Help with new custody arrangement
So as of yesterday, dh denied visitation with bm of their two sons, dh is filing a protection order against her for the kids. What this means for us, is the boys possibly living here on a more permanent basis. We are a blended family, I have one bd from a previous relationship and then dh and I share one bd together. I have been a SM for close to 8 years, we have a great family dynamic, even tho we only get them on weekends. I am looking for advice or help with dealing with the new arrangement of all of us living together, 24/7...... I am kind of freaking out because I have grown custom to the boys going home on a Sunday night to their moms and then our routine going back to more calm and regular after a long chaotic weekend. My 2 SS are great kids, they love me, I love them lol but they definitely aren't quite in tune with the expectations or like household rules so to speak that like my girls are used to. It's all simple stuff really, like picking up after yourself, putting things away after pulling them out, turning things off when done using them, etc.......I am going to be the one home with all 4 of them since I am a stay at home mom. My 2 girls I'm totally fine and more than capable to handle, but I'm freaking out about adding the boys to it and I feel bad about how I feel. Is this normal?
Welcome - I wouldn't assume
Welcome - I wouldn't assume that the court will grant the custody - so might not be time to panic.
You should remove your name from your bio, and you might want
You should remove your name from your bio, and you might want to consider changing your avatar and not using a real picture. This is a public site and you don't want BM finding you here, especially when you are going to be in the middle of a court case.
It is going to take a lot for a court to change custody - so you might not need to worry too much. Since you will have a an unrelated boy and girl just entering the teen years living together, I would look at establishing some firm boundaries around privacy.
Why is your DH denying
Why is your DH denying visitation, and filing for emergency custody?
Unexpected good outcome
All 3 of my SKs moved in here over a 9-month period, one at a time. We had had the usual visitation dynamic with the transition period when they arrived on Friday, the slow improvement as they re-aclimated to our home, then the big relief when they left on Sunday night. We had them about 90% of the time during summer and school breaks. Those were tough days. They werent bad kids, just boisterous and aggressive.
So imagine my surprise when I realized that my life was calmer once they lived with us full-time. Once we had no transition periods, things were easier for everybody.
I hope you have the same experience. Good luck!
If you DO end up with the
If you DO end up with the skids full time, make sure your H requests c.s. I say this because raising another woman's kids, doing all the heavy lifting while she gets off scot free, is sure to cause resentment. My H initially let his ego do the talking, telling the court that he didn't need any help from BM. When he told me this, I pointed out he had no problem expecting ME to help support his daughter, and made him get his butt back to court for c.s. We never saw a cent of the nominal support BM was ordered to pay, but it helped to know she was being held accountable and not getting a free pass.
Next, there's a big difference between weekend parenting and full time parenting. You and your H need to draw up a list of house rules and responsibilities for ALL the kids, and commit to it. He needs to be the bad cop with his, and you with yours. There will be an adjustment period, but communication is essential and you both must act as a unified parenting unit.