the night with her.

SD says the mother constantly sleeps in making the daughter take care of her 6 year old brother everytime they are out of school. SD says they dont get to eat till after noon (like at 3p.m. or 4 p.m.) sometimes because the mother wont get up to feed them.

SD says mother would sleep in so much and on so many occasions that dfs was called for her tardies and absences from school, and when they showed up to the house mother told the SD to run in the bedroom and act like she was ill.

SD says there was not heat in the house that in the winter the mother was heating the house with the kitchen stove leaving the door on the stove open all night. SD said on weekends the mother allowed her to sleep in the living room with doors shut so the heat stayed in the living room but on weekdays because the mother stayed up and watched tv she made the children sleep in the cold bedroom.

SD says mother is going to move out of state with her fiance that just got out of prison. SD says mother is waiting to move because she cant be with him now because he is in a halfway house for 6 months. She says the only reason why the mother wants to take the daughter out of state is because her fiance has three children he wants to be with. SD says she doesnt want to go.

Mother told SD that mother's boobs were too small so she got breast implants. I didnt really think this was a big idea but SD was like 7 at the time.

SD says the guy that comes down sleeps in her moms bed and then gives her mom money constantly takes them places. On one event they went to florida where SD said mother and the man got into a fight because mother told SD that mother wouldnt sleep with the man and it made the man mad.

SD said they went with the same guy to kansas city, stayed in a hotel and the mother and man got into it again because the mother wouldnt sleep with the man. Mother packed up the kids left went to a nearby motel 6 and slept in the parking lot in the car with the children. next day went back to the mans hotel room and got money from the man.(okay....hotel 6.....Kansas City....SLEPT IN THE CAR IN A PARKING LOT)

SD says the mother is having the man come down on daughters birthday so that the daughter can have birthday presents. Daughter says she doesnt like the guy but mother tells her to be nice to him in order to get money.

When mother found out we were going back to court she flipped out on SD, threatened her and to make a log story short she ended up going to jail for assualt on my husband.

Mother is a drinker ( I think thats why she sleeps so late in the day) so when SD told mother she didnt like it mother promised her she would stop. That was 6 months ago and nope didnt stop.

She is still with this guy that gives her money that she has openly told everyone on myspace that he is her *sugar daddy* Many different things like this the daughter has told the father. Some that I am wittholding are really bad but that would take me a year to explain Father wants to go back to court and have custody. Father is worried about the well being of his daughter. His daughter is 10 yrs old. So normally hearing all of this we do not feel comfortable letting her go. But we did. We said we want you to be honest whn you come back and she said "I pinky promise." Well she got back 3 hours late becuz BM said she wanted to take the child swimming. When SD finally got here Husband asked,"So did you have fun?" SD says,"Yeah." Husband said, "Good." That was the end of that pretty much. He asked her a few things like what they did and all that kinda stuff. ANNNNDDDDD of course she said, "I dont know, I dont remember." Okay is it just me or did this child say she was going to be honest. I know people forget sometimes but this child was studdering around and acting like she was TRYING to make up a story. AFter awhile of me being a little upset she finally confided in "daddy" and told him that they went and stayed in a roach infested hotel, that her mom has a new boyfriend and they went and visited him, that she stayed the night with a friend while BM went and spent the night with boyfriend. That her mom went a commited fraud....NO JOKE...But thats another post. ANyway yeah were going back to court for the 2nd time and justlike the first time it seems to me like BM is buying off SD. We were scared this would happen. Thats what SD is acting like. In the beggining when we first got a lawyer SD was all excited to live here and told us all this stuff ( thats why we decided to go back to court was because SD was telling us this stuff) now it seems like the closer it gets to court she is trying to hide stuff. She said she tells her mom that she wants to live with us and we ask what her mom says to that and she says she just ignores me. I find that hard to believe. I have known BM for 5 yrs and not once have I known her to ignore anyone that says they would rather be anyone else but her.... Sorry so long.....
But how do I handle this? How do I calm myself after these kind of things happen. I mean I didnt eat last night I had a headache and I was just so sick to my stomach. I hate getting stressed like this but when it comes to these kind of things it just stresses me out.